I’m in my 30s now and have attempted all the major life changes, lose weight, be more social, travel, make money, get new hobbies, get mental help etc. I kind of realize at this point this is what my life is going to just be like. It’s not a phase and won’t just get better. As a result I’ve just lost motivation. I’m self employed and now facing financial distress because I just don’t have any motivation to work which in turn causes me even more stress.
I just really don’t have anything to look forward to anymore or any hope of turning things around.
32 comments
I wonder about this too, There are lots of people in this situation and they are bloody good at hiding it or they are really happy with it, Me on the other hand…
I highly recommend speaking to a professional about this rather than posting on subreddits. And speak soon.
Fixing financials will get you more balanced. I would try professional.
Hey man, I’ve been there. I don’t know that anything anybody says will change your mind, but here’s my two cents:
Just pick something and see how good you can be. So what if you don’t like it? It’s not like you like anything now anyway. You won’t be losing anything, really. See how strong you can become. Try to achieve a grandmaster ranking on a chess site. Try to become fluent in Spanish. Read every book Faulkner ever wrote. Walk six miles a day for a month. These are all things you can do for free, at home, and all it takes is your time. There’s no magic bullet to fix depression. But making progress in some area of my life helped me out. That and keeping my place clean.
I fight with this as I’m sure many people our age do. I figure we are all going to die, eventually, and the only purpose of life is to just try to enjoy yourself as much as you can. Otherwise, what’s the point?
I feel like when we were young, we were so full of hope and had (in our minds) so many opportunities to do anything we wanted. As we grow older we learn that’s typically not how life works, and there are tons of constraints as reality kicks in. We have to have more realistic dreams and aspirations to operate in the boundaries of how the world actually works. So I force myself to look forward to things. Try to think of something you want to do/play/experience in the future, and look forward to that.
I’ve decided at some point in time I want to live in Europe, so I’m devoting my extra time to learning a new language and researching the immigration process. It gives me a carrot to look forward to – a new experience to enjoy, which I feel is the only purpose for us to be on this Earth.
Man I hope you’re alright.
I dug into Albert Camus and absurdism a couple years ago. What I learned from that is that there are literally infinite experiences in this world (from epic stuff like climbing a mountain to drinking a coffee in the morning). It’s kind of up to us to experience as much of the world as we can. Not sure if that helps or not
I’ve been there u/dc334. I was sitting at McDonalds in Walmart eating my second double big mac thinking about grabbing a bucket of KFC on my way home. I couldn’t see my life EVER getting better. Nothing I did seemed to matter. Might as well stuff my face and binge watch Marvel movies to escape from my mundane life.
Well guess what? Instead of drowning my sorrows, I did some reading. .That McDonalds I was sitting in was only there due to the efforts of a man named Ray Kroc. Guess how old he was when he start working FOR McDonalds? 52. That right 52. And he owned the damn company at 59 earning more money than he ever dreamed of. Oh yeah, that Walmart started out as a single store, opened by Sam Walton at the age of 44, and we all know how that turned out. KFC’s story is even more incredible. Colonel Sanders drove around getting rejected 100’s of times with his chicken recipe until he got his first yes at 62, sixty fricken two! By 66 he was a multi millionaire. Hell, Henry Ford didn’t get into business until 45, Stan Lee didn’t find success until 39 and even Charles fricken Darwin didn’t find success until 50 when “On the Origin of Species” was published. The commonality between all these people is they didn’t give up when things got hard. Each failure was just another stepping stone to success.
So u/dc334, dust yourself off and get ready to take another step. Whether you succeed or fail on your next attempt, makes no difference. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Each time I fail, I say GOOD. Another opportunity to take another step. You’ll be amazed how far you can get when you stop focusing on the destination and just on the next step.
I’m kinda in the same situation. I read the responses about do this or that to feel better, but they never address the bigger thing of what does it really matter in the end?
Ok, so you do something, distract yourself, get medication, think you’re feeling better by not dwelling on past issues or whatever. This goes on for decades, getting by and then someday you can’t take care of yourself so you end up in a nursing home and eventually die. You kept yourself going all those years to end up fragile and helpless. I guess it would be more bearable if a person has love in their life and has kids to make sure they’re cared for and protected when old. If that’s not feasible for someone and they’re exhausted with life, I think there should be another option. Maybe we don’t seriously discuss other options due to fear of death, of the unknown, of losing a loved one. At the same time I don’t suggest sudden suicide and wouldn’t put loved ones through that.
I don’t want to bring you or anyone further down, just being honest about my thoughts and I’m sure many have them, but won’t admit it. For people who really want to keep living, that’s great and I feel bad for those who get sick and die young. I wish I could take their place. I think there should be an option to donate organs while you’re still healthy to people who want to live. More people who want to keep going can and those who’ve had it can be helpful rather than wasting away and their organs becoming useless. The world is overpopulated so we might as well let people choose to get matched to those who want transplants. That would end the suffering of the donor and multiple recipients. Yes, the donor’s loved ones would miss him/her, but they’d have time to prepare, they’d know it was the donor’s choice and many more people didn’t lose someone. Seems like a compassionate win win. I wonder if this was an option, would there be more donors than needed? Would that be a shocking revelation, something we don’t want to acknowledge?
I do hope things turn around for the OP and others. Take care.
This sounds like depression.
Hi, I had a similar problem about a decade ago. I had done too much, and felt like I had little left that I wanted to do. All of the goals in life had been met, and I was out of ideas. So, I devoted my life to my kids, and doubled down on spending time with them and putting conscious effort into personal relationships.
Granted, I’m a bit of a liability at work, because I do essentially what I feel, but usually that lines up fairly well with what they need.
I’m freer now than I have ever been.
I can’t speak to the negatives that you are having besides that though. I like coming to work, because I don’t have to.
I wish you luck in your journey.
How about quit being a Sally about it, pull up your panties and kick some ass. Whining and complaining on reddit won’t solve a single problem. It might get sympathy from some, but it’s not about how many times you get knocked down, it’s about how many times you get back up and keep moving forward. Life is tough, cruel and a bitch sometimes. Learn from your mistakes and keep moving forward.
Report back when success has been reached so we can all applaud you. Seriously.
Please note: this is persona number 5. He doesn’t come out much, but you inspired me.
I’m 51 and you piss me off.
Seriously, you remind me so much of myself and have so much pent up self-loathing that I’m projecting it all straight at you.
I have never been self motivated. Even today I can’t seem to self motivate. I really try to be self motivated, but honestly, I’d rather watch TV.
I’m not sure how I got this way. I’m not sure why I can’t seem to get over it.
I can tell you that if you don’t fucking get over it, the same thing that happened to me could happen to you.
Know what that is?
Life motivated me. Other’s made me part of their plans. I got burdened with responsibility that perhaps is not my ideal. Because I didn’t set my own goals, I lost the flexibility to set my own goals.
I have recently realized the method by which to overcome my lethargy. However since I started only a few years ago, I have so much inertia that honestly, by the time I get moving, it feels like it will be too late.
So take a deep breath, slap yourself on the cheek (front or rear, both have the same effect) and listen.
Sit down at your computer, open a word processor or a text editor and write this line at the top:
“My name is [Inego Montoya], I’m 30 years old and these are my plans for the rest of my life.”
Then make a list of things you’d like to accomplish. Things you’d like to do. Things that you want to acquire. Relationships you want to have.
Then make a list of the material objects that you will need to accomplish those tasks.
Then figure out how to get those materials.
Take all that information and arrange it in the form of a plan. Give yourself a time line. It doesn’t have to be accurate, it just has to have dates on it. Because those dates will inspire you down the road.
Every morning when you get up, review your near term goals, and before bed review any work you did that applies to your goals. Once a week, review your long term goals and adjust your schedule and plans to ensure the outcome that you want.
You are already one step ahead of me. You are your own boss! I still work for others.
Don’t lose this opportunity. Don’t give up this freedom!
Dude. A part of me really wishes I could start all over. I don’t actually need to, but if I had the extra 20 years, like you do, I could make so much more extensive plans…
Dig into the Colonel Harland David Sanders story if you want to learn about a person who changed their life waaaay late in the game.
Many years ahead. Life is what you make of it. Stay positive.
“Working a lot” is part of those infinite experiences. Even the “mundane cycle” is still filled with infinite possibilities. Even in a small town we brush past dozens of people every day. We walk by dozens of trees or lawns or posters or storefronts. You’re saying there’s no time to even acknowledge one of those things for even 10 seconds?
Point is, we all have a world and we have the ability to choose what we focus on.
i entertained that same train of thought when i just graduated high school, because i thought life at that point was going just going to go downhill because all my friends are gone and there aren’t anymore school events to look forward to. now that i’m a lot older and had lots more experiences, i’ve come to the conclusion that high school actually fucking sucked for me and i felt like an idiot for thinking that it was the pinnacle of my life.
if you’re financially flexible, consider taking a trip to a country you’ve never been to whose language you don’t speak.
Try pot?
Plan to do something new once a year.
Really plan for it. Quality over quantity.
Have kids. Then you won’t have any time to worry about how unfulfilled you are.
You need structure. Back into the work world you go my friend.
Hey man, sorry to hear you’re going through a rough patch at the moment. While things might look bleak, one of the biggest lies we can tell ourselves is that we’re unique in our perceived shortcomings, struggles, and suffering. Many people, people who you might perceive to be happy, healthy, and well adjusted, have a lot more in common with you than you might realize.
One suggestion I’ll throw out is to check out a 12 step group like Codependents Anonymous (CoDA). Here’s a link to their [meeting finder](http://locator.coda.org/). While CoDA might not be a perfect fit for your specific struggles, codependence is a pretty broad topic and covers many different kinds of negative thinking. Meetings are free and it might be helpful to chat with others and realize you aren’t alone.
Keep at it. Things will get better.
What is your profession?
I have very similar feelings to those expressed by the OP. I’m not sure if a therapist would be of any help to me though. My guess is they would not. I hope you find a solution.
We have a website in Australia called Act-Belong-Commit https://www.actbelongcommit.org.au/ (click Individual)
This kind of idea (not this website in particular) might help you to get out in the community just doing activities, having fun, keeping you busy doing things with a higher purpose like volunteering. Doing something for someone else can give you purpose in life. Taking up a hobby can give you more meaning etc.
Goddamn OP, I was just thinking this about myself the other day. I mean, I’m practically 30 now and I’ve done the whole travel thing, and I’ve been more social, I’ve picked up new hobbies, and tried to work on myself but I’m also reaching that point where I feel like “well this is it… this is me now” and I’m worried about it too.
Sometimes it feels like your worth is all in the skills you’re really good at, but they also say that it takes 10 years to truly master something. So, if I want to make a change in my life the soonest I can become really good at it is 40?? And then what?? Will our culture even care by that point??
I’m not going to say I have an answer for you with all of this, but the one thing that I found some comfort in is that my life wasn’t the same 2 years ago, and I know I certainly wasn’t the same person I am now 2-5 years ago. Things change quickly sometimes when we’re not expecting it, and they almost always stem from the choices we’re making now.
So I’ve kept going with learning new skills… and honestly… I’m not going to stress out about how good I get with them. I’m (still) trying to make new friends in my town (I haven’t made many yet and I suck at being social) and I’m not going to stress out about how close those friendships will be, because who knows? In 1/2/3 years time, that person or skill might launch you into something totally unexpected. Knowing that life will happen let’s me enjoy today a little more.
I’m mid thirties and let me say this hits hard no matter your income level. You look around and realize some things are just set and to change them isn’t statistically likely.
I just finished [A guide to the good life](https://smile.amazon.com/Guide-Good-Life-Ancient-Stoic/dp/1522632735) which is helping me with this perspective. Also, I’m trying to do something I enjoy each day even if its small.
Best of luck OP!
I keep putting one foot in front of the other. I know I’m not going to fix everything, but making today better than yesterday and tomorrow better than today is a much more manageable and realistic task.
>How do you continue with life with nothing to look forward to?
You find things to look forward to.
You’re telling me out of all the things you’ve tried nothing was interesting to you? Nothing was fun? Nothing made you want to do it again? All of your friends, family and relationships are just meh?
I recommend taking a look at the books/info by Scott Adams, the creator of Dilbert.
The main idea is that all these goals you have CANNOT be accomplished by willpower alone. You have to create a mental system to program yourself to do it. Take losing weight for example. Rather than deprive yourself of food, you should tell yourself that you are going to eat AS MUCH protein as possible. When you focus on eating more protein, you naturally will exclude sugar and junk from your diet, which is 90% of the battle. You don’t have to go hungry and you do not need to rely on willpower one bit. This is just one example. Also, it takes TIME to see results. You have to do them with patience.
I read a bunch of his stuff recently and it’s helped me understand myself and how to program myself to accomplish what I want. Worked for me, might work for you too.
Seek professional help. You need to evaluate your mental health. Like the body experiencing a cold or flu your mind/brain can get sick, too. GL!
Sounds like someone isn’t able to find inner happiness and joy. Where did you travel to? I find that when I have traveled to a 3rd world country where life is simple and everyone is appreciative of all of what little they have, it helps to put my life into perspective and helps to appreciate what I have. If I were you, I’d have a change in venue and go to a different country, learn a new culture a new language and explore life in a completely different life. Considering that it sounds like there’s nothing tying you down, I’d ask, Why not? But most importantly you sound like you’re looking for some type of gratification from the outside when in reality you just need to learn to deep breathe, take note, and appreciate everything working you. It has to start from the inside first to be able to grow and mature and reflect upon the outside. So maybe for now less doing and more self contemplating and meditating and then later plot out the next adventure or new life you may plan on building.
you mentioned that you’re self-employed, perhaps you can think of expanding? assembling a group of like-minded and passionate people together does wonders!
Using inertia and fulfilling duties.