So I’m (32f) pretty traditional when it comes to sex. I like to get to know a guy before having sex with him. I usually won’t have sex until after we’ve been out a few times. However, during the most recent guy I’ve been out with, we ended up at his apartment during the first date and we fucked. It was really good sex, but I was bummed because I didn’t think a relationship could go anywhere if you fuck on the first date. But the very next day he texted me and we set up a second date. We had a second date and fucked again, and it was good sex again. I like him, and the sex is good, but I’m afraid the relationship will JUST be about sex now – and that’s not what I’m looking for. I am a big believer in communication, but I’m also a big believer in not bringing up too heavy of topics too soon. I don’t want to tell him on our third date that I’m afraid our relationship will be just about sex if we continue to have sex whenever we go out as I feel we are still in the getting to know you stage of things and I don’t want to throw my insecurities in this early. In reality, I’ll likely just see where things go, but I’d love to hear any advice y’all got.
12 comments
Don’t just see how things go. Keep up the conversation around the sex. Go on dates, fuck, but when fuckings done, talk. If the talking changes you’ll figure it out quick.
Obviously it’ll vary, but my husband and I did it like bunnies from the 2nd date on. We’ve been married 10 years and have 2 little girls. Sometimes early intimacy is fine.
In my opinion having sex on the first date doesn’t have to ruin chances of a long term relationship. If anything it can help with connection and getting to know each other. Obviously everyone’s different and if you’re not comfortable with that then you need to communicate more to prevent issues down the line. Personally I’ve been in long term relationship with women whom I slept with on the first date and it’s never prevented forming a bond and connection since it’s been something that we both wanted and has helped in terms of getting to know each other better and our bodies/sexual compatibility or chemistry. Best thing to do is to communicate with him and make sure he’s not just looking for sex and is genuinely interested in getting to know you as a person. After all sex can be a great way to connect with someone and know them on a deeper level. But always make sure it’s something you’re both ok with
Well, you can stop having sex for a little while if you want, no rule that you have to keep doing it. Or you could keep having sex since you seem to like it.
You could not worry about what the future holds and take it day by day, or you could go ahead and tell him you’d like a more serious relationship.
The most important thing is that whatever you do it’s because *you* want to and not some preconceived notion about relationships not lasting just because you already fucked.
I had sex with my husband 3 hours into our first date and we’re still going strong.
From a statistical standpoint they’re actually is no difference between people that have sex early and people that have sex late compared to the longitivity of their relationship.
It’s a myth that people that have sex too soon don’t last this long. It’s actually shown the inverse to be true In many cases. People that wait often break up sooner.
I’m a little bit younger than you. 28 male. What I’ve realized is: 2 strangers can have AMAZING sex.. but don’t KNOW each other.
You like the company, maybe even they way they talk, look, listen to to you and all those little nice traits we look for.
BUT we get caught up in feelings and emotions… but don’t KNOW the person.
I’d say… be HONEST with YOURSELF first.
You do NOT want a relationship or DYNAMIC ( prefer the word Dynamic, because it is more general) which just builds on sex after a nice date.
But you might be seeking something more… with depth. And that’s okay!
You’ll just have to seek company that wants the same.
I just had a 30 year old women, after 2 months of dating, realizing, because she is also seeing others, that she likes “company / a good time” but can’t invest energy into ONE dynamic enough to get to know that person or letting them get to know her.
And that’s fair. But communicate that.
Be honest.
BECAUSE after being honest, you can see how he ACTS. The decisions he makes, the way he interacts with you.
And depending on how he communicates with you, you’ll know if you two have the same goals or he just looking for someone to have “fun sex” with, which is in itself nothing bad.
Just 2 different current lifestyles
It’s normal to make like wabbits with someone new. Then it settles down into a fuller relationship.
One of the most important thing for a happy and lasting relationship is a strong sexual attraction. You guys haven’t known each other and had “really good sex” on your first date. I only see green flags here.
It’s a stupid myth that you can’t have a serious relationship after sex on the first date. A similar stupid myth is that you can steer an unclear relationship towards a serious, long-term-relationship by withholding sex. If a guy likes you, he will stay (even after a hook up), if a guy isn’t interested in you as a person, he will leave, even if you wait with sex till the 10th date.
My wife and I hooked up after we met in a night club. Our first date and all the following were just wild. She was so demanding. I had the feeling that I could do her all night and she still wouldn’t get enough. Before, I had lived in a relationship with very mismatched libidos. I guess this made me appreciate my new date even more. We had always so much to talk about and I soon figured out that there was much more between us than just sex.
My advice: If you want to have sex, do it, if you don’t then don’t. But don’t think you can use it strategically (e.g. if I withold sex, he will fall in love with me). I would be very happy about your strong sexual connection and would try to get to know each other better.
I don’t think it matters. In fact I am going to say the fact you felt comfortable enough to sleep with him on a first date and second means he is good 😊 checking off all your boxes. Also, he messaged you back quickly that means he is interested. Now if your both looking for long term than hopefully your finding out as you go. If a guy can make me feel the attraction on a first date then yeah I would too.
The most important thing when you buy a car if you take it for a test drive… Nothing wrong with having sex on the first date
Ask him when he is going to marry you instead of just dating him and having sex , true relationship has responsibilities.
If love comes without any responsibility then it not true love.
The only time I ever got married it was with a woman I got naked with on the first time we met. And no, we didn’t jump into marriage. We were together for a couple of years first. I know most people might think this strange but I would rather be with a girl who enjoys sex and is open about so I would prefer a relationship with a girl who gets into it fast. It just depends on the thinking of the person.