I’m a husband that does watch porn. Although, it’s quite rare that I do so. It’s only ever when I’m in the mood but my wife is sick, out of town or it’s that time of the month. So it’s probably once or twice every 2 – 3 months.
Anyway, I just want to know where you guys draw the line and why are you against it? When this is being discussed people only mention pornogaphic video featuring real people in full nudity. What about other types of porn?
Would Soft core porn (not full nudity) be ok?
Animated porn?
Auditory only porn?
What about masturbating without using porn at all?
How about for you?
A lot of women like erotic novels. Is that OK?
Can you use toys? (Vibrator, etc)
I guess my main question is it the use of porn you have a problem with or just seeing other real women naked or do you have a problem with masturbation in general?
No judgment is intended here. Just curious and would like to try to understand other’s viewpoint.
This post sparked my post: https://www.reddit.com/r/Marriage/comments/z7xfnv/just_found_out_my_husband_follows_subreddits_with/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
9 comments
Female here – I hate everything the porn industry stands for, beyond just the moral “cheating” thing. Also sex in the grander scheme of intimacy is for us to enjoy together, even if we can’t do the typical physical act. I made a special little album for hubby if he ever gets the urge when I’m not around (travel and whatnot). If he ever wanted something to read, look at, or a phone call I’d be down to give it to him. Needs vary and I’m happy to fulfill whatever he wants.
Don’t attack me, this is all just my opinion and it works for my marriage lol. I recognize there are many other solutions and standards between other couples which is great for them. Just one opinion here 🙂
I’m male I watch porn my wife watches porn as well we will watch together some times but not too often.
We both have needs but work different shifts so free time together doesn’t always line up but still manage 3-4 time a week both of us are high libdo
I’m on the fence regarding it. Early on in our relationship, it was my wife who first pulled out a DVD. It has been years since we looked at them…. 🤔
Here’s a genuine question for you and others in your situation. I ask this in an attempt to learn more about proclivity to turn to porn during lulls in intimacy.
Why do you feel the need to use porn to masturbate? Why not just use your imagination?
Why is the de facto “we aren’t having as much sex as I’d like, so I’m going to watch porn” and not “we’re aren’t having as much sex as I’d like, and I’m thinking about all of our wonderful moments together?”
I’m man and neither anti nor pro anything…
When one starts to prefer porn over their partner, it’s a problem.
When it becomes participatory, like chatting online with porn workers it’s a problem.
When people can’t distinguish better acting and real life sex and push their partners to do things they saw in porn is problem.
My controversial pov, Anti porn people using toys is hypocrisy.
I believe porn is okay because it allows us to explore our fantasies.
But if you are not letting your wife know what your fantasies are or she isn’t letting you know what hers are and you need porn to Relieve you from talking to your wife about what actually turns you on then that’s a problem.
As far as how often you look at porn makes no difference really, using toys can be awesome and if something brings you pleasure I say go for it.
Just make sure you are truly aware of your fantasies and you are sharing those fantasies with your partner to be getting the most out of your sex life and the intimate time you spend together.
Not anti-porn but not pro-porn either. My line is the point where porn starts adversely affecting your life and your relationships. It’s important for a couple to communicate their boundaries to each other, preferably before marriage. If seeking sexual attention outside marriage is unacceptable, say so. If you feel you need the sexual affirmation of others even when you are married, say so. If you enjoy masturbation and need sensory aids, say so. If you require your partner to never look at another in a sexual way, say so. Let your partner decide if these boundaries are unreasonable or not. If you find yourself succumbing to your compulsions, seek help. I think a big part of our issues comes from our seeming inability to talk frankly and honestly about sex.
I’m not really anti-porn, I believe that someone like you is fine (occasional use when your partner isn’t there). If you’re healthily engaging with your partner sexually and are invested in her and (importantly, to me) ask her for photos or material for your fantasies when you aren’t with her, then it should be fine. I do not really like the porn industry, however.
I’m less forgiving of regular porn use than most. This was actually after my partner told me he wasn’t really into it and didn’t like when he was (I was more pro porn before this). I’ve noticed our relationship is healthier sexually than most of similar duration so I think we’re doing something right.
Where I draw the line is at men poring over photos of women they know or reaching out to cam girls/models/porn stars, or going to strip clubs regularly. I’ve read enough on porn and the like to know it tends to dilute men’s enjoyment of their partner and the reaching out bit is cheating/looking at women they know is too close to cheating for me to condone.
It can be a fine line. I think it’s generally normal and healthy, and I’m not going to try and control what my partner does with their own body. It can become an addiction, so I think the issue comes in when it affects the relationship. Even then, it’s less about the porn and more about the person.
I’m also very much just not a jealous/territorial person. So my husband thinking about someone else while masturbating doesn’t bother me, because he’s not with the lady in the video he’s with me 🤷🏼♀️