We were dating for 1 year and 4 months me (**26M**) my ex (**23F**), 1 month ago she broke up with me.
I tried to find out why, she just stated is uncertain of what shes feeling she said.
I only regret the **4 mistakes** that I’ve done in this time of relationship:
**1.** First mistake was I didnt introduce her to my friends. Which raised kinda a red flag for her. But there is a thing, that she is very very shy around new people, I knew her very well, and once I did introduce her to 2 of my friends, everyting was fine, but afterwards when I asked her “*How did u feel around my friends?*” She replied “*I didnt felt to well, cause they didn’t take me into account that much, I felt marginalized.*” From then I tried to control everything around me and her, she has this thinking that she will be judged wrong about new people around her, I tried to protect her. But sadly in the end she thought that I dont want to introduce her to my friends and she was thinking that I keep her only for sex and for my satisfaction. All I wanted was to protect her from bad judgements.
**2.** Second mistake was; she was very skeptical of me that I would cheat on her, I dont blame her attitude cause she had one relationship before me and didnt went that good, I didnt want to ask that much from her past though. Like I was saying, from her likely “paranoic” behaviour, she took my phone, and went through all my messages of course she didnt find anything, (except for 1 thing that we sorted it out and was my university colleague), she also looked at my tik tok likes and saw that I liked few tik-tok short videos of girls, I tried to explain that I was very sorry and she was developing security issues that she is no good for me, that she looks ugly and with big nose and so on. From that time I took all the blame and felt very sorry about what I did.
**3.** My 3rd mistake was. when we held arguments between us, I was the only one that ran away from fights. OFC I didnt dodge her for days or weeks, I just wanted to clear my mind and come back within 30 – 40 min to discuss. I did it several times, but the last time I was very sorry and told her that I will change and wanted I prove it with facts. She always tells me when I do this that “*I always run from problems.*”
**4.** My 4th mistake. At some point in our relationship she asked if I look at porn movies when were apart. Ofc I told her the truth and said “*yes*”. She kinda got upset and we discussed, she told me that “*I didnt want to look at porn movies cause I respect you.*”. At that point I felt really bad about it and told her that “*I wont make you feel like you don’t deserve me, or betray you with somebody else.*” After a few weeks we went on vacation and she decided to look in my phone again. She opened tik-tok and went through my liked videos and saw a few tik-tok with girls. After that she got really upset and we went on a pretty bad fight, at some point we calmed down and she told me “*Now I feel insecure and I dont think that I’m enough for you.*” and I told her that “*I cannot deny that I see other people beautiful but that dosent mean that I love them or I want to betray you with them. If you did the same thing, that you like other men or looking at porn I wouldn’t get that mad as long as you love me.*” When we arrived from our trip after a few weeks I saw a notificaiton tinder logo on top of her screen. I told her “*Whats up with this notification, I know it’s tinder cand I look into ?*”. She gave me her phone and it was my first time looking at her phone and it was tinder but she had a completely random photo, random name and random age. She told me that she installed it so that she can spy me if I got tinder. I was amazed… “*Told her I don’t want to betray you.*”
**TL:DR GF broke up with me because of insecurities, but I tried not to cross those borders.**
But she still dosent believe me and broke up with me on. Told me that she felt distant.
I begged her that she is making a mistake, and stated that I still love her and wanted to get over this obstacles together, I cried in front of her when she gave me the news. It was a tough day.
She said that she will help me get over the pain and sorrow, but of course I told her she is making it worse. I told her that I dont want to talk to her anymore. And that I dont want to be in friend zone.
We kept seeing eachother. I tried to go to her university once, cause she was dodging me and was rescheduling the dates. I waited outside the uni, to talk to her. But she perceived me that I stalk her to see if she is seeing another guy. I told her that she was dodging me that’s why I came up. Now she is scared that I’m stalking her… She said that “*Now if u did this, I dont know what you’re capable of, and I’m afraid.*”
Its this relationship salvageable ? I want to know how if it’s doable. (sry for my bad english, not my main language)
3 comments
Your girlfriend didn’t leave you because of “insecurities”. She left you because she isn’t happy in the relationship anymore, as she told you herself. That’s a perfectly valid reason for a breakup. You may not like it but you need to respect it and let her go. Seeing that she even told you she’s scared of your behavior, you really need to not contact her any longer. And frankly, in my experience, the second your presence starts causing someone to feel afraid, you’re way past the point of no return.
It’s time to move on dude. Do something to distract yourself from her. Go to the gym, try a new hobby, go out with some friends. Anything that doesn’t involve her. At this point, you’re probably not going to be able to change her mind about you, so the only thing you can do is change your mind about her.
This is too much. She obviously has her own problems to work on her own (or with a therapist/counselor). You’re not gonna save her.
Stop going to see her.