I know we were doomed from the start but I felt a deep connection with this person and now I’m completely lost and in a lot of pain. he strung me along for 6 months then started dating someone else without telling me and now he says he wants to be exclusive with them. after so much protest and telling me that he wasn’t ready because he’s never had a relationship before. but I wasn’t pressuring him and was trying to be patient while also being honest about my feelings for him which were strong.
I didn’t date for years before I met him and I spent a lot of that time healing from past trauma and being happy by myself. I’m aromantic and asexual so dating has never been great for me. I very rarely meet people that I’m genuinely attracted to or feel a spark with and that’s the loss I’m mourning right now more than anything. and we have a friendship that I don’t want to lose even though I know it would be better for me to cut ties.
but I just don’t know how to get through the separation anxiety and panic. I can’t even get a dr appt rn. I’ve spent days meditating, writing, and just being kind to myself etc, and I still keep crying and I hate it. I feel like he doesn’t deserve me to be this sad over him. but it just won’t stop 😞
2 comments
advice is to take more control of things next time. you say he strung along. fine, thats your mulligan. next time dont fall for “not ready for a relationship”. thats the oldest line in the book, and had you consulted an experienced dater they would have told you that.
have set timeframes. like after 5 dates he should be exclusive. no sex before 10 dates and a commitment. after 3 months you should both agree that this is going somewhere. if not then bail.
Have you heard of Newton’s 1st law of motion? Basically, things stay the same unless acted upon by an outside force.
All the activities you’ve described are personal, solo activities. So because you’ve had no external pressure for change, your mindset hasn’t, and you are still depressed.
So my advice is, go outside and interact with other human beings. If you have friends, call them. Same with family. Don’t mention your problems if you can, just see what’s up with them. Go to do, or see, or read something you’ve wanted to do for a while.
When you do that, they’ll be whole moments, or minutes, or maybe soon even hours, when your not thinking about him at all, and pretty soon, you’ll realize just how easy it is to keep yourself that way.