Hi, I have an issue that’s been bothering me for a while. I don’t believe I have anger issue, or at least I don’t display it but I have a tendency to want to hit or tell off some people. Now I know I can’t beat everybody up, and it obviously doesn’t make sense to just hit people or tell them off. But, sometimes some people will do things to disrespect me intentionally, usually in a hidden manner with their words or actions. Usually when it’s a joke even if it’s mean, i don’t care and don’t mind dishing one back as banter. But since I’m pretty quiet some asshole peg me as someone weak and will say some mean spirited word or act in a condescending way to try to make me look bad in front of other people. When that happens I usually just ignore it because but deep down I just feel an urge to just hit the person or tell him off to let him know to annoy someone else. I know I can get beat up and I’m probably delusional or not aware of what im about to say but I don’t mind if the person is stronger than me or can or would beat me up I just hate being punked or underestinated like that by some arrogant idiot especially in public. How do I deal with this normally. I feel as if pointing it out makes it seem I care, I don’t. I just want to let the person know in some type of way to annoy someone else with their antics or call them out on it, but their actions are not usually blatant. I don’t care about it or would ignore it, but other people do care and not responding might “ruin my image”.
4 comments
Breathing techniques. Practice them to know them. Use them when your becoming upset.
Weight lifting at the gym.
Recently i’ve been taking a moment to myself when these feelings arise and i observe them seeping into my head. I don’t try to fight it. I acknowledge & recognize how I feel and after feeling vindicated I walk myself down. I try to “walk” to a new emotion, kinda like the same way the anger seeped in, i allow a new feeling to flow in. One that’s more satisfying than anger.
Make sure you look at what made you angry from all angles, not just yours. There’s your way, their way & the truth. This’ll help w walking yourself down
How you respond really depends on the situation. Sometimes, it’s honestly worth ignoring as people might be trying to get a rise out of you. Sometimes it’s just worth cutting people out who act this way. However there are ways to respond without responding from a place of anger. A few examples that have worked for me:
Offensive/disrespectful joke: If it’s from someone you care about maintaining a relationship with, or someone you can’t avoid such as work or school..relay your boundaries in a direct, but friendly way. “I don’t appreciate that joke” if they respond with “eh it was just a joke” reiterate “I appreciate a good joke, that wasn’t funny” goal here is to change dynamic of those you want/have to interact with to not be treated as “weak” as you’ve described.
For other statements or actions: providing its contextually appropriate “I thought you had better judgement than that” or “there is no need to talk down to me/anyone here”
You can be direct, and relay your boundaries in a polite way without being judged by others observing. If you do get judged when someone is being rude or condescending, that’s a reflection of them not you.
Pick you battles. Might not always be worth it. When it’s worth saying something, remain calm and be polite as to not instigate conflict.
The way I see it is Internalizing conflict by not standing up for yourself, can create conflict within.
Hope this helps