I had two good dates with this guy, and we scheduled a third that was tentative for an afternoon/evening. He said he’d be free around 3 but would let me know for sure. He texted me around 4 and was super apologetic but he was helping his family and really wanted to meet up still. I was understanding but also a little annoyed. Around 5 he messaged again, super apologetic, but said things were taking way longer than he thought but maybe we could meet later that evening. I asked him to pin down a time but I didn’t get a response right away, so 45 minutes later I said it would be better if we just cancelled and to let me know if he was interested in rescheduling.
He hasn’t reached out after 10 days, and now I’m wondering if me cancelling outright was too harsh. It seemed like he was super keen and sorry he was held up, but I also don’t like having my time disrespected. Should I reach out to see if there was a misunderstanding?
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I honestly would have canceled on him too. I don’t think you were too harsh. Maybe he was lying about helping family, wasn’t really into you and kept changing his mind. And now, with the no reaching out, he’s made up his mind and ‘hopes you get the message.’ This is what it sounds like to me at least.
I would have done the same. I’m super respectful of other peoples time and I have that as part of my value system and boundaries in life. Of course shit happens and people run late but I also value people who can manager their time and be like ‘hey I’m gonna be working all night can we do dinner tomorrow’ one guy I dated knew how to manage his busy schedule well so he’d give me a heads up with plenty of time if he was gonna be late. I respected that skill.
The TLDR answer from me: Nope.
The long answer:
Based on the information you are providing here at least, you were being very forgiving and since he couldn’t give you a time for the thing that had him occupied, (and I don’t know what he was so occupied with family-related-wise) you leaving after an hour of waiting would have been completely justified IMO, just probably still let him know you’d be around or something along those lines due to you having that much patience. But, also, what you said to them shouldn’t have been started with “We should cancel” (unless this was all verbal, but I’m basing this off of you explaining that it started as a text), in the text it might imply you are already not wanting to reschedule or continue to date them, instead just simply should be written/texted as “I will just reschedule,” followed with reassurance “I still want to date you at a better time then.” Assuming you were/are still interested. Ontop of that though, you already waited nearly 3 hours (plus travel time if any), so you have been incredibly patient as is, very forgiving, and persistent. So, as a guy I would love someone who is patient, but I am also understanding if I’m taking already like half an hour long to do something that I didnt specify what it even was (or an hour+) just send me a text that we’re just going to date another time. If I don’t respond, assume either I am uninterested, might have missed the text entierly somehow, am dead/still somehow preoccupied, or my phone broke.
I don’t think you were too harsh, the cynical part of me thinks he was waiting on another date and you were his back up plan
it’s easy to be sorry from a distance.
If he was really sorry and keen he would have been in touch by now don’t blame yourself for his mistakes
Dang, I’m sorry. I’m sure you got ready and everything and to just be let down like that is unfortunate. Probably was thinking about the date the morning you woke up too. A have an actual friend that does this to me all the time to the point where I don’t even get ready til they send a message saying they are on the way to the place or when I’m coming over. Your time is precious.
I think it was completely perfect and fine for you to cancel. I don’t think your text to him came off cold.
Family is important and all but don’t let that excuse make it ok for you to be disrespected. You’re a human too just like his family.
I firmly believe in “if he wanted to, he would”. Being apologetic is one thing, being vague and unwilling to communicate further is another. You did the right thing.
I don’t blame you for how you handled this. I don’t wanna sound cyclical but an excuse like “Caught up helping my family” is usually one of those excuses that’s just vague enough where you don’t have to come up with some elaborate lie but also sympathetic enough to where people won’t be angry at you for delaying.
You did the right thing. Honestly if he hasn’t gotten back to you in 10 days he probably wasn’t taking whatever you guys had all that serious to begin with
10 days without a response is a response. I wouldn’t reach out
no, respect your boundaries. don’t wait around all day for someone to keep pushing you back. that said, if you really like this person you could’ve reached out within a few days. if he hasn’t reached out in 10 days he’s prob not interested. move on. don’t waste energy on ghosts
He wasn’t into you.
No you were jot too harsh, you deserve better and honestly he probably wasn’t that interested
>He hasn’t reached out after 10 days, and now I’m wondering if me cancelling outright was too harsh.
If it was too harsh for him, then he’s a total wimp.
Jerking you around like that was not OK.
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>Should I reach out to see if there was a misunderstanding?
No.
If he’s too much of a 😺 to get back up on his horse after totally flaking out, then you’re better off without him.
If you want to do something more then it won’t hurt to reach out. Worst case scenario he ghosts you and you know for sure. Best case scenario he responds and you go on another date. You don’t lose anything either way