Girlfriend (22f) annoyed that I (24m) won’t go to a show with her

28 comments

1. The work is time-constrained, there will be another chance for the performer. You can even offer to take her for mini-vacay to see them in another venue.

   That said, if it’s this couple weeks and already she’s bitter over your time, how is it going to be when the relationship is older and the need for attention away from her is higher, how is she going to respond then?

2. Take it from her perspective bro

   Revising and working 9-5

   What difference would a 2-3 hour break to go with your girl to a show?

   Doing 8am to 8pm revising? No breaks? Absolutely nothing?

   I’d just go, she’d appreciate it.

3. She can go to the show by herself or see it another time in the future. You’re under a tight deadline, so you have to spend your spare time studying. She’s being short-sighted and a bit selfish.

4. Your exams are a priority. Seeing a musician who performs a bunch of times a year is not. Do your revision.

5. She should go by herself

6. Why not wake up early, do an hour in the morning, then an hour at night before the show?

   Or do you actually just not want to go? Because that’s okay too! But if you DO want to go, I think you can make it work.

7. >she accused me of prioritising work over her.

   Which Is exactly what you should do. Work is what pays for life. Work comes before social engagements every time. It’s not like this is an emergency, or something super important. That she would ask this of you, really says something about her work ethic and the kind of future you’d have with a wife who flakes off work on the reg because YOLO. Find a better partner that respects your work and work-life balance. That she’s asking this of you when passing this is contingent on you keeping this job is actually appallingly unsupportive.

8. She’s immature and the (22f) confirmed that.

9. She can go by herself. It’s fun to go to shows by yourself and just focus on the music.

10. Going to shows by yourself can be really, really fun! Of course you prefer to go with friends, but going by yourself is different and something everyone should experience. You make friends there that you wouldn’t have otherwise. If she doesn’t want to go by herself then she doesn’t want to see them that bad. She should take your career seriously, and anyone saying “just go and make up for work later” seems to be ignoring that you’re already working 9-5, as well as spending 2-3 hours every evening basically working off the clock. Don’t sacrifice what little free time you have working to make up for a show you didn’t want to go to in the first place. If she’s reasonable and respectful, this won’t be held against you, even though she will understandably be kinda bummed out at first. You need to give yourself a break and not feel guilty for refusing to stretch yourself even thinner. Y’all have been together a long time, she should understand. She’s probably just adjusting to your new job as well.

11. You’re doing the responsible thing and you’re not wrong for it. But try to have some sympathy too. It sucks, I totally understand why she’s disappointed that nobody is going to the show with her. She probably feels pretty rejected and alone.

    I’d recommend giving her some space but talking to her about it when she’s ready. Don’t try to convince her not to be mad at you, just show that you understand why she is disappointed that you (and all of her friends) were unable to go with her.

12. Tell her she needs to prioritize your career before her fun. Since that’s what’s going to pay for future fun. This is about maturity.

13. Be honest here if you finish work and are just studying every night and all weekend then everything will just blur together. I’d say take the night off and go to the show as long as your not out all night or very drunk. Take a break and enjoy yourself for one night.

14. This job is of course important to you. You are both young and you are working to get yourself in a better position for both of your futures. That’s admirable.

    Pull her aside and talk with her, but show her you care. Hold her hands while you talk and let her know how much you care about her. Explain to her why you are doing this, and that it is a temporary sacrifice you have to make which you are making for both of you.
    When she sees how much this means to you, she should understand. Work is a big part of life and is important.
    If she doesn’t understand even after you take the time to explain, you need to let it sit for a couple days and maybe she will come around. You can also tell her to ask a couple others for a second opinion if she doesn’t understand your explanation.

    Then if she STILL does not come around, that’s a red flag. You’ll have to decide how to move forward with that. Not an easy situation.

    best of luck!

15. As someone who has dragged a boyfriend to a show they didn’t want to go to (whether you want to go, or just can’t due to the exam) I highly recommend not going.
    She will resent you for it if you aren’t having a good time, or seem stressed, or distracted. She wants you to go and be excited with her, which I totally get. But she should find a friend who also enjoys the person, so they can be excited together while you focus on what you need to.
    It may cause some ruffled feathers in the here and now, but it’s better than any built up resentment that could happen down the road.

    Doing things by yourselves, or with people other than each other, is a sign of a healthy personal independence and a trusting relationship. We love our partners, but we have to remember to love ourselves and our friends too!

16. Tell her to go by herself and have a good time. Sometimes important things take priority, and this is one such time. Don’t debate it, either. “Im sorry, it just isn’t possible.” Repeat.

17. Oh so busy, no time to do anything fun, these exams will make or break your career – yet seem to have plenty if time to kill posting on reddit and chatting with strangers. Yeah, telling 🤣

    You’d be surprised how much more free time you gain OP if you’d get the FxCK off social media and learn proper work life balance

18. So, on the one hand exams are a priority. On the other hand, taking one evening off from studying in the next two weeks should not impact you all that much. If it does, honestly you probably should have started sooner.

    I’d suggest you to go to the show. It something fun to do with your GF. It’s memories you build together.
    See it as a palette cleanser for your mind. Over studying for something is a real thing, just like overtraining for an athlete.

19. Okay, but who tf is playing?

20. Take a few hours off and enjoy life a little. You only live once and you never know when your time or hers will be up. I wish I would have done more with my wife before she died at 44. Work is never more important than family and the ones you love.

21. Who is the musician playing?

22. Once had a gf that pressured me to quit a lot of jobs back to back because she didn’t like the schedules on any of them. Made it hard to build any type of wealth. Choose the job.

23. You could argue that she is prioritising one night of fun over you and your future. She’s the selfish one.

24. Well I have some advice it will sting a bit.

    You are working 7 days. 12 hrs each day. 9-5 on the clock 2-3 work day’s and full day study on weekends. Soo that is carry the one. 0 hrs for your wife. Sounds like your wife is feeling it to.

    If this is something you got to do. Then you got to do it. After these tests you have to immediately come up with special dates to make up for the fact. Because you will have to catch up.

    If can spare the time it will be easier. Of course if this would cause resentment you are better off with making up for it.

25. She can just go by herself and still have a very good time. Sometimes, work is more important, and she should know that. She can have a very good time. Don’t debate it. Do what you need to do.

26. >she accused me of prioritising work over her

    She is absolutely right, but you are also prioritising your future together economically over a concert.

    Don’t back down. Stay on your focus.

27. Go with her, overstudying is a thing, take the break

28. Lol she asked other people over you and then only thought of u because everyone had something else to do THEN she accused you of prioritizing over her? Wow