I am having a hard time making and keeping a friends for quite sometime now. In the initial stages of friendship, I am so happy with them, I wanna travel the world with them, visit new cafes etc. but in a month or two I grow weary. Like the other day, I felt relieved that one of my friends didn’t show up to class and I could sit alone. I’ve been sick for about a week now, and I absolutely hate it when someone texts me asking me how I am, I am only close with a handful of people so It’s not like I have thousand people texting me, Idk why I am like this and I hate it.
All my friends are wonderful, creative and intelligent people, they have done nothing that would make me want to push them away- so why am I so prickly with affection when I know I need it? I have pushed away so many amazing friends because I didn’t want to do anything to maintain my friendship, i grew tired and felt it was unnecessary to be friends with them but after a while I start feeling lonely and keep feeling bad about how I treated our relationship with such cruel callousness. I have a very talented best friend living on the other side of the world, and I think she understands that I like to go MIA for a while, but i can’t stop feeling guilty about not keeping in touch with her as often, I want to be there for her just as she has been there for me. Please help me, what can I do to keep the friends that I have right now? how do I push past the uncomfortable feeling of growing tired with people?
TL;DR – Growing tired of maintaining relationships, need help
7 comments
I wonder if it would help to schedule yourself more deliberate and regular time alone, so that you don’t burn out on people so quickly. And I think that the friends that are best suited to you will understand that you need to go off the metaphorical grid sometimes. One of my favorite people comes and goes from my life, but I’m always delighted to see her when she comes out of her hermit cave.
Are you depressed? Do you have anxiety or other mental disorders? This is a common trait, in mental disorders.
You might want to have a look at the Attachment theory and different attachment styles. Maybe you will recognize yourself somewhere between the lines. It is definitely not a universal thing, but it may be insightful.
I’m exactly like this and I don’t want to diagnose you with anything, but I’m autistic and have social anxiety. I find people exhausting because, even around people I’m close to, I’m never truly relaxed in social settings because I find them confusing. It wears me out spending time with people because I’m always trying to play ‘keep-up’ in terms of social cues, body language, intonation etc.
I wonder if there’s something similar going on with you?
>Please help me, what can I do to keep the friends that I have right now?
If you want new friendships to last, you have to stay in touch, plan things together, and do favors for them, especially in the early stages. Once friendships are deeply established, it’s easier to take more space without damaging the relationship. It just kind of happens naturally that way.
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>how do I push past the uncomfortable feeling of growing tired with people?
Friendships are great, but they also require a lot of energy to maintain (especially when they’re new). It’s important to give yourself some time and space to re-charge your social batteries. Try setting aside structured time for yourself. I go for bike rides and work in my garden at pretty regular times during the week. That time is for me. When I put that much intention into my “me-time,” it feels like the time I spend with my friends is just the other side of the coin.
Not sure I have some questions you can ask yourself if it might help.
Are you losing the spark of a new friend quickly
Are you feeling tired after sometime.
Are you feeling something else/mix of feelings after spending a long time with new friends.
Is there something I can do to make the sickness less intense. / ways to cope.
A lot of people are annoying, I don’t blame you.
The trick is finding somebody you don’t get tired of. No one said finding real friends is gonna be easy.