Im 29M. It’s really frustrating since I know I’m doing something wrong but can pinpoint the exact problem.
Honestly when I’m on a date I feel like I catch up with a friend I haven’t see for many years.
I set up a date, usually somewhere casual in the evening like coffee, desert or something not too heavy.
All my last first dates were at least 2 hours long, which I guess is good.
I have no problem to have conversation, I just don’t get why there’s no tension or chimestry.. just nothing. If I feel like this, sure as hell she does too.
The only thing comes to mind is that I don’t say anything sexually or teasing enough on first date. It always gets me worried she might bail off if I do that too soon.
5 comments
You’re putting too much “pressure’ on the date. I imagine these are probably ppl you’re meeting from the apps, yea? It’s pretty difficult to flip a first meeting with someone who’s damn near a stranger into something “romantic”. And that’s fine.
The whole point of a 1st date is to see if you both can be alone together for 5 mins and not wanna throw each other off a cliff. That’s all.
Yeah. You need to come off like a man and take risks. Tease her. Don’t make it easy, don’t agree with everything. Show her your world and listen to what she’s saying. It’s natural.
Flirting/teasing before the date can help with this, but also keep in mind that you don’t have to feel pressured to create sexual tension if what you’re looking for is an actual relationship. Friendship is the best foundation for that.
Chemistry can include connecting on shared interests or thought-provoking topics. Having a really good back-and-forth. It can include making each other laugh. Those are things to have in your arsenal.
Change the setting, do something interactive and fun. I used to take my first dates glow in the dark bowling and it always went very well. It’s more relaxed and the entire focus didn’t need to be conversation. Thinking about it now my last 3 relationships all started with a first date glow bowling.
You’re overthinking this to hell and back. You don’t need to tease someone to create tension. You need to have a personality that they like and are comfortable with (and vice versa). Honestly, it sounds like you are doing this too but you are being impatient with the process.
Dates are supposed to be like friends catching up… you literally don’t know each other well enough to be comfortable doing or saying things that seem out of pocket just for the sake of creating tension. I personally don’t make any moves until 3rd date unless I get a slam dunk opportunity before that.