I made friends with “A” a year ago, at first it seemed like he was a pretty good friends to me… I don’t really see him as a bad person, but for awhile now especially since June I felt like I haven’t been really included
I mean never in the time that I’ve known him has he ever accepted my invite to hang out, nor really invited me to hang out
One Friday even I did walk with him and another guy to the gym, and mentioned looking for something to do the next day, but then the next day being bored I bussed out to the mall around 3pm, and ran into them at the mall waiting for their ride home
In June Prom happened, and I wasn’t invited to be part of any table, so I got put at a random table with strangers, but A’s table clearly had 2 open spots, but despite asking to join them excuses were made by some other people why I couldn’t join them
The week that followed I decided to tell him I’m done chasing him as a friend, since I felt like I was only seen as a nuance, and kept my word of not speaking to him, only for a couple days later we were back to being friends playing Volleyball like all was normal, and as if it was some sort of perfectly timed scene out of a TV show, I didn’t get to try to talk about it at the end thanks to my mother popping up unexpectedly, instead of waiting in the car,
And then that was it, we just acted as if we were good
Come summer I texted him a bit to see what was up, but then after a bit he ghosted me without explanation for the whole summer, back at school in September I see him again and instantly he’s talking to me as if all is normal, but come November there were volleyball Intramurals happening and I asked if he wanted to make a team before anyone else… but then he went and signed up a team without me, not making an effort to include me despite proceeding to add other people from the varsity team, and removing a couple others who weren’t really into it… meanwhile I’m left without a team since none of the other people I knew liked playing volleyball
Despite the fact that I feel treated like a joke and an outcast I still see them and wish to be part of that friend group, especially today when I saw his Intramural team playing at the same time I randomly filled in for a team that was missing a teammate, I don’t know why I have a desire to be part of that specific friend groups so much, I mean I am still struggling to find other friends, but I’m tired of A and C, making me feel wanted one minute and then treating me like I’m annoying the next.
To add a bit more context I’m 18, I should’ve graduate in June but my life is a little fucked up, so I entered high school late, these “friends” are the same age as me and graduated in June but came back for grade 12+ to get a couple extra credits for university and stuff.
In general it’s hard for me to find friends when I am an older students that hasn’t developed all the social maturity due to not being in school, I struggle to fit in, and I’m still working on my social skills.
11 comments
Bro start another friend group with all the nerds and wage a war.
It is not uncommon for people to be friends out of mutual exploitation. It sounds like that’s what your relationship with ‘A’ is. Sometimes he has a use for you, but when he doesn’t, you’re not of interest.
For self-ownership you can view it as you are imposing on the boundary he’s expecting from your friendship. You expect different things.
My best friend at the time and me had the same thing in high-school. We didn’t really like eachother on an ideological level. But would hang out since we were both the best any of us could do for company, enjoying stuff like psychology and chess. In our case it was something we were both aware about though.
My tip, what I would do at your age if I could do it again is to forgo friendship if you have to. That is, don’t focus on it exclusively and focus on building your character. Friends will come along the way. Work on your own skills and projects. This will build confidence and you won’t be in as much of a dependance relationship with people.
You cant really just not have the desire for something that seems really good. If you were starved for 2 days when you see food you would probably get really hungry and start craving it. You should look at those people and realize that they wont benefit you because it seems as if you dont respect yourself enough to realize they suck ass. Just like if you were starved youd probably lose any self respect and take any food you could get even if its disgusting.
Not too be harsh my dude, but it seems like this guy thinks of you as a casual friend rather than a close buddy. And that’s okay! I have “work friends” that I chat with at the office but don’t see otherwise.
I would get involved with something outside of school as a way to meet people, when you find your “group” it won’t matter so much that he doesn’t keep up a consistent friendship. If you’re into volleyball maybe see if there’s a club around you or something?
Some people value people not based on what they feel but on what they see. Do you act valuable? Do you have a strong sense of self worth? Are you independent? Are you needy? People want to be in groups that reflect well on them. There is a great quote about friends “surround yourself with men of success and you will rise to their level”
I used to have a huge issue with that around your age. The best thing to do is get around people that will clown on the group of people that are being dismissive of you. That will at least make you see that these people aren’t a big deal and not worth your time if they are being disrespectful or unwelcoming to you.
Don’t put assholes on pedestals. Fight the urge for acceptance and find friends that really want you around. It’s easy to tell the difference!
Stay home 🤷🏻♀️
The way I see it, if there are people in ur life that make u feel like shit, cut them out
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You are filler sorry to say that.
I keep some people at distance. I talk to them and crack a joke but I wont invite them to any activity at all.
It rough when they ask me why dont you invite me. Its usualy because they wont fit in.
I have a childhood bf and he wants to hang out with me and my buddies but he doesnt fit in.
When we hangout its rough. We shit talk, do stupid stuff and drink. He pretends to be this fancy art person. Either me nor my friends want to listen to that.
He wouldnt handle it well and be overhelmed and in the end I would need to take care of him.
You need to adopt the attitude of being friends with a lot of people and not getting too clingy with any one person. Your social life should be very fluid, some people come, others go.