I (24f) have been dating my (33m) boyfriend for almost a year now. We met at our job & things blossomed from there. However he had previous relations with another female coworker. Their relationship wasn’t that serious they were mostly just talking but she never wanted to take it further. Fast forward to about July of this year & the girl will not leave my boyfriend alone. She is constantly throwing herself at him. Asking him when he’s going to leave me so he can be with her. She confessed her “feelings” for him & expressed how upset she was over him being with me. She wont stop & it’s getting on my nerves. I express to my bf that I am uncomfortable with their “friendship” he says to me all they are is coworkers. But to me it’s more than that. I hate that he lets her talk to him. It’s driving me insane. She recently unfollowed him on instagram to get his attention. She was upset that he didn’t remember her birthday, she says she’s going to quit her job if he doesn’t talk to her. I recently changed jobs so I can’t even keep her away from him! It’s really frustrating me. What should I do? How should I handle this? My boyfriend says I have nothing to worry about & that he keeps her in check. But I just don’t know how to believe that. We constantly fight about this girl because I don’t understand how he can’t just ignore her or get her to leave him alone. It makes me so mad & it’s causing a lot of tension and stress on our relationship.
Should I message this girl on instagram to find out what her problem is? I don’t know how to handle this. Any advice would be appreciated.
TL;DR : girl at work is oddly obsessed with bf and it’s causing a lot of tension on our relationship
2 comments
How do you know that this girl is actually doing all this shit? Have you seen solid proof? Do you know for sure that your boyfriend isn’t encouraging this behavior? In my experience, there’s usually a reason why someone would be so persistent. Is he leaving the door open for this girl? Has he set real, solid boundaries and is he enforcing them? If he’s being truthful, unfortunately for you it’s his coworker. He shat where he ate twice and now he can either report the aggressive behavior, or he has to be cordial for the sake of his job. I’d suggest sitting down and discussing the whether or not this relationship is sustainable.
edit: I feel qualified to give this advice bc I’m an idiot and shat where I ate
It isn’t up to you to “handle” this situation. It’s your boyfriend’s job to set boundaries with this woman and maintain them.
It sounds to me if he rather likes the bizarre attention that he gets from her. She feeds his ego. Your problem is with his need for the attention, not with this other woman. If you cannot cope with who **he is** then walk away.
Consider the future, every day you will be wondering who is feeding his ego. People like him collect attention from others like baseball cards.
I (59f) don’t really function this way but have certainly encountered my fair share of men who do behave like this. There a lot of women who also need a constant supply of attention from new men, too.
I don’t think this is something that you will “fix” in him. It’s just who he is. Your arguments will never be settled, because his need for the attention is far stronger that his desire to bring you comfort and security.