I have never developed a friendship with him because me and my gf are in another country, but they are quite close. So close that sometimes I was a bit anxious about it. He often states on social media that she is his best female friend etc.He also asked her if I was jelous and if i was he completely understands since he is also a jelous type..she always reassured me that since the beginning it was clear they were just friends and that if anything was to happen it would have already happened
He often reacts to my social media post and seems friendly or at least open to talking or interacting.
He asked me few days ago to make a surprise/joke to her. So he wants to come visit us without she knowing while we invent a story or something..This to me seems like a surprise a lover would do, and I am quite scared that it’s just a way to make her feel love or that she would fell in love with him for this.. or in general I feel a bit suspicious like he wants to use me to do this that would make him look in a more favourable light with respect to me..
Isn’t he a bit invading our spaces since me and her live together? We have no problem with inviting friends for few days but usually it is something which is organized all together..
So I am a bit sceptical and I am a bit anxious about it..Can I have an advice on this or your opinion?
Is it me that I have issues?
Another thing is he is very promiscuous and tend to look for girls who are engaged and with children.. Of course my mind is telling me all sorts of stories
Tl;dr:
I am jelous of a friend that wants to surprise my gf by visiting us with my help
8 comments
I don’t think it’s as suspicious as you think it is? I think he just wants to make an entrance.
If you are uncomfortable with it, it’s ok to say “no”. Especially if he is asking to stay at yours.
Just say something along the lines of “Hey – sorry, I don’t really feel comfortable with that especially since it involves an overnight guest for an extended period of time. Please contact her directly to arrange for a visit and maybe the next one can be a surprise”
Or… figure out what your boundaries are. Do you want him to get an Airbnb?
This sounds like you’re being really insecure. Friends surprise friends. He’s including you in the planning. You’re taking him making you involved and spinning it in to a scenario where every one is evil. What are you doing to manage your insecurities?
problem is, he’s inviting himself to stay at your place (if I’m reading that right?), but your GF may not want a surprise multi-day visitor. You shouldn’t say yes to something like that without your GF’s input. She lives there too.
Now if you tell your GF and she’s cool with it, but you’re not, that’s a separate problem.
Lmao I have no idea how people put up with this kinda crap in relationships.
It’s not a romantic thing on his part, but I hate surprises like this so I’d pass.
I’m not inclined to be the jealous type but i wouldn’t want to be involved with this.
I do think the friend is trying to be a “friend of the relationship.” But, I would not be involved in a surprise houseguest, and I wouldn’t want to be part of any blowback that may come your way. I would be livid with anything more than an a surprise overnight guest. I could see having some ire towards my partner if I knew they knew.
you might be overthinking a bit. maybe he just wants to surprise her and nothing more. if he wanted to come with flowers or gifts for only her it would be different.