I feel like my roommate and I are oddly close. We had our love interests in the past and it sort of defaulted into a close friendship (30m 26f) We tend to be rather affectionate, hugs, laying down together, the occasional cheek kiss, change in front of each other, i love you, nicknames like bby and such. Even had to help her the bathroom when she drank too much. Its nice being this close to someone, but for someone who’s been single for over 10 years (besides our attempts in the past) this gives me conflicting feelings. On one hand, after living with her for the last 3 months. It’s safe to say dating would not last. I don’t want to shine a spotlight on her issues, its a lot, but she can be a bit much at times. Flakey is the word that tends to pop in my head. Especially with men. There have also been issues with the lack of support around the house. Lack of rent, no help with chores, random strangers at random times, ect. It’s the affection that seems to shake my lonely brain.
Recently she’s reconnected with a high school crush. The way she talks about him makes it seem like he was the one that got away. For the past 3 weeks everything comes back to him. Everything. Biggest annoyance is she now calls herself a mom…ALOT. He has 2 kids and by week one of dating she claims they are hers now. In a way it’s cute and I’m happy for her, since she was depressed, but my god. Last week he didn’t respond to a text and she flipped her shit. 6 hours of her panicking and going through all these scenarios of how she may have fucked it all up. “I’m going to lose the kids because I did something wrong” During her phone call with her mom, it really put an emphasis on the attachment. How much he and the kids meant to her and how losing them would be the end of everything. How they plan on moving the kids in her upcoming house for better schooling, ect. It comes off as hardcore codependency and really fucking quick imo. She had to take anxiety meds to calm herself down. Turns out he was asleep and replied late.
Even with the uneasy feeling about her sudden “family” and having it toss in my face left and right. I can’t help but feel envious? I dunno if I’m having feelings towards her again or if its towards what she’s had/has. It’s possible I feel resentment to her feelings towards him? I never had a 1/4 of those feelings. Like she straight lusts after this man and it makes me feel rather bitter.
We call each other best friends yet I see more effort in her new relationship than I have since I’ve known her. Im unsure if I should just swallow this envy/bitterness to keep a friend, or let this friendship pass on by? Because if I really sit and think about it, I can’t help but feel like im being used.
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TLDR: Feeling envious of roommate’s new sudden family. Dunno if genuine friendship, having feelings or being used for free housing
2 comments
Wow. That is a lot. First of all, I believe that in love, you deserve someone who will love and adore you the way you want to be loved and adored. She clearly hasn’t shown you anything that resembles true love. Calling you nicknames like baby and saying i love yous and kissing your cheek like that all seem like red flags especially given how she doesn’t pull her weight around the house or even pay her rent. That’s not cool. That really seems like someone who just wants a free ride and will use their wiles on you knowing it’s gonna work. Gross. Get the hell away from her is my advice.
She clearly doesn’t deserve you nor does she even want you given how obsessed she is about being a mom to this new guy’s kids. I think you shouldn’t have entertained her in the first place (pet names, i love yous and pda) but too bad now you’ve caught feelings. Best thing is to get the hell away from her and find someone who will love you like you want to be loved.
Yeah you’ve got to get her out of your life. She will keep you around orever for whatever emotional or material needs she needs fulfilled and if you want to find a real relationship, you’re not gonna want to be in this odd situation trying to explain the relationship to anyone either. Wouldnt be surprised if she got pretty upset and confused if you tried to move out/find a different roommate either, so be prepared for that