Singletons, how do you cope with being alone/lonely during the Christmas holidays?

48 comments

1. I spend time with my daughter and my close circle of friends have a big Friendsmas.

2. M35. Just will work harder. Not a best solution, but the only one which is left.

3. I’m sorry to hear you’ve had a bad year. I hope things turn around for you and that you’ll still be able to enjoy the holidays.

   As for myself, I’m gonna cook up a big Christmas dinner for myself, then dress up and go to whatever chill pub that’s open. Whether I want to socialise or just have a drink and enjoy the atmosphere depends on my mood for the day, but if I feel like chatting away, there’s usually always some other loners or small friend groups there that doesn’t mind company.

4. 1st Christmas post divorce here and my daughter is with her dad that week. I have 2 days of vacation left to use by the end of the year and I can’t bring myself to use them because what am I going to do? I already can’t find something to do for the 4 days I’m off for the holiday.

5. I think I have always hated obligations. With some sort of burning intense passion. This year, I am refusing to do anything for the holidays. And all I can hope is that everyone fucks right off and doesn’t try to ruin this for me

6. I’m so sorry for your loss and the difficult times you’ve experienced. I’m currently dating, but it’s difficult during the holidays for me to be genuinely content because of all the family themes around (I’ve wanted to start a family, and not having one is a reality I am trying to accept). One thing I am planning to do is participate in a toy drive as volunteer work for the community I serve. Not sure how you feel about volunteer work, but it’s a good way to stay active and to give back.

7. This is my 4th Christmas post divorce. My kids are with my ex this year. I’m going to go into the office and get some extra work done.

8. Christmas day bike ride when the roads are quiet. Enjoy the peace and silence, find a nice spot to drink good coffee from a thermos and enjoy a mince pie. Full zen and tranquility.

9. Why aren’t your partnered-up friends inviting you to join? All my friends are also partnered but that has never stopped us from celebrating Christmas together as a group.

10. I’m by far more annoyed by other people’s perception of, and giving me shit for, being alone and having “nothing to do” for the holidays than being alone actually is.

    Even non work days, I can find ways to and be happy with my day, watch movies, watch sports, play video games, read interesting articles, make myself a special meal I haven’t had in a while, go on a nature walk (if the weather isn’t completely miserable, I don’t mind cold though), take a random ass but extremely satisfying mid day nap with no distractions or noise from anyone else.

    Honestly I would enjoy a week of the above solitude over some wacky, busy, hustle and bustle deal full of social obligations. We don’t need to get all introvert vs extrovert with it, I’m just saying I’m absolutely comfortable having my alone time. With that said, adding a special someone I’m into and have feelings for is certainly something I would welcome, but I don’t necessarily mope around and feel like I’m letting society or the universe down over it. I may or may not end up feeling some type of way in the vein of lonely or missing someone important to me, but that’s normal I think.

11. Honestly it was a lot of bad choices. Drinking and eating too much. Sleeping all day. Faffing about. Finding another lonely soul and making some bad choices together.

12. Make a meal for yourself and watch holiday movies. Dress up, click pictures/ selfies and enjoy anyway 😀

    That’s my plan!!! I’m excited for it.

13. Being single gave me the time to spend it with my family again. You need to be reminded that they’re the ones whos gonna be with you and support you no matter how shitty your romantic life will be. Lol

14. Hi! I totally understand and have been struggling with the same feelings and am the same age as you! its my first holiday season without a partner since I was 26, and I’m trying to fill it all up with friends and family time. Still processing a breakup from 6 months ago and also don’t have the energy to put myself out there in good faith. I’m so sorry about your loss. Maybe you could take a little trip somewhere to get a break-or find some local volunteering opportunities to give you some community time with purpose. I know that when I feel bad, I can get kind of rigid but know that people time and something to do is better than too much alone time.

15. What things do you enjoy – some Parkruns are on Christmas Day, and Pubs / Chinese restaurants as well. You could go for a short walk / run and then have a nice lunch out somewhere without having to do any tidying up yourself?

16. Volunteering and fundraising.

17. I rarely spent my winter holidays with an SO tbh. It’s usually either family time (back when we had a passable relationship), someone else’s family time, friend time, or work and local events. If there was an SO he’d get invited to family time. Online communities can work just as well.

    That being said, if you have specific expectations about how a thing should be, and it doesn’t happen specifically that way, and other ways of doing it feel “artificial”, that feeling is going to be nearly impossible to get rid of.

    I’m not particularly fond with the Western obsession of making everything about their SO and no one else, and then suddenly ending up super lonely when there’s no SO. A lost cause at this point but it makes communities so weak and prone to fracturing. Several of the couples around here make Christmas a communal thing and invite people over, a lot of them are immigrants so they get it. People should look out for each other.

    NYE is also special to me in general because I tend to take New Year resolutions seriously. So I do a lot of planning and review around that time and tend to be busy with that so I guess I don’t notice I’m supposed to be lonely.

18. I just remember how lonely I felt when I was in a relationship. And suddenly hanging out all day with a beagle isn’t so bad lol

19. You’re not alone. I’ve celebrated the holiday’s without a partner for many, many years now. I was close to having someone (it takes forever for me to meet a guy I really have a spark with!) – and then it ended. I’m trying to hold my head high though and keep the faith that the right person is out there, and I’ll meet him in the new year!

    2022 was a year of growth for me on the dating front. I learned what I want and set/enforced boundaries for myself when it comes to dating. I hope this year of trials and heartbreak will help me in the coming months.

20. If you are an animal lover, get on Rover or the equivalent and pet sit a dog or cat over the holidays. Sometimes it’s nice just to have another living being in your space and lots of people travel during this time. Some shelters also let you take out animals temporarily but less common.

21. I always make waffles and bacon for me and my dog Christmas morning. Drink spiked coffee. FaceTime the fam. Open presents. Usually roast a chicken but I think I’m going to try Cornish game hens this year. All why watching Christmas movies. I love this time of year.

22. If you can, try surround yourself with family and the closest friends that may be around for the days following Xmas?
    Maybe a bestie?

    I am finding winter to be so dreadful, when single. So I totally get it!!
    Hang tight

23. Spend most Xmas holidays alone if u want some company say hello

24. Mindset shift helps as well. You can have xmas spirit by yourself, make it about yourself and treat yourself. Its so commercial/ commodified anyway!

25. The holiday season is one of the least lonely for me because there are so many parties and social stuff. If you’re lonely this year, I’d focus on making new friends and deepening your social connections over 2023 so it won’t happen again. Friendships take work, just like other relationships.

    (I’m saddened that your friends wouldn’t invite you to socialize with them just because they’re coupled. I’m often a third, fifth, ninth wheel.)

    I’m sorry for your loss. It’ll get better!

26. Very poorly. My ex-wife left me for someone else last holiday season and I was suicidal for a while.

    Been in therapy all year and recently got into another short term relationship. Was looking forward to the holidays with her and got dumped the last week of October. Not over her yet even though it was only a 2 month relationship.

    I don’t really have family and am still working on building a close knit friend group after my divorce.

    This sucks

27. OP I don’t think your loneliness is related to just being single for the holidays. Holidays are always hard for people without support systems and grief can complicate things. I’m sorry for your loss. Even if you physically can’t be with family maybe connecting via zoom or something like that will help you feel less alone. Maybe reaching out to friends too can help you feel included and less lonely. I would hope that telling your friends how you’re feeling would result in them being there for you.

28. Are you a pet person? Fostering dogs helped me cope when I was alone during COVID.

29. It barely crosses my mind because I’ve spent most of my holidays single. I just spend a lot of time with friends. Even my partnered friends seem open to hanging out. But a lot of this is exacerbated by the fact that the holidays are generally my busy time at work (advertising), so normally I’m just praying they go by quickly. Nothing cozy about them.

    Right now I’m unemployed in the aftermath of an injury, so trying to just take it easy and enjoy them for the first time in a while, but it’s still not really there for me.

30. Are you in Den Hague? I used to live there, I wish I still did! I’d hang out with you.

    If you have a little vacation time, I’d recommend popping over to Cologne for Christmas. It’s very Christmas-y this time of year. Honestly, I think wandering around the Christmas markets would be really nice even without anyone. It’s got such a warm and festive vibe.

    I’d go to Amsterdam for NYE and go to a bar and walk around the streets. I met so many people when I did that.

31. Hey OP, I’m in a very similar boat. My dad died this year, my mom attempted suicide, and I’m half a country away from her and my brother. I usually spend Christmas alone being far away from family, but I’m especially anxious about this year. It’s not the physical aloneness, but knowing what/who I’m without this year. Makes me very sad, and I’m afraid of being more sad as the end of December nears.

    So, I’m fully leaning into the holiday spirit and doing it all just for me. I’m picking up a real tree (to somehow fit in my 500 sq ft apartment), got tickets to a holiday brass band, marked on my calendar all the artisan markets, gonna take some drives or walks through decorated lit up neighborhoods, check some tree lighting events, baking cookies for my coworkers. I seriously made a whole calendar for December events I’m interested in. I’m going to make the most of the season, because I deserve it, it’ll make me happy, and keep me occupied.

32. Find some new child- or partner-free friends via meetup or Bumble BFF. It has certainly improved my life and mental health. There’s probably plenty of immigrants in the same situation as you are and in need of company.

33. I’m 31F and I honestly love spending holidays alone, to me it feels like an actual break from work and life and have time to wind down and just relax.

    This year I’m going backcountry winter camping 😅 but typically I plan to do some outdoors activities, see Christmas lights, buy a new puzzle and a few good books, catch up on TV I didn’t get to, and bake and cook just for me.

    In terms of new years, I wouldn’t necessarily be afraid to go out on your own! I’ve done this before (I used to travel a lot for work and was sometimes away during new years). People are very friendly and inviting around the holidays and I found I was always able to have a great time. Obviously just be careful as a woman, but I’ve always found other groups of women more than happy to have a few drinks at the bar.

    For me the biggest offset to loneliness is just appreciating all the small things. Putting myself out of my comfort zone a bit and doing things on my own. And being willing to strike up a conversation with strangers.

34. Being alone over the holidays is so tough, especially after loss, my heart goes to you <3

    I’ve been struggling with feelings of aloneness and loneliness, and sometimes both at the same time, for the past several years on and off, even before COVID. Holidays/my birthday have been tough as I am alone far from my immediate family and most friends are paired up and have families of their own now (I’m 36). Last week for Thanksgiving, I ended up watching the NYC Thanksgiving Parade for a little bit, volunteering at a residential home, and then getting dinner with a friend. It was still a tough day but it helped to fill the day with activities that were out of the house and surrounded by others, even if they were not close friends or family. The tough emotions will still be there, so its a matter of figuring out how to make them less intense and/or what you can do to still take care of yourself on these days. Not sure if you live in a major city or town, but maybe look for volunteer opportunities? Or meetup groups? Being not alone helps a lot.

35. Since my separation, I have been treating myself each Christmas to a nice resort in the mountains so I can go snowboarding by myself and catch up on my reading. Even if I partner up, I will probably continue this tradition as I love it so much.

36. Most of my friends are single, and some don’t go home for the holidays, so I see them. Even the coupled ones host holiday parties. NYE is a friend holiday anyways, and Thanksgiving and Christmas are times when you’re supposed to get everyone together and invite people who have nowhere to go.

    Have you tried Bumble BFF? Or seeing if anyone in your town is hosting a singles holiday get together?

37. Around the holidays, I do things that I know I’ll enjoy, like cooking some of my favorite foods or watching my favorite Christmas movies. It’s also a good time to try new things- I’m taking a pottery class soon which I’m excited for. Treat yourself and pamper yourself. Do what would make you feel comforted and at your most confident. Buy yourself a great gift you’ve been wanting. Take solace in the little things. I always love a cup of hot chocolate topped with whipped cream and a lit fireplace to warm me up around this time of year. For the new year, plan a concrete goal for yourself that will make your life better, whether that’s regularly scheduled exercise or joining a club/activity in your area. It will give you something to genuinely look forward to.

38. When you are all up in your head about your own situation is a good time to help others.

39. Being single and being alone are two different states of mind. I’m single but doing my best to socialize. Plenty of other singletons and those that are coupled up that want to just hang out. Not every person is a potential partner and knowing that makes alot of “single” activities easier. Find a party, get together with some friends, have a good time. Being single does not mean being miserable and alone.

40. After several years it’s just another day.

41. >I know loneliness is a state of mind and I never felt this way before but I can’t help but feel it. I also don’t want to find an artificial company just not be alone.

    Sorry this is irrelevant but your writing right here made me think of the ending in an Adele’s song ([My Little Love](https://open.spotify.com/track/2DuPBbS5mIldXnh7Wum8Cy?si=118adda54b624d76)) where she described that she never afraid to be alone, always prefers to be on her own etc. but there were days where it was just too much to bare…

    Music has healing power and I think you can relate a lot to hers. I hope you find your inner joy and peace this holiday. Send love <3

42. I randomly booked a flight on Christmas Day.

    I’ve been doing this a lot in the past few years. Takes my mind off things and keeps me busy. I get to explore a new place at least.

    Though I must admit, these Christmas Days spent alone have been taking a toll. But I just need to make the best out of it.

43. I would just organize a meetup for other people that are spending it alone.

44. I got a cat to replace the person I dated last year..

45. I get crossfaded and watch the Holiday.

46. Plenty of chocolate and binging to go by.

    This is one of the few days in a year that I won’t feel dirty for eating chocolate for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

47. I’m married but Christmas is always a stressful time trying to fly and visit both sides. I don’t look forward to it at all. I guess I like being home. I’ve spent one Christmas alone with my dog and it was awesome. Another with jsut my sister where we ordered Chinese. Part of it is that Covid got me used to wearing sweatpants so I hate trying to look nice lol

48. Last year I was single for the winter holidays. I have a very close male friend who is also single and hates spending the holidays with his family. So I had him over for both Thanksgiving and Xmas and it was just the two of us. We made food and binge watched Marvel movies/shows and it was awesome.

    You’d be surprised how many people are alone during the winter holidays and would love to spend the holidays platonically with others. Try sending out a couple of feelers!