Women of reddit, what mattered much in a relationship when you were younger but was trivial retrospectively looking now ? (Also vice versa)

16 comments

1. That they live close to my home. I wanted to stay close to my family when I was younger, even living 30minutes away sounded awful to me. Now I live across the world away from them bc my fiancé is from there lol

2. Funnily enough it stayed the same, i just got harsher with staying on track

3. Actual compatibility didn’t matter all that much to me in my 20’s. I would talk to people I was with about our future’s, but never in a serious way. So if our ideas of our lives were different (ie they wanted kids, I didn’t. They wanted to get married, I didn’t), it didn’t matter. I didn’t actually think we would wind up together.

   It matters way more in my 30’s, when I feel ready to be with someone long term or in a more serious way.

4. Looks

5. Not initially finding the person PHYSICALLY attractive.

   It’s 100% that old adage “beauty is in the eye of the beholder.” You grow to love that person and everything else follows. My ex did NOT do it for me when we first met (I actually thought he was extremely unattractive). But NOW? He is hands down the sexiest partner I’ve ever had and I’m not kidding. He still looked the same physically, but something about the sight of him lit me up. He’s the first and only one to ever do that and I made sure to let him know it every chance I got (including showering him with compliments).

6. I started dating my spouse bc they had a blue Mohawk and the same tattoo as me 😂(I had pink hair at the time)

   Nowadays I would not start a relationship based on those things

7. For me, what mattered most when I was younger was finding someone who made me laugh and who I had a strong physical connection with. In retrospect, I realize that those things are important, but they are not the only things that matter. What matters most to me now is finding someone who is kind, supportive, and understanding.

8. I was so dead set on finding a dominant man. Went to therapy, now my bf calls me mommy 💀💀💀💀

9. Going out and doing things. I guess because we were young and school was a majority of our lives, going out was a bigger deal. Now we purposely filled our house with nice furniture to stay home instead.

10. Having the same aesthetic and music taste as me.

11. My exact “type” in terms of looks. The attraction wore off once I realized they lacked depth and our values didn’t even align. There was chemistry and attraction but zero compatibility, and I felt horrible when they would ask why I was standoffish when I seemed so into them in the beginning.

12. I used to not care about a man having money or a good job, but as I got older and dealt with a bunch of freeloading losers, it has actually become very important to find a partner who is financially stable and self-sufficient.

13. When I was younger, I wanted a boyfriend of a similar age with no kids. Not because I had anything against older guys with kids (I love kids) just that in my mind I wanted to be able to complete milestones together.
    Over time, I became ready to settle down, but found guys my age weren’t interested.
    So then met my BF, who is 11 years older with me and has a 12 year old daughter (who I adore) and I couldn’t be happier

14. I used to think looks were everything.

    My first and only crush is now my husband, so it worked out, and hes still drop dead gorgeous, but there’s so much he has to offer and his looks are not important to me at all

15. I cringe when I think about how low my standards were. I actually thought stupidity was cute and endearing so I was into himbos who I couldn’t even have a normal conversation with. I used to never go for nerdy types but now that’s a must. I don’t need a genius but intelligence matters and I don’t want to feel embarrassed about my own nerdy interests.

16. Doing everything together .

    I value my solitude immensely now.