Hey reddit first time posting so to preface this is a little bit of word vomit but here it goes.
We have been dating for 7 months
I understand where she is coming from with her depression and anxiety as I have suffered from major depression and anxiety in the past but clawed my way out of it.
I did everything I could to help her: helped her find therapy, talked to her about her past and supported her, pushed her forward, and try to make her feel happy. I try to keep open line of communication with her.
But
It feels like she doesn’t listen or want help, almost like she wants to wallow in it and honestly I feel like I’m being left out emotionally in the relationship. She does everything she can to make me know she likes me, love bombs, tells me she cares how I feel and think but I feel like I’m walking on glass and a mine field at the same time. We have talked about this and even of she tells me to not walk on glass for her, I cant, If I say the wrong thing she shuts down and the girl I like is gone. If I don’t reply or say the wrong thing again, her anxiety makes her think I want another girl or I dont like her all of a sudden. If I tell her I’m upset with her or theirs problems, she’s gone again.
Looking back, I wonder if it’s her feelings that she’s caring about or mine. It feels like she’s using her emotions as a hostage and me as a punching bag.
One of the biggest parts that makes me feel like im not that important to her is she knows I have a fear of having children and trust issues (I was stupid in high school and trusted two ex’s I shouldn’t have and coupled with a mother who was a drug addict, my current GF is the first person I’ve had a romantic relationship with in 8 years.) to the point I religiously use condoms and check each one before and after. Even with her knowing all this and my past she doesn’t seem to care and brings up no condoms on a regular basis. I’ve brought up birth control with her multiple times, told her I’d pay for it and whatever else I could do to make it easier. She then proceeds to forget or just not care. She’ll randomly bring it up saying she’s looking into it then radio silence.
Honestly I’m mentally/emotionally burnt out, don’t know what to do and want to partially give up on both the relationship/dating in general. I really like her and at one point thought I could trust and settle down later.
Maybe having trust issues and being single for 8 years makes me not as emotionally available as I should be.
TLDR: girlfriend is using her emotions as a hostage and a battering ram. Starting to think her emotions or wants are the only thing important to her.
Thanks for visiting my word vomit ted-talk.
What do you think?
2 comments
When dealing with such women, you must treat them as children.
In that you must not be the one walking on egg shells, you should be confident that when she acts up, you know how to shut it down quickly.
If she shuts down, then let her have her tantrum until she eventually learns that shutting down does not get her far. Don’t try to talk to her when she’s doing this, rather, tell her to go to another room until she calms down.
When she gets upset over nothing, simply tease her about it. Don’t “try to fix it”, because she WANTS you to engage in the drama; whereas the healthy thing is to make her feel and understand that she’s acting childish.
Treat her like you would an annoying little sister. In that you want the best for her, but you’ll make it clear – in a teasing way – when she’s being ridiculous.
I think it might be a time for an honest talk with her about your feelings and how you feel burnt out. If her anxiety is really as bad as it sounds then she needs to get some help for it.