Okay, this is weird and complicated.
So I (19F) can’t stop thinking about this guy (20M, let’s call him S). Despite him being picked on for his appearance, I thought he had pretty eyes, plus he had similar music taste to me. But then I found out recently that he’s a total piece of trash (has backwards views, was being rude to the cafeteria people, made fun of my best friend’s looks when I showed him a selfie we took), but he’s always on my mind despite all the red flags waving. I obviously don’t want a relationship with S and I wouldn’t feel anything if he got a girlfriend. In fact, I’d be much happier if I never saw or heard from S again.
Despite not liking S, I can’t stop thinking about him. I don’t think this is a crush because I don’t want to be with him. These thoughts don’t involve a relationship with S or fantasies of any kind, they’re just *thoughts*, but I don’t want him in my mind. These thoughts are intrusive and unwanted and they pop up at the most random times, even when I’m out having a good time or with my boyfriend (21M, let’s call him K). Thinking about S makes me depressed, guilty, and nauseous, but I can’t stop doing it. I went No Contact yesterday.
Even worse, I already have a relationship with someone for about a year (mentioned K above) and he’s absolutely perfect. I’m very happy in this relationship. Our time together is always great, he treats me very well, and the thought of leaving or parting ways with K makes me so sad and scared. I’m so scared of these thoughts to the point where I’ve been crying lately. I told K about these thoughts and he was very understanding and didn’t try and accuse me of anything. I want to focus more of my energy into my relationship with my boyfriend instead of being sad about these unwanted thoughts all day.
So I’m asking: How do I nip these thoughts about S in the bud and stop thinking about him, and how do I focus energy on my relationship with my boyfriend and my friends instead?
TL;DR: Can’t stop thinking about somebody despite 1) he’s a walking talking red flag, and 2) I’m already in a happy relationship. How to get that guy off my mind and instead focus on my relationship with my actual boyfriend.
1 comment
This has happened to me all my life and I don’t know if this is your situation but I will tell you. My mind (me) subconsciously recalls things, especially at opportune times, to torture myself. Its like this ridiculous thought torments me because I know, especially during this certain time, it will effect me the most. I have anxiety issues so maybe that’s not your problem but that’s all I could think of.