Don’t get me (19M) wrong I’d love to have raw sex with my gf (38F) but im just not ready. Anxieties are high af and the fear of knocking her up is killing me yet its all she talks about. How can I get her to stop dropping hints and pressuring me about raw sex?

26 comments

  1. > How can I get her to stop dropping hints and pressuring me about raw sex?

    Stop dating her. You’re right to be afraid of knocking her up; you’ve barely gotten your own life started and you’re involved with a woman who’s twice your age and old enough to be your mother. If you knocked her up, she’d be eligible to collect Social Security by the time the kid’s 18.

    I think she’s trying to take advantage of you, and I suggest that you get the hell out of that situation no matter how flattering it feels to be the object of an older woman’s lust.

  2. Tell her exactly what you have written here, that you’re not ready, you have anxiety about it, and you don’t want to get her pregnant. Ask her to please stop pressuring you and that you will bring up the topic when you feel you are ready. If she cannot respect your decisions and boundaries then break it off.

  3. Just tell her point-blank, “I’m not going to have sex with you without a condom.”

    If she can’t respect that, she’s waging a massive red flag in front of you and you should question whether she’s the right person to be with.

  4. Never be pressured into doing something you’re uncomfortable with. Given the age difference, it’s especially understandable that you’re hesitant in the face of possible STIs or pregnancy. So many questions your gf should answer before even beginning to entertain her request:

    * Are you 100% sure she is monogamous and would never cheat?
    * Has she physically shown you recent STI test results?
    * Has she shown you current birth control that she is using?
    * Do you know what she would do if she got pregnant? Do you live in a state where abortion is restricted or banned?

    You should feel comfortable telling her that while you would love to have raw sex, you can’t unless all of your concerns about pregnancy and disease have been discussed and laid out. A good partner wouldn’t be offended by this. In fact two of my last three partners asked for raw sex before answering these questions, and they had to deal with me saying no. (And in one case, profusely apologizing to me for physically grabbing my dick and moving towards putting me inside her.)

  5. She is already hitting “the wall”, thus wanted to have family and husband asap. If you are not on the same path then should let her know.

  6. She’s a predator. There’s probably a reason she wants to not use protection. Please don’t continue dating someone old enough to be your parent.

  8. You dump her.

    Pushing consent boundaries like this, especially with a younger partner, is toxic as fuck.

  10. Have you told her yet that you’re definitely not comfortable with not using condoms? If she can’t respect your feelings on this then she’s not the right woman for you.

  12. She wants you to get her pregnant. And then you’re gonna be paying child support. Break up with her. 38 and 19 is ridiculous.

  13. Please don’t take this as an insult but lots of not-so-great older people. Will target younger people to date because they have bad intentions. And figure they are more likely to get away with shitty behavior with someone younger.

    The fact that you really really don’t want an unplanned pregnancy at your age speaks highly of you.

    I’d think about moving on to another woman. At 19 your still around a lot of people closer to your age.

    Imagine having to deal with this woman forever as a baby mama? Sounds awful

  15. 1. She’s a groomer.

    2. She may be trying to trap you.

    There are a lot of red flags here. I would leave this relationship ASAP.

  17. Getting knocked up is probably exactly what she wants, stand your ground. Also, fucking run. Stop dating her. To me it sounds like she’s using you as a sperm donor.

  19. I’d run away from this if I was you. It sounds like a nightmare and she’s wrongly pressuring you into things you don’t want. She’s old enough to be your mother and is happily running the risk of having a child with you. I’m the same age as you and the thought of dating someone this old is gross and predatory.
    Your anxieties are warning you this is wrong, so listen to them!!

  20. You are a person, you have every right to say “No.” if you aren’t comfortable with something, that isn’t something just us women can use, you guys get to use it too. Do not let her pressure you into something you’re not comfortable with, if she keeps pushing it then that’s a red flag, if she can’t respect your boundries then she clearly doesn’t care about you.

  23. Realize this right now:

    She wants a sperm donor. She is anxious to have a kid and she wants you to be the father.

    Dump her if she can’t accept a condom.

    Period.

  24. Not only should you NOT do this, but if you continue to have sex with her make sure that she never has access to the condoms until you’re ready to put them on. Millions of babies are the result of holes poked in condoms

  25. There is a reason she’s adamant about this. If you don’t believe that, tell her you’ve had a vasectomy or that you’ve tested sterile and can never have children and watch her drop you.

  26. Dude, I am 37 and would never be dating someone your age to begin with. But that said, there is a power difference that needs to be acknowledged. A 38 year old is probably established in their career, finished with schooling and has personal assets. If you get that person pregnant they have less to lose, but you might be giving up college and a better job in order to support a child you didn’t want. Play around with a hot older person all you want. But protect yourself and don’t think they have your best interests at heart.

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