As a 41/F who’s relationship with her partner & best friend (52/m) ended after 5 yrs, I’m the person who completely withdraws, cries a lot, and spends a yr+ either mourning or just focusing on me, b/c I’m just not ready to get back into my feelings again.
He acknowledged that he loves me but that we “just didn’t work”, (translated to: slap in the face) immediately moved on and started online dating, jumped into a monogamous relationship, and that was that. BUT, I’ve spent the last year in counseling, trying to navigate my feelings about the end of our relationship, my failures and how I can be a better partner, and just trying to get back to a version of myself that can give my all to and handle a relationship responsibly and without bias.
Am I handling this all wrong?
TL;DR : When I get out of relationships I tend to socially withdraw and spend at least a year being uninvolved with other ppl. I’m not sure if that’s “normal” or not. What do you do?
1 comment
Everyone processes breakups differently so in wouldn’t say what you’re doing is right or wrong. I will say that the fact he so quickly jumped into a new relationship probably means he was actually done with your relationship at about year 4 and just rode out the last year.
Regardless, do what you feel you need to do in order to be happy with yourself. I wouldn’t sit there and frame this as you needing to address failures or be a better partner because a) I doubt you have any true failures & b) it’s entirely plausible that you were a great partner and he was just no longer in love with you but lacked the courage to tell you. So don’t beat yourself up too hard over this. Life is short, move on to things that will bring you joy! And hey, if you’re on the east coast, hit me up!