(23f) I’ve been dating this guy (20m) and he’s a pretty nice guy. We have literally everything in common and a lot of fun together. He kind of has aggression issues which I didn’t think was a big deal because he doesn’t really hurt me. I also never really saw him as a threat despite his numerous attempts to “assert dominance.” I’m like 5’3 and he’s 5’10 I think, and he makes it well known that I’m weaker than him. Sometimes when we’re alone I feel a little scared, but he has a really soft and emotional side, which I’ve never seen with a guy I’ve dated before.
Sometimes he says stuff like he wants to cut me up into pieces and eat me, so that I can never leave him. Other times he says he’ll just kill me if I leave. I took them as a joke and we laughed it off. I’m older, so I felt like maybe he’s just being immature? Idk. The jokes were starting to make me uncomfortable. He’ll sometimes say it and put his hands on my neck then laugh it off. Other times he’ll say it right before we have sex like it’s a turn on for him. There have been times where he says it and bites me. He told me that he likes the sound of me in pain. He also told me that he wanted to have sex with me while wearing the Michael Myers mask.
I don’t think he would actually kill me, but the jokes aren’t really funny anymore. When I tell him to stop he says he knows I like it. I don’t. Last night he asked me if I’d ever kill someone with him. I told him no. I can no longer tell if this is a joke. I’m scared.
tldr- My boyfriend keeps joking about killing me, so that I won’t leave him. He won’t stop even if I ask.
edit: This is not a joke, it’s not fake, it’s not a troll. This is real. I didn’t feel comfortable telling family or friends about it. I am scared. I want to leave, but I do not want to go about it in the safest way possible. I plan on skipping town. I might do it without even telling him. I will try to also get a RO thank you all for the advice!
34 comments
You should break up with your abusive boyfriend
There are a variety of red flags here.
OP this is very serious and not normal behavior at all. Myself or the people around me have never had a partner saying these things. The part about he’ll kill you if you leave is chilling, because violent partners often say that before assaulting and harming their partners. Please leave him and stay safe
If you feel uneasy, it’s time to move on girl
Tell your friends, family, and people you trust.
If this is making you uncomfortable leave op. Don’t listen to his words and leave.
Find a safe place and stay with trusted people. Also record ans gather evidence of him saying this or ny interaction before you leave.
This can be useful if you want a RO in the future. Leave
There’s something really wrong with him. People don’t just say this to their girlfriends and then when asked to stop tell them that they like it. Who in their right mind would like being told that?
If you insist on staying out of fear, document everything he says and does. Continue to tell him you don’t like it and you want him to stop. Keep track of what his reactions are.
Tell everyone you trust about this. Someone needs to know about it just in case you go missing. Talk to a counselor and the police. They have experience and can tell you that you NEED to take these threats seriously. They can also offer better advice on what to do.
He asked you if you’d ever kill someone with him? THIS IS NOT A JOKE! He has a plan for someone. Might even be you.
You need to get out asap. You need to protect yourself.
Is this for real? You should be super concerned and leave him before he actually hurts you. And when you break up don’t do it face to face. If you need to go to his place have someone (brother/father/guy friend) come along with you. This is very serious!
That is not a joke. Get out of that relationship for your safety.
That is not normal. At best he has a really creepy fetish and is pushing on you without your consent. At worst, well…
Leave. Run fast. This man is not joking and him are putting your life in danger. Do not contact him ever again. This is classic warning signs for a serial killer
Leave soon and completely. Go somewhere safe that he doesn’t know about, and cut contact. Tell friends and family about him, tell his family (if they are trustworthy) about your concerns. For any partner remotely worth having, there is no need to use the phrase “I don’t think he would actually kill me.” This dude is terrifying and clearly he fantasizes about killing people.
I’m not usually an advocate of involving law enforcement but in this case I think you should consider contacting them.
Explain to me how this is funny.
You need to leave. Now.
These are not jokes. These are air raid sirens warning you to get the hell away from him. He has been testing your limits. He’s seeing what you will tolerate.
You are scared. That is reasonable. He is a threat to your safety and you need to start listening to the warnings.
How much of your life do you want to spend with someone who scares you, threatens you, and hurts you for his pleasure? Is this the kind of relationship you want?
Frankly, you need to end it immediately. And you need to be very very careful when you do. If you are not living together, break up over text, block him everywhere, and up your home security. Tell friends and family. You need support and help. If you live together, you need to leave when he’s not there. Don’t warn him. Don’t worry about explaining yourself or justifying your decision. You do not owe him “closure” nor another chance. You just need to get him the fuck out of your life.
If, after breaking up, he harasses you, get a restraining order immediately. And enforce it. Call the cops if he so much as shows the top of his nose in your vicinity.
It’s time to stop trying to be “nice” and start taking action to protect yourself.
Choking you (strangling you – restricting blood or air flow) increases the risk of him killing you by 900%. Not to mention comments about never letting you go and wanting to eat you.
This is a dangerous man. You must leave him but be very careful, separation is the highest risk time. Seek professional support and report him to the police.
https://www.dvact.org/post/do-you-know-the-8-step-timeline-in-domestic-abuse-homicides
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This must be a troll post.
WTF?? Get out now!!
Call a DV hotline and make an escape plan. This isn’t normal.
If someone jokes about killing me once? I’m leaving. He has aggression issues. It will escalate, maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but there is no future in which this does not end with you being hurt, possibly killed. He’s telling you who he is, listen to him and run as far and as fast as you fucking can away from this man.
“Hes a pretty nice guy he just threatens to kill me as a joke”
Listen ive been where you are before. It started out as jokes. Then when i was leaving he put a gun to my head and told me no one would know he killed me and where he’d hide me, so to sit back down.
Im not saying he’s crazy like my ex was, but that isnt something to joke about. Most women who are murdered by their partners or men they trust. Keep that in mind. I didnt think it would happen to me till it did. Just take care of yourself okay
Please get out while you can. He is testing your boundaries and if you’ll complain when the abuse escalates.
Call a domestic abuse hotline. Get out of there.
The red flags can cover an entire continent and still some people manage to not see them. How.
If you don’t break up with him now, you could always hit record on your phone and set it face down on the table, get him to say one of those things on recording. Then you could go to the police with that.
Of course point blank he may feel like he’s a killer or whatever for saying these things, but if anything happened to you the police would automatically make him a prime suspect.
People don’t say ‘Id like to kill you with a knife and eat your flesh’
‘ oh I was just joking hehe XD ‘
No, that’s retarded and you should just let the loser be by himself till he stops being a wannabe killer moron.
Haha you aren’t dead yet I guess I one way to look at it . It concerns me that you said you feel safe with him “most of time”. You should not a question in your mind you are safe with him. I have a weird sense of humor and have never joked like this. It’s not funny at all. I mean he said he will kill you if you leave him. Don’t people usually say they would die if their SO left them or something like that? He’s nuts. Like he probably torchered animals as a kid and probably still does kind of nuts. You might want to reevaluate your relationship. Doing you in a Michael Myers mask is kind of funny and I think he got that from Kenny Powers. Defiantly be careful and don’t ever feel unsafe around your SO, ever. You should trust them more than anyone
Definitely leave, don’t tell him where. Don’t tell him anything. Change your phone number. Make sure your family will not tell him anything. This is not normal behavior and I am very worried for your safety.
What. the. Fuck.
OP…?? That guy is more than just psychotic… Get out of that relationship right now! That’s NOT normal! Call the police tell them everything and then let them escort you out. They will literally pull up with sirens if you tell them everything you told us.
My advice, inform the police, then find a safe place to go. Hope you don’t live together. Stay safe.
Please break up
This is wacked,get away from him safely and put a restraining order on him at least.
He’s pushing and testing your boundaries to abuse you and have you accept his treatment of you. His statements and actions are unacceptable. What line does he have to cross before you decide it’s unacceptable?
“He kind of has aggression issues which I didnt think was a big deal because he doesnt really hurt me.”
Please re-read this absolutely amazing statement you typed out. So, you will view this as a big deal when he does actually hurt you….? This is a saintly level of forgiveness youre showing. Lets hope you dont wake up as an actual saint one of these days, after he sends you to the pearly gates.
There’s nothing wrong with dark humor if BOTH PEOPLE ENJOY IT and it STOPS if someone isn’t.
This, ihmo, is beyond dark humor. This is homicidal ideation. He’s even carrying out “watered down” physical acts and says he *likes you in pain* when I assume this isn’t something YOU’VE consented to and also like?
You’re saying “I don’t THINK he’d kill me” in your relationship. Girl. Reread that. Leave. He’s dangerous.
(And I believe you. I had an ex that did this. He was dangerous.)
I’ve been in this situation. The safest route was to stay with my cousin who lived somewhere he didn’t know and breakup over the phone then wait out the storm. It’s all jokes until it isn’t anymore.
I’m very sorry Op 🙁
I saw the update- do NOT tell him! Telling an abuser you are leaving is dangerous. Just quietly leave and cut off contact with mutual friends as well.