I wouldn’t really consider seriously dating someone who has a completely different religion and/or political views than me, because we would have completely different values and opinions on everything. People have told me that that’s not ok because it’s 2022 and that I should be more open. Opinions?
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No, those are perfectly valid preferences. I feel exactly the same as you. Such differences would likely mean completely different and opposing sets of values.
> completely different religion
As long as you’re not Zoroastrian or something equally niche, shouldn’t really be an issue.
> or political views than me
Politics and certain issues matter to some people more than others. I don’t expect my partner to agree with all my stances, but some are more definitely important enough to be dealbreakers. Finding people with similar political or religious views is more a matter of location anyway so if it’s that important to you and you have a niche opinion, moving makes the most sense
No, your reason is perfectly valid. Some people really butcher almost every word meaning…
I have the same boundaries and I think similarly, I couldn’t see myself working with someone who didn’t understand how I live. Now I’m just struggling with someone who is secular but of the same religion as me. It helps our political views and most values are extremely aligned.
I’ve learned that you can disagree about a lot of things, but core values have to match. At least for me
Both religion and political views reflect more of your morality than most people think. It’s a deal-breaker for me too
Your preferences are valid. But remember, the more preferences, smaller the pool.
Personally, I think it comes down to having a common moral baseline. Like both parties have to agree that x = 0 before discussing and solving a mathematical equation involving x.
The ones telling you to be more open are the ones that history will look unfavorably upon.
Your preferences are for you. Others can have their preferences. I am extremely political. You’re not even on my radar if you’re a Republican. My life my rules. Your life your rules…
Nah, catholicism/religion in general is dumb IMO but you should probably date a catholic person. You could date an agnostic or atheist but it would create unnecessary friction and that means less of them for me xd.
The people that told you that, block them, or never listen to any of their advice.
Core values, religion and income are the 3 most important things in a couple working long term. And by income I mean that both are comfortable with what the other makes.
Your preferences sound reasonable.
I don’t think it’s too bad an idea. I’m conservative for the most part and I couldn’t and wouldn’t date any far left women.
If they were left leaning but with centrist views in some areas – I’m right leaning centrist in some areas like abortion – then I’m sure it could be made to work.
As for religion absolutely not. I’m “atheist” and probably couldn’t date anyone that is religious. I don’t do church and I definitely wouldn’t convert to any abrahamic religion.
It’s been well studied and researched that lasting relationships are more likely to form when two individuals share similar upbringing and values. This means religion, political beliefs, and even family structure and socioeconomic status.
Ultimately you should do what makes you comfortable. With that said the world is being more blended in terms of religion etc. This extremely drastic shift is most likely why people are saying you should be more open. Opposites can attract and finding someone that balances you out isn’t the worst idea in the world.
Not unrealistic , just limiting. It depends on what your beliefs are, but if your beliefs limit your dating pool to a very small community you might want to broaden your search
Everyone deserves love, so you deserve to find someone you love with similar values to you.
Love is love don’t let people tell you what you should believe. Life’s a trip whatcha tripping about?
No, I’m actually very attracted to a woman who is a different religion and in several ways different politically. We are both moderate in the political view, however we tend to vote opposite on the candidates. We respect each other’s views and even do support each other when in disagreement in areas. We have had this talk many times over the years. Our core values are very much in line. We both have kids and our kids get along very well, most if the time. ( we both have alpha daughters and at times they can clash ) Her kids, as well as the mom, think if me as a 2nd dad. We enjoy a lot of the same activities, as well as being independent. Her kids wish she would date and that it was me, however she has a lot if trauma to get past, in tge mean time I’m there and she knows it, even invites me over fir holidays to celebrate with her and the kids.
It boils down to simply respecting each other’s views and supporting each other even when disagreement happens.
When I was 19 I fell for a guy who didn’t “share the same values” I had. I tried to break up with him and everyone in my life told me I was being an idiot so I stuck around. I spent 15 years compromising on every value, moral, ethics, etc. I had and completely missed out on having children (which I really wanted when I was young.)
If it’s important to you, don’t compromise, look for compatibility instead. You’ll have a much more successful relationship.
If those are important enough to be deal breakers then that’s perfectly valid. Remember though that people are ever changing and politics/religion are often things that evolve with age, so try not to be too harsh
Core values should match, but there will and should always be things you disagree on. It’s part of forming a healthy relationship is to accept that not everyone is going to be the same.
About religion I understand but about politics… I would not give much more importance to that. But you have to consider some things:
1. Relationships are not based on political debates, they are supposed to add other things to your life, if you put too much importance on their political views, you could end up with the wrong person just because “you think the same”
2. If something related to politics is your career, then maybe it can become an important thing because you will feel the need to criticize each other’s views if something arise
3. Politics and values are not necessarily related, if you are to eager to think this way, I would consider that as a red flag on your end, because it tells me you are close minded, unable to flow with people with different opinions. What does the word “value” mean to you? There are definitely more intelligent ways to measure how compatible you are with someone in matter of values.
4. If you are a woman who is too much into politics, just be careful to not come off as too masculine. Politic topics require some amount of competitiveness, and instead of being a feminine match for your masculine, you could end up creating and atmosphere of camaradas, which can kill the attraction, you are a couple, not colleagues.
5. If you are a man who wants a woman that is passionate about politics, you should be open to a woman who does not share same opinions than you, since then you would be unrealistic and probably closing your options to near nothing
6. Your priorities are inmature. There are other things more important in a relationship than opinions, learn to relate with the other sex in a different way, you are supposed to be a safe space, not a competitor, or someone who is looking for debate all the time, or even worse, looking for opportunities to win debates. I discovered that prople who are too much into debates, are people who have repressed anger and who live constantly in defensive mode, relationships are not based on that.
7. Try to prioritize other things such as your ability to navigate conversations without making debates. I was dating a guy that we were so different, I love animals he does not like them so much, I liked nature and he liked luxury. We stop dating for other stuff that is not related to that but it was so amazing because we were on a level of maturity where we laughed at those differences instead of trying to find why the other person is wrong,
8. Sometimes we don’t accept other people’s views out of arrogance, we are so set in the idea that we are right, that if someone thinks differently it’s because they have other flaws behind their mentality. That only shows the closed minded person is the one with flaws that need healing.
9. Sorry OP this time I think this is like a red flag from you
Unless these “people” plan on being you, their
opinions don’t count. Your mate will be for the rest of YOUR life, not theirs!
If you can’t find a compatible person within 2 years of looking, you’re being unrealistic. So if it’s not 2 years yet, keep at it. Anybody saying these preferences aren’t unrealistic doesn’t have any clue what they’re talking about without knowing specifically your religion and political leaning.
It depends on how high of a priority those Values are for that person. Major differences in values will create friction. If you have conflicting values, that can cause way too much friction. Try to align with the Major Values that people often discribe as deal breakers. Its completely possible for religious and non religious people to be together. But it will cause friction somewhere. Be prepared to make compromises. You are never going to get a match for 100% but if you can agree on the 10 most import issues with someone you are probably compatible.
never let anyone tell you what you should want
No, that is not unrealistic at all. Carry on.
No stick to your standards what’s 2022 got to do with it?? Why would you intentionally invite strife into your life for the sake of a messed up year let’s be honest those two are very important as they effect life style marriage and child raising
No, I’m the same way. I identify as a Christian Atheist and Democratic Socialist. I’m not interested in women who are super religious, prefer atheists or agnostics who come from a Christian background and still see value in the life and teachings of Jesus. In politics, I would never want to date a conservative. I’m only interested in women who are very liberal.
My first real relationship was with a woman who was super religious and theologically and politically conservative. Never again. It was a disaster!
I agree with you, especially nowadays because now politics is moral. It used to be about big government versus small government and how to tax people.
Depends on how much you care what someone believes vs how they act. My wife is Christian. I’m agnostic. We agree on basic morality since there is no requirement that morality be based on any given religion. She couldn’t care less what Religion someone use and considers people who care about the religion of others as busybodies.
We’ve been married for 40 years.
That’s okay. I’m same way.
You should be open to opinions as a civil and peaceful person
But that doesn’t mean you have to be okay dating someone with OPP beloved and values as you.
No one person will agree with you 100% of the time
Something’s will matter more than others
It all depends on what that differences of opinion is.
You’re not wrong at all. Far from it.
That’s called being compatible. If you’re dating to have a future with a person it is VERY important that you are both on the same page.
If you’re dating just to add notches to your bedpost, then ok, date different people for the experience. But to be fair, tell them that you’re not interested in anything long term.
Your preferences are completely valid and I think you should stick to them. When looking for a serious relationship who you might want to start a family with it’s important that your values align.