A guy asked me on a date but I got scared and ghosted him

27 comments

1. Don’t feel so bad about it. It’s not your fault plus it’s a good thing your not rushing things. I salute you for that.

2. May I ask aside from not being ready what is it that’s bothering you?

3. Why don’t you just text him why you don’t wanna date instead of confusing the poor guy so he can properly move on.

   Would you like being ghosted and confused?

4. A date might not hurt… it’s okay, but don’t let your guard down. Especially since you met him online judgment is within your control mama. We support you 😉

5. Did he tell you what kind of date? (no malice or any of that) serious question.

6. OP – you seem to have insecurity and self-esteem issues which are coming to the surface by being asked on a date by a younger guy.

   You’re afraid that if you meet up, he won’t like you as much and will lose interest and you’ll get hurt.

   But what you’re doing isn’t fair on either of you – you’re stringing him along, and you’re depriving yourself of an opportunity to meet a guy who is interested in you.

7. ohhhhhhhh no need to rush things. U can obvi take all the time you need. But still I agree with the some of the comments, you gotta let him know your true feelings and be honest about it. One thing I learned is men don’t have mind reading or supernatural powers.

   In terms of using goodnight any honest opinion about it? Used it a times back like 2years ago and majority of people I encountered talking were from the middle east and Asians and very few from the US. Don’t think I hate it, I just ain’t a fan of LDR. I still like their “Random Calls” though tho option was a good way to put me out there and get over my anxiety

8. I think you need to take time to actually examine and manage your emotions.

   If you are afraid, you shouldn’t be trying to date. It’s a waste of time and energy and everyone involved just ends up disappointed. Look at what you’re doing to the guy. Look at what you’re doing to yourself. STOP. Reevaluate your expectations. Work on managing your fears. Even get therapy if you need and can afford it.

   You’re not ready. Stop hurting your potential dates. Stop hurting yourself. Put in the work required to become ready.

9. You’re too old to be ghosting people. You’re also too old to lack in communication skills.

   Poor guy should probably move on but apparently likes you enough to sacrifice some dignity.

10. First, You know I have a feeling that the community need to get use to girls, dating guys, younger than themselves, just as guys were dating younger women for ages and no one pick them for doing that. Second is just check with him to see what is he after, is he really want a relationship or he just after free sex, if he is interested in going out with older girls comes from maturity. If you like him and u look younger than your age , and he is a mature version of a man go for it . But please for the love of god don’t feel bad that he is younger than u.

11. It took me awhile to get back out there when my ex left. It finally just occurred to me, I’m pushing 40 and going out on a date doesn’t mean you have to get married or be exclusive. It’s just two adults getting together and going on a date.

12. Am interested in this goodnight app.

13. Wowww… the comments in here are brutal. Please ignore them.

    I was in your shoes a few years back. Separated, bought own home, two kids, divorced, early 40s…It is terrifying after being married and your mindset focused on your kids and husband and then all of a sudden you’re single and never expected to be dating at this point.

    I did the exact thing you are doing right now. Started talking to a slightly younger man and got along with him extremely well and suddenly he wanted to meet and everything was just too REAL suddenly. I tried to delay and then push him away and finally just came out and said I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing! He responded similar to your guy and said ok we can just keep talking and take it slow. So instead of meeting first we started FaceTime chats a few nights a week. It made me so much more comfortable with it and eventually we did meet. We had a very fun time for a while and at some point decided to just be friends since we were looking for different things. Since we got along so well he has been who I go to for advice about dating and guys I am talking to and I am still friends with him even now.

    So basically, what’s happening is normal and it’s fantastic he isn’t pressuring you or upset that you are hesitant. Respond to him!! He’s a keeper!! (Trust me, not a lot out there would be as understanding).

    This is a situation where you just have to jump in and swim. Once you get through your first date you will start to get more comfortable with it. Feel free to DM me if you want to chat! Would be happy to help you navigate the unknown!

14. Stop being a fucking child.

15. I think you should just block him, then he stops wasting his time on you.

16. If you’re not interested in him, you need to tell him.

17. The root of it is you fear potentially being rejected. Rather than face that possibility, it’s easier to ghost. I think you should work on yourself before your ready to date again.

18. >he asked me if I wanted to go on a date with him and I’ve been ghosting him for two days now.

    To a man, it’s very disturbing to think that the woman you’re with might be secretly unhappy with what’s going on, but remaining silent and going with the flow until she can think about it later. You’re sending a clear signal that he will forever be trying to guess what kind of panic you’re secretly dealing with. I would run a mile.

    But he’s young, so either he hasn’t figured this out or he’s just looking for a one-night stand.

19. >I feel so guilty

    You should. Ghosting is always wrong.

    Honestly you’re lucky if he’s still available after ghosting him for 2 days. I personally would have moved on, since ghosting is an answer in itself.

20. Ma’am, respectfully, your 37. Your better than this. Don’t let fear ruin your life. Seek therapy if you need it but don’t allow the trauma of your past to ruin your present and dictate your future.

21. Please dont fucking ghost … ghosting childish …

22. As a guy who has been ghosted and stood up many times, please don’t do this. I’d much rather be rejected then left wondering wtf happened.

23. Well whatever you decide it would be nice to at least no Ghosh him and be honest if you can’t do a relationship at the moment 🙂

    Been there 😉 divorced at 37 and first guy I fell for after was 27 lol
    You don’t have to do that though.
    For me it was very beneficial and he and k are now best friends… I eventually totally outgrew the whole thing but for 1,5 year it was awesome and fun and I learned sa lot! 😉

24. OP i have read through the various threads and what’s going on seems understandable. I understand your pain from your ex and your past. However you need to tell this man you atleast are still healing or having issues getting back into dating. I’m going to say what will actually happen. If you keep ghosting and retracting and not explaining much to him he will cut the bait. No one is saying anything is wrong with any of either of you but this sounds stressful on his part because he is not aware of what’s happening with you. If your looking to get back into dating their is risks, trust, etc. that’s involved. If your not ready that’s okay too.

25. I get that being a single mom is tough, but if you’re 37 and still act like this, then dating shouldn’t be your main focus.

26. Can’t find the right person without a possibility for rejection. Put your big girl pants on.

27. You need to work on your issues and also communicate to him how you’re feeling. He sounds like a really nice guy.