My [m22] boyfriend [m25] and I have been together for two years and have never have sex

I \[m22\] have been with my boyfriend \[m25\] for over two years. We met on Grindr during covid the first summer it happened in our hometown and hit it off. He was sweet, kind, caring, and handsome plus he seemed to really be into me. When he first came over to “study calculus” he went down on me; in fact, I was less into it than he was (There was no big finish for either of us). After that, he went home and we hung out a few more times, and I will include he was the only one who would occasionally have a “big finish” until he went back to college, we would hang out and kiss and do mouth stuff haha it was really nice. I never tried to go all the way, but I thought it was fine because he would do things like give me car mouth stuff for over 20 min. When he went back to college I was 500 miles away from him but we didn’t stop talking. We would facetime just about every day and keep tabs on each other. I remember starting to fall for him and feeling really excited to talk to him every day. The problem was, we weren’t dating. We had talked about it before and he was against it. He said he didn’t want to do long-distance mid-semester, but we kept talking. One night during that semester he even suggested that I come to visit him at his southern school and after some time I decided to. I just spent a weekend there and it was a lot of fun to escape hometown covid boredom and go to a place where they are still throwing parties. We had planned to go all the way that weekend too but, for some reason, he just always had a reason we couldn’t when I would ask, and on top of that he didn’t finish but I finally did. I remember thinking it was like we swapped places. Then after another long month of school, he came back. Again we still weren’t dating at this point and we were both hooking up with others but I didn’t ask back then. It’s weird, that time when he came back he came straight to see me (I asked him to) and I tried again to go all the way after some catching up but we didn’t have any lube on hand so we couldn’t. We got the lube (hanging out and having fun all the while) and then he revealed something important. He told me that his ex from over a year ago had scarred him. He used to go all the way with him but he said since then that he had never gone all the way again. I believed him so I calmed down. I decided we would take our time with him and so things slowed down in the bedroom, really slowed down. Also, his dad called me his boyfriend then a week later we were dating officially.

Over the next 9 months, a lot happened, we would have times when he couldn’t finish for over a week even though I was with him. I would get super insecure, we would fight about it, and I would end up looking through his phone. In there at one point I found a serious amount of dudes with his nudes (all sent before our relationship at least), accompanied by some really raunchy messages he said came to no action, that would still Snapchat him. He said they were random responses to his posts that he didn’t respond to, and I did always see that they would send him the last message before he left them on open. But, I even found a guy that had said not but a month before we started dating that “he loved \[going in\] him” with my boyfriend’s response being “I did too.” Of course, I confronted him, and he told me that it was only a second and that he asked the guy to stop and that he did, but my bf didn’t know what else to say to this dude. I trusted him as I did with the others and I asked him to block them. He still didn’t block all of them but he said he just didn’t see them on his first check, so I ended up making him delete all the nudes from the chats because you can do that in Snapchat and he did. Still, we hadn’t done it.

It was wearing on my mental health and at the end of that 9-month period we were ramping up to finally going all the way, which kept me going, but long story short he couldn’t. We drank too much one night and got into a massive fight. We ended up being broken up for a week when we decided to try and make it work. I went to AA for my drinking and he said he would go to therapy too for his butt stuff. He never did though. For context, we were still long-distance but because of covid I saw him a lot at the beginning and I could afford to visit him once a month with my job after that.

Things got better after that we’ve been stronger and closer but still haven’t gone all the way. We even moved in together 3 months ago. I love him a lot and I know he loves me. I’ve been happy. There have been no guys in his phone to speak of and yes I’ve checked with rapidly decreasing frequency. Until 4 weeks ago.

I have been over the course of our relationship feeling more and more sexually frustrated. Even to the point of asking if we can try with other people. One night he suggested I go do someone else, and so I did. He didn’t tell me this until weeks later when it slipped out seemingly by accident, but that night he added back one of the guys. A guy he had met two months before we started dating. He told me that they had indeed had sex back then, but that he did not cheat on me. Now I’m back here again.

Throughout our relationship, he has told me that the first guy I found was the only one and that he never did “it” again after his ex. Little did I know it was a lie. Meanwhile, I have tried everything I can possibly think of to make it work and it still hasn’t. Also, I might include that the dude he had re-added had previously asked for a three-some at the beginning of our relationship and my boyfriend was interested enough that he asked me. I don’t know what to do, I’ve done all of the talking possible and he says we will do it this week but what about the lies? What about the effects this could have on me long term? What about the fact that he has said stuff like this before? I can ignore it most of the time, but I don’t think this is healthy for me to wish so badly to be able to cheat. I want the guy I had at the beginning the one that made me feel attractive. The thing is other than that, he’s my best friend. My real question is: Should we break up?

TLDR: My boyfriend of two years and I have done everything except go all the way and I found out he lied about going all the way with other people, so now I don’t know if we should break up or not.