I (23m) have been dating my gf for almost two years now. I feel like I always get an erection whenever there’s any extended physical interaction without any sexual cues. Just playing/roughhousing, boom boner, casual back massage, boom boner, cuddling, boom boner, maybe even just a long hug, boom boner. It can be embarrassing because I’ve gotten erections when she sits on my lap in a public pool or something and I have to wait for it to go way.
It feels like I’m hyper sensitive to any possible sexual situation. It’s like my brain makes every encounter a sexual situation and I have no control over it. How do I learn to control something like this?
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Welcome to being in your 20s and with a girl you like. Not much you can do and I also wouldn’t worry about it. You’re not sexualizing things necessarily, you’re having physical and emotional response to stimulus. Boners happen.
How often do you experience affectionate or playful touch that *isn’t* sexual? If you’re touch-starved and only get touched in sexual situations, then it’s hard to separate affectionate/playful touch from sexual touch.
Casual sexual and non sexual contact at home that’s not meant to go anywhere.
Not like, your girlfriend randomly blows you or you have sex. Touching. Mostly hands, maybe a kiss. Consider if your gf is willing to help with this, step 1 is probably yall start being naked all the time at home. Get used to her naked body. Get to the point that you’re so used to looking at her that you can do it and not immediately get horny if there’s no sexual context going on. Ask for her indulgence and if she’ll tolerate you constantly staring at her for a while and let you get it out of your system entirely.
Step 2: Casual sexual contact. Fondling each other, cuddling naked and letting your boner press into her back. Playing with her nipples or very gently fingering her or rubbing her clit. This is about normalizing it. Right now, any contact you have with her crosses a low threshold and you get aroused. Touching her and letting her touch you when you’re not having sex, getting used to feeling horny and not doing anything about it, letting sexual touch be kinda not sexual in atmopshere between you two, will normalize these things in your brain. You get used to it.
Again, hopefully she’s up for helping with this cause it doesn’t work without her enjoying getting involved.
It will take time to acclimate. Let it. Practice your foreplay, see if you can get her excited enough to want you to fuck her more often and maybe you two have more sex. But it’ll also just help your brain adapt to spend time where the atmosphere is at least a little sexual and you have reason to get hard, and eventually like you calm down while doing it and aren’t hard anymore.
You get to the point that touch without deliberate sexual intensions doesn’t send you into hard mode, but your girlfriend giving you fuck me eyes stands you at attention.
My bf is like that as well and girls just tend to ignore it completely but internally, I always feel kinda good and flattered.