Long story short; met this guy, barely know him, talked for a couple days, didn’t wanna sleep with him because I always wanted to wait for my first relationship, but somehow it happened. Or did it?
It didnt go fully in and it lasted for about 30 seconds because it hurt so bad. Almost screaming in pain so he had to stop. At first i mentally felt nothing but I guess it took a while for me to process. I ended up feeling extremely regretful and guilty.
Other than that, im not attracted to the guy in any way. I dont like him at all. I feel nothing and he’s said he doesnt want a girlfriend but that was kinda after I committed myself to meeting up with him. So I still met up with him.
So now I feel like Im trying to keep him around so I can feel less guilty or slimy after him doing some sexual things to me and half taking my virginity.
Idk what to do, part of me wants to try to get him to fall in love with me but the other wants to cut him off. I would have if nothing happened that night but I dont want my first time to have been a waste.
Oh, and I dont plan on having sex with him again but he he wants to see me again and have sex. I guess im sorta stringing him along but he’s not emotionally invested so he’ll be fine. Me on the other hand? Im a mess. I almost downed sleeping pills a couple days ago because I thought he ghosted me. This shit is eating me alive and I hate it. (And yes, I wanna go to therapy)
Tldr; I regret losing my virginity to this guy so now Im in a dilemma of trying to keep him around so it doesnt feel like a waste despite not liking him and him not wanting a relationship. Advice needed.
11 comments
This is the worst possible reason to keep someone around. Put yourself out of your misery.
Is he the only man in town and the two of you have been charged to repopulate the Earth?
“I’m not attracted to the guy in any way. I don’t like him at all.”
Don’t keep moldy leftovers in your fridge OP, just throw them out.
Get rid of him. Virginity is a mind set not reality. Just pretend you’re a virgin and you will be. No one has to know. Don’t marry someone because you made a mistake.
Please seek therapy, OP. Also, look up the sunk cost fallacy.
I’m curious to know why you feel you can’t find anyone else or it’ll take a long time to do so?? I’m also curious to know if there’s a reason you feel so strongly about your virginity (no judgment, simply curious to know whether this is a religious/cultural thing for instance??)
My own experience with this sort of situation — I didn’t want to lose my virginity until I was in a relationship, when I did he ghosted me after and I was devastated but realised it was actually so freeing to get it out the way and get on with my life after I had this awful anxiety around my virginity due to purity culture instilled in me by my religious mother. The next relationship I got into a good few months after that is the one I’m in now – we’ve been together almost 7 years and it’s the healthiest relationship I’ve been in. He’s also only the second person I’ve slept with.
Ahhh yeah I was in this position before. Cut him off, keeping him around will only cause this dilemma to deepen. As for your virginity, don’t put too much stock in it; while you ~technically~ lost your virginity, you really didn’t have sex, and it seems like you most likely won’t with this guy.
In any circumstance, hoping or waiting for someone to fall in love with you is asking for eventual heartbreak. I promise you, if you hate yourself for kinda losing your virginity, you’ll despise every decision you’ve ever made in your life if you let him break your heart after he partially broke your hymen.
Good luck to you!
General life lesson: Never keep anyone around that is bad for you around just because they “did something for you” once. That’s like saying “there’s a person that’s called me bad names my entire life and hit me in the face. But he gave me a pencil when i needed it the other day, so I’m going to be friends with him now.” Manipulative people use love bombing (a lot of nice words and actions at first) to pull you in and guilt you into spending time with them.
Now to your specific situation: You don’t like this guy, so you don’t have to be around him. Also if he has no real desire to love you, then you can’t force him to love it. Break up with him and go to therapy, because almost unaliving yourself for a guy you don’t even like is a dangerous overreaction!
I lost my virginity to a friend when I was supposed to be waiting for marriage. I thought I could “fix” the situation by getting into a relationship with him and then hopefully marrying him.
Well, I got the relationship with him–a 3 year long, toxic relationship with a jealous, controlling, angry, emotionally abusive guy. Trust me, it’s not worth it. If you don’t like him, leave. Now.
By the way, my first did end up wanting to marry me. I said no. My friend gave the perfect advice: “Don’t punish yourself for the rest of your life because you made a mistake.”
You seem to think that another guy will not want you because of what you have done with this guy. That’s just not true. You have not gone too far to start something fresh later with someone else. And a quality guy will not hold these experiences against you.
I’m not being preachy, but save your emotions and all of that for someone you are enthusiastic about and who is equally enthusiastic about you.
Virginity is a concept made powerful by the sense of ownership people place on it. This means you can look at it whatever way you choose and take the power. For myself, it means that it isn’t something I can lose or have taken from me. Even if I have sex with a million people I will still regard my virginity as something which belongs to me and no one else. I hope conceptualising it this way helps you break the cycle.