Notes: This is her first relationship. She was homeschooled basically her whole life and is terrible with social interaction. She only has one friend in person she made a couple of months ago, and has lots of friends online.
Me and my current girlfriend started dating around the start of OCT. The first few weeks were great. However, the past 3-4 weeks have been really tough. First the context is that her mom owns a business and she works from around 7am – 4pm tuesday-sunday. She talks about how she is always tired. This started when she had covid, and then her sister quit working at the family business adding a lot of stress. I supported her in every way I could.
However these past 2 weeks I have been really struggling. I mentioned last Monday how I have been struggling because we haven’t been able to meet or talk on discord in 2 weeks. I mentioned that even if we can’t meetup I am happy just talking on discord and maybe watching a movie. She said she understood and felt bad. Last friday I asked if she could make time on sunday, and she said she was busy with a friend (its her only irl friend and they were planning this for awhile) and when I asked if she could do anything that current day on friday she mentioned she was kinda tired. She then said we could meetup Monday. I was very relieved because I could finally get time with my girlfriend again.
Now, yesterday. In the morning we talked a bit but then she stopped replying for about 5 hours. Then she said sorry for the late reply, she took a nap and woke up for lunch/dinner and went straight there, hence why she took so long to reply. After exchanging a few more messages she mentioned she was tired and could we meet friday instead? I saw she played 3 games of league of legends (a little over an hour in total time) with her friends. This really broke me. I asked if we could talk that night, and she said she was feeling tired and maybe tomorrow (would be today). and I mentioned she has scrims with her gaming team so wont she be busy. She said oh ya, wednesday then! I said ok, can we call just to say goodnight then? After like 30 minutes she mentioned she was tired so she didn’t wanna call and told me goodnight.
I feel really broken and uncared for at this point. I understand that she is tired and other things but I feel like I am setting the bar so low. I want to meet in person, but I am fine with meeting online only. I want to see her every day or multiple times a week, but I can settle for once or twice. I feel like she won’t meet me on anything. Last night as I went to sleep I kinda let my feeling out on my messages about being canceled last minute on monday after I have been struggling for weeks. She couldn’t even spare 30 seconds to call and say goodnight. She responded with “oh man, I wow uhm” “I uhm dont really know what to say” “Im sorry for making you feel this way”
Since this morning I feel like her responses are short to me and all that.
She is such a nice sweet beautiful girl that I can’t see her trying to be malicious. But I am worried she just isn’t that interested, or she wants to breakup but doesn’t know how.
tl;dr my girlfriend has been super busy with work. We haven’t met up/talked on discord in 3 weeks. I want to spend lots of time together, but I am willing to settle for once or twice a week online since shes always tired. She generally declines talking online because she is tired. She makes time for her league team twice a weeK (plays for around an hour each of those days) so I feel like she can make some time for me. My breaking point is after I waited all weekend to finally spend time together, and she cancled last minute after I waited 5 hours for a message that day. She was then playing a couple of games of league with her friends.
Sorry this post might seem rambly but I am not a great writer, and honestly am a bit depressed at this point. (I try to use depressed lightly because I think it gets tossed around too easily, but these past few weeks have taken their tole)
1 comment
This is going to look like you’re playing a head game on her, but you really wouldn’t be:
You need to stop asking for her time. If she wants you, she will realize you are drifting away and make time for you. If she doesn’t, you have your answer.
It is crystal clear you are her very last priority. You might even be soft broken-up and not even realize it. Have the self respect not to be back-burnered like this.
ETA: If you go silent on her and then she reaches out to you, I would tell her bluntly that I’m hesitant to give myself emotionally to someone for whom I’m the very last priority in her life. You could end up broken up, but what you have right no isn’t even a nascent relationship anyway. It’s you waiting to see if someone wants to give you time.
To reiterate, by my read you may already be broken up.