I was bullied because I was quite and “soft” (I’m from the hood so soft meant very feminine/weak/gay) from elementary and middle school it was so bad that the kids in my class played a game called “ (my name) cooties” where I was treated like a disease 🦠, the game spread around the school so that lead to me always being alone, at lunch, recess, sitting in the back of the classroom, and having no friends.
You never know how much your childhood could affect who you are as an adult until you go to therapy🤣. Now I’m 20, never had a friend/girlfriend/boyfriend, never been to a party, sleepover, never played sports and never had sex. All because since I was bullied for so long I find it extremely hard to create and maintain any relationships of any kind. I’m definitely not hyper masculine but I’m definitely a pretty boy, I was raised by a village of women (mainly grandmother) so instead of learn about sports and cars I was taught to cook/bake, cleaning techniques, how to take care myself and my family ( I was taught to be a housewife🤣). And ofc many men see that as soft and weak but it’s not like I can change that. And sometimes I feel like women judge me as well and don’t see me as a man (husband material). I mastered faking confidence during conversation but once it gets to personal I shut down and put up a wall to protect myself.
13 comments
That shit is all in your head man.
Nah. I know men like you who are married to very happy women because they hit a jackpot of an emotionally-self-aware and mature man. It really just sounds like you grew up way faster than the people around you, which can feel incredibly lonely. But just pick up from where you are – the things you listed are not weaknesses, they’re major strengths that a lot of men aren’t taught from a young age.
Yeah man don’t let this stuff get you down. Life is hard and a lot of what you said I can understand. My mom basically raised me, but as I got older I realized I had a respect towards women that unfortunately, not all men have. I got that from her raising me for sure. I owe her a lot. Maybe try focusing on your strengths than your negatives? Your super young man, keep that in mind please. It wasn’t until my late 30’s I started figuring things out. I’m happily married now and am still working on myself. No shame in working on yourself in my book. Especially if it can make you happy. Hang in there man and keep pushing forward, it gets better if you put in the effort.
You know what you need the most? You need to love yourself. We’re all different. We all have different talents, looks, preferences, abilities, personalities, etc. Who you are is who you are and there’s nothing wrong with that. Your unique self is just fine. It does sound to me like you could benefit from continuing with therapy and really being truthful and honest with yourself about who you are and what you really want out of life. You seem to be on the fence as to whether you’re heterosexual or homosexual. I think that’s one of the things you also need to have a good talk with yourself about. You’re also still very young and inexperienced and if you’re anything like me, I had no idea what I wanted out of life at that time, nor did I really have a clear understanding of myself. You’ve been traumatized and that’s something you really need to deal with too. Above all else, though, embrace who you are and love yourself for who you are. Those skills of yours are worthwhile.
If you ask me, that is great skill. If you feel unconfident because you’re “weak” then hit the gym. Rather wait girl that is your soulmate than some bitch for 1 night that u can find in club for less than 30 minutes.
I can’t tell from this post if you’re into women or not. You say girlfriend/boyfriend and keep it vague.
What do you want? Do you want a girlfriend?
From what I get, you’re asking how to tap into your masculine because you grew up feminine. Start going to the gym and lift weights. You’ll become masculine.
It’s true that some of the more masculine traits are attractive at first, but being with a guy who knows how to live means living a happy life, and a lot of women know that. So you may get fewer relationships started than some guys, but you are more likely to keep them and be appreciated by them long term. I would venture that you might be seen more as husband material than as boyfriend material… but you’re still at boyfriend/girlfriend age.
Sleepovers and “youth” parties are totally overrated. (Especially the latter at which there’s significant risks.) Not sure about playing sports, not my thing, but they say people who were really into group and competitive sports when young are more likely to become sedentary and overweight as adults, whereas people who exercise as a habit are more likely to stay in shape.
Look, very few of us are hot and perfect in every way. We have to learn to accept it and work with what we’ve got. It’s a little bumpy at first. Your particular situation is a little unusual, but it adds up to pretty much the same challenge almost everybody has.
I would say those are strenghts more than weaknesesses. Most men got the minset of that kind of abilities as a girls thing but, believe me, it’s very appealing that a guy doesn’t take his gf as a servant.
I mean you got like another 25 years to figure it out. I wouldn’t stress. Lol.
Hell if you really wanted a wife and were confident in never meeting one, save money for 20 years and order one to come live in your ready made world with a house and all the other stuff you will probably have by then having never married.
I know men who did just that and seem to be really enjoying themselves.
You have 60-70 years more to live no chance you meet someone or change !
I was bullied a lot too. It kind of helps to understand that bullying can result in ptsd/cPTSD. That’s where that shutting down and putting up walls comes from. It’s a protection from the onslaught. If you can’t access any therapeutic support, I’d suggest starting with the book “the body keeps the score” which is about this physical response to past trauma. Maybe check out some of the ptsd or cPTSD subs. Your response is valid. It’s hard to be different. I do want to gently point out that what youve said is you’re a “pretty boy” who is good at managing a household. That’s a good place to start. Connect with yourself physically in some way, running or yoga or hiking or something. Connect to yourself in terms of how you want to spend your time/career/hobby etc. but you have a better foundation than you think. I genuinely think a therapist is the best support in this moment but either way, your feelings and experiences are valid.
My boyfriend is good at all the “lady” stuff cuz his mom raised him. And I’m a female whos terrible at everything because I was raised by no one. So I need him to be good at all that stuff and now he can teach me how to cook and clean.
You’ll find someone your skills and shit match with. It’ll be okay đź‘Ť
You will absolutely find someone who will appreciate everything you have to offer. Keep in mind anyone bullying you doesn’t even have a completely developed brain yet. One day they will look back and feel stupid for bullying someone for those petty things.