So I’m a 24 year old virgin male with that has never had a gf. I hear advice all the time about going for it and not being scared of rejection however I dont think that describes at all. I’m not scared of rejection but I don’t find most women attractive. In fact, in the last 5 years, I have only had two major crushes. And I wasn’t scared to ask them out. But both rejected me.
Now days I am just friends with alot of guys and I have no female friends. I never understood the concept of putting a girl on a pedestal because I don’t get nervous when talking to women at all. Im not afraid to make passes but I’m rarely motivated to. I don’t feel attracted and even if I do, I lose interest very quickly.
For example, I lost interest in a woman that I was texting on a dating app after 3 days of texting. I ended up ghosting just because I forgot she existed.
I wonder if any other guys feel this way?
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40 comments
Might just be asexual.. or you might be gay.
Perhaps you are on the asexual spectrum. Doesn’t mean you have zero interest in sex, just minimal. There’s also people who simply aren’t attracted to relationships and have no imperative to pursue them. Another possibility is that you are shooting for the stars… out of your league.
28M here and I’ve had only 1 commited relationship that lasted about 2 yrs. I’m still a virgin and I’m definitely attracted to women but I feel where youre coming from OP. I’ve reached a point where I have good guy friends and even some friends who are ladies from my uni days and workplace but I havent found a woman attractive as I did my ex. I’m single ofcourse due to circumstance not choice but at the same time I also feel very unmotivated. The older I get I have friends and family asking me when I’m going to get a girlfriend again or when I’m getting married but I just tell them “if it’s meant to happen it will happen”. I hate dating apps and I really do feel once I socialize more again in a new environment maybe I’ll meet someone on the same wavelength as myself. OP you’ve got so much time still and with both of us being in out early to late 20s we have so much life to live. We’ll figure it out.
Stay off social media bro, it’s ruining your view of real life women.
I’m the same way but not a man. I consider myself gray-ace because theres not really a word that fits me, but you should look into the asexual spectrum!
Even if you feel like none of that applies to you/you dont want to use a label like that, there’s nothing wrong with you or anything. We’re just wired a bit different.
Is it maybe a fear of commitment? It’s an honest question I’m not trying to be an ass but maybe there’s like a subconscious dread/anxiety about dealing with negativity in a relationship that’s causing you to get turned off. Just start spending more time with women as a friend. Start complimenting women more, find one thing you do find attractive in them and just go from there. There’s no rush my man. Enjoy being single. Your lady is out there somewhere.
Meh. I’ve always been like this too. I don’t find men attractive as a whole, but I’m not gay or anything. I’m a straight women. It’s just I only like who I like. That’s it. I can’t even say what it is😬. I just don’t like people is the best way to put it. Lol.
Do you have mommy isssues or a history with women figures in your life that may have affected your perception of women? What are some beliefs you hold about women that could be holding you back from being attracted to them? I also think lots of men are misogynistic and can definitely be sexually attracted and objectify women but have difficulty valuing them in society otherwise. Also to relate, I’m a 24F virgin woman and I find myself more wanting an emotional connection with a man then wanting to get physical with them probably because subconsciously I have higher expectations for a man. it’s diff for men and women definitely but I think virginity is a key point here. I think it’s good to have self control and a standard for yourself, some men will literally take anything they can get. Also your beliefs are a big thing here too.
On the contrary I find every and any man my age attractive (19F)
Maybe you need more than just how they look. I need an emotional connection with someone before I feel very attracted to them
Attractiveness is on a Bell Curve like most things. Most women will fall between a 3 and a 7. As you go from a 7 to 8 and above the number of women drastically decreases. If you only find 8+ attractive and you are not at the same level you will be lonely. Hang out with more women and you will find more things about them that make them more attractive TO YOU. Your attraction to some of them will build. That or start making more, build your career, work on yourself and they will come to you.
I don’t think it’s typical but it’s certainly not abnormal for people to only be attracted to a small section of the population.
I think it might be worth a closer look if you find that no one of the few people you’re attracted to feels the same ever but if it’s not been much of an issue for you I don’t think you need to make it one because you don’t seem to fall in with the majority.
1. Check your hormones 2. You may be on the asexual spectrum 3. Or you may just need a connection with someone. I am not asexual, but I only find men REALLY attractive when I get to know them. Sure, I can find them attractive but it doesn’t get me turned on, if that makes sense.
it is normal, and actually, you are better off this way, because it means you have high standard, which is OK, better than no standard at all.
i am not a man, but i am a lesbian, and i think i understand how you feel.
first of all, you don’t need to fix anything or “try harder” or whatever. if you are not interested in dating, then don’t force it. society kind of pushes romantic success a lot and it can feel like you’re doing something wrong if you don’t feel that way or prioritize it (it’s called amatonormativity). i know men can feel pressured to “pick up” women constantly, but that can be exhausting and expensive and it can make you feel like a slab of meat. it’s not for everyone and we should stop making it seem like it is.
i definitely agree with the people saying you might be on the asexual and/or aromantic spectrum. i’ve recently been exploring that myself, seeing if it’s right for me. the people asking you if you have mommy issues, are shooting out of your league, or have low testosterone are unfortunately playing into that societal standard that *you are a failure if you don’t have a girlfriend/boyfriend/etc.* and that’s just not true.
we don’t have to fit the status quo. do what truly makes you happy. you are still capable of making lifelong friends, and that can be just as emotionally fulfilling as a romantic relationship.
I understand, I have it the same way. Out of 100 women, I would swipe right on like 3 of them. I also have a “crush” like once every three years and that’s where I go for it only to end up rejected. And it’s not about their looks or anything like that, I just know what I’m looking for and very few women have the personality/hobbies to match that. I lowered my standards once and got into a relationship, but I had to end it eventually because she was just not my cup of tea.
Basically are other guys extremely picky? You fucking bet. I can acknowledge when a woman is objectively an attractive person, but for *me to be attracted to them* the bar is so so much higher.
Happy to say the woman i’m seeing now could not be more my type both physically and in who she is as a person.
Be patient. Don’t settle. And like getting into med school, *all it takes is one*.
In regards to your two crushes… evaluate what made you drawn to them. Perhaps it was the way they looked, and if that is an unrealistically high standard it may be something you need to assess. However, if it was something else (their personality, intelligence, etc) you may be a sapiophile (someone attracted to someone who is in someway intelligent, typically more so than average) or maybe you are demisexual, meaning you can only be attracted to someone after you get to know them. That could explain the tinder/messaging incident.
Anyways, I’m going to scroll through the comments because I’m curious to see what others think.
Edit: after a quick glimpse at your post history, it could be because you’re a narcissist.
The worlds fastest test is if your first thought was
1. Definitely could not be me.
– you should look into it
If your first thought was
1. Oh my god, maybe I am
– you’re probably fine
Edit on top of that edit:
No shame in being a narcissist. It’s a mental health condition. If it goes untreated it can be awful, but if caught it doesn’t have to be detrimental. I didn’t mean that comment in a snarky way, just analytical.
The 2 girls that you had crushes on, describe them for me, please.
Nah there’s nothing wrong with that. You might just have high standards and that’s okay too. If anything having high standards means that you’ll find a woman who treats you really well. Just keep your eyes open for anyone you might like and shoot your shot.
I am exactly the same, and seriously expected more people in the comments to relate. One thing I’d say that might help is that attraction can sometimes be built by factors other than physical appearance. Other than that, we just have to keep shooting our shot with people we do find attractive. Be glad we at least have the confidence to do that 😛
Because I’m mostly similar this seems normal to me tbh, no harm in not drooling at every chick you see. And if I may? Would you rephrase “lose interest quickly” , because the way I see it, It has something to do with principles and ideals, something I hold in high regard as well, particular behaviours,mannerisms and outlooks are a no no to me, I immediately lose interest due to the change in perception. Feel free to correct me if this isn’t the case, regardless, This is completely okay.
This comment section is s nightmare lol. This guy just has standards and everyone is quick to diagnose him as gay/asexual/autistic/whatever…
I have the same issue. I know I like women. I know I don’t like men. But, I’ve only liked maybe 2 women in the last 3 years enough to want to date them. I think I’m just somewhat aromatic. Possibly, I have to get to know the woman more before I can actually like them.
It’s very strange, but back when I thought I liked men, it was the same way. Although I was more “forced” to like men, so I’d just randomly pick one to like. I’ve also dated a guy before. That’s when I realized I’m asexual.
I can’t even describe how the difference between liking women and liking a woman enough to date her feels like. I know there’s a difference, but only I can feel it. Often times I have to ask myself “would I cuddle her?” “Would I kiss her?” Etc just to figure out my feelings. Often times the answer is no. It’s just kinda tedious to navigate honestly
It also factors your achievements and hobbies I think. This is where you create some barred high self standard and as for hobbies it is being prioritized.
I can only find a woman attractive in relationship material sense if I know her well before hand that’s one of the reasons why I stopped using dating apps.
Welcome to the club.
I find that human behavior follows a bell curve. Yes, most males find women attractive. Yes, some males do not find women to attractive.
The key word is “normal”. It is normal for you not to find women attractive. If would not be “normal” for me not to find women attractive.
It’s called preferences. It’s actually a good thing. Most people honestly are just dating and getting into relationships because of social conditioning. Being with someone for the sake of being with someone.
You shouldn’t focus on dating, since that doesn’t seem to be a priority for you. Focus on yourself and you might find someone worthwhile along the way. (This is friendly version for; get off the apps, social media etc.).
There is nothing wrong with you.
I feel ya. Dating is tough. I get easily exhausted by other people. I’ve started concentrating on myself and keeping my fingers crossed that I’ll stumble into someone that matches my vibe. My issue is that I’m an introverted musician that makes a living performing in bars and small clubs. Women that find me attractive assume I’m the kind of guy who wants to stay out late and party. In reality I don’t really drink and hate crowds. SO until I meet someone that understands I’m a homebody that hates spontaneous singing and loud people I’ll keep working on my personal progress. 🤷♂️
Don’t let people trick you into thinking there’s something wrong with you. Many people just aren’t that attracted to everyone they meet. Doesn’t mean they’re asexual.
It could just you’ve got a secure attachment style and personal confidence so you don’t latch onto people easily. Don’t be ashamed of it
Yes. I don’t find every woman I see attractive. I’m pretty picky.
Do you watch a lot of porn?
Normal, indeed. Not all women are physically attractive. This comment section is a mess, and I’m sorry people are insulting your sexuality.
Lmao at this thread
OP
>I feel like I’m not attracted to most women
Top comments
>you must be a gay asexual porn addict with low T
It’s not unreasonable for a man to have high standards. Imagine if one of your standards was being thin or athletic. Right off the bat that winnows half or more of the population from your dating pool. Add in a few more criteria that are important in forming your attraction and suddenly the women you’re genuinely attracted to become rare.
Implying OP is defective for not wanting to fuck everything with a vagina plays into some really unfair stereotypes about men and masculinity.
Do you consider yourself to be a supreme gentlemen and women ignore even though you are a great catch?
Its not only normal…. Its important.
The problem? Most men are so desperate, they will think even the most hideous woman is a 10/10
I understand having preferences. I only date chubby, baby-faced white boys and all my boyfriends have looked exactly the same 🙈
I have the same problem of being unattracted to majority of the female population (I think it’s normal?) but I still have female friends as I do with male friends despite not putting anyone on a pedestal because I have no agenda behind my friendship for both genders (or any other gender for that matter).
It’s god to have preference, but don’t shut out potential friendships with the gender you’re attracted to because you don’t feel sexual or romantic attraction.
Tbh man. That’s a gift. I think a lot of men can over sexualize women and that’s where it gains power over you. If you aren’t sad and lonely without a woman. Tbh. I’m jealous. You are ahead of the game. Nothing can stop you if you don’t need that. Let it naturally happen when it naturally happens.