Hi im pretty new to relationships and recently i have just broken up with my ex gf, i was not able to accept her past thus resulting in a breakup, she had cheated before, and has q a number of exes for her age she is 19 and has had 7 exes. After i broke up with her i told her that she and i had to work on ourselves. She asked for another chance and i said i could only promise to try dating in the future. I have actually purchases zachary stockhill’s course on : the path to peace to help me find out whether i have irrational retroactive jealousy or im just with the wrong person. He had mentioned that it wouldnt work if our values are different, i generally feel that having that many partners that young is very off putting but is he referring to values that we both have now? Or values that we had before we met each other.
6 comments
Is the issue 7 ex’s or is it seven previous sexual partners that bothers you most?
So if she started dating at 16 she had 1 partner every 6 months or so not a big deal IMO.
As for if their past is a deal breaker that’s up to you.
While no one can tell you what your deal breakers are, her number is a non-issue. The only potential issue is the fact that she’s cheated before. If that means on you, then that’s the end of it. Your focus on a number is absurd.
Her past means absolutely nothing to her present life. Just because she dated 7 people doesn’t mean very much besides she is trying to find the right person. You having an issue about her is a you thing and not her fault. The only issue you should have is if she is being faithful to you now or not. Being 19 is the time to figure out what a person wants in their life and that includes what type of person they want to date.
I would advise you not to marry her or get her pregnant….there are studies that have been done on women with multiple partners, it’s not good.
A 2013 study: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201304/the-long-term-psychological-effects-multiple-sex-partners
Excerpt: For both men and women, taking into account prior psychological disorders, the odds of developing substance dependence increased virtually linearly with the number of sex partners. The relationship was particularly pronounced, however, for women. People having a higher number of sex partners did not have higher rates of anxiety or depression; the mental health associations were limited to substance use.
You might be wondering how multiple is “multiple” in the sex partner equation. The sample distribution led the researchers to divide the number of partners into three groups on a yearly basis: 0 or 1, 1.1-2.5, and 2.6 or over. However, some participants reported more than 10 in a given year.
The authors acknowledge that, even though they ruled out the effects of prior substance use on the number of sex partners, the possibility remains that people living a risky lifestyle have a higher number of sex partners and, later on, develop mental health problems. It’s also possible that people who are having sex with multiple partners are in situations where alcohol and drugs are around, and therefore, will be the ones to develop substance dependence over time.