So I (31F) have been married to my husband (33M) for about 2 years now. We always knew we were going to have shared finances but didn’t actually do it until about a year ago when I was pregnant with our baby (1st and only at the moment). When we combined bank accounts I decided to take over on the financials because I’m good at math (and frankly love doing it) and I also already knew he had a bit of a spending problem. I had HOPED that when we had our girl and also combined our finances it would help him stop being such a bad spender but it feels like he’s gotten worse.
Now I feel like I have 0 trust with him because of all the spending and I’m not sure what else I can do to remedy the situation. We seriously cannot afford the rate in which he is spending. I have tried so many things too – I’ve tried taking control of the situation and taking away his credit cards, I’ve tried pleading with him, I’ve tried being nice about finding out the truth, I’ve even tried giving in to the spending and even doing some irresponsible spending myself (to help with the resentment) and letting him see the natural consequences of these actions (which I had really hoped would work but ended up just putting us in even more of a tight spot) Now I just found out he spent 900 dollars in literally two days (buying two things he seriously doesn’t even know why he bought??) and I’m at a loss. I have no idea what else I can do. I told him he needs therapy – he’s finally open to maybe going the only problem is we fucking can’t afford it…. So what the heck can we do? Does anyone have any experience dealing with this? I love him deeply but this is stressing me out so much because we have a daughter now so his actions can have an impact on her and her quality of life.
4 comments
What is he buying?
Ahhh, so normally I wouldn’t suggest this, but it maybe worth separating. . . Finances right now. He doesn’t sound like he is financially mature or responsible enough for combined finances.
How did you all handle the bills before you all combined Finances?
Fwiw, this was one of the many reasons why I left my pos ex. She could not handle/deal with finances at ALL. Financially she was a disaster.
So maybe he needs to find happiness not in material objects, but humans. Let me guess. He’s introverted kind of?
Well, maybe he can volunteer places or do simple repairs around the house or take on another job? Idk, but yeah, He’s got to find a way to get happiness in other areas.
I’m guilty of this myself. It’s an addiction, and he needs to face it honestly. It ruins lives, and I don’t blame you for losing trust. He needs to prove himself – does he even care that he’s doing this???