Unable to orgasm through sex, but can reach it through masturbation

(moble user, apologizes for formatting errors)
Hi reddit,

I (22f) have never had an orgasm with a partner. During my first time, I felt pressured about 20 minutes into receiving pleasure so I faked it. This became a habit throughout most of my relationships until now. I have been with men and women, and received most stimulus imaginable from them, and nothing. I enjoy it and I desire it but I’ve never been able to finish.

My current partner (24m) is the first person I’ve been honest with about this, and they tried several different things at the beginning of our relationship (verbal encouragement, exploring different kinks, just straight up going at for a long time) and nothing worked, though I did appreciate the effort as I’d never given anyone a chance to even try. Now, they’ve become a bit discouraged and no longer really try as hard. I understand completely but it leads to me feeling low or neglected after sex sometimes because I can’t orgasm, so why bother trying? Once they’re done, we’re done. It’s something we can poke fun at but it’s a genuinely upsetting topic for both of us when we really delve into it. They feel inadequate for me sexually, no matter how much I reassure them that it’s not a them problem, it’s something going on with me.

I’ve always been able to get myself off. Strictly through outer stimulation, I don’t need any penetration and I don’t use toys.

I’m also on birth control and have been ever since before I became sexually active, if this is relevant. I am planning to get off of it soon as my partner wants to get a vasectomy.

Has anyone else experienced this? Has anyone overcome it? I’m interested to hear personal experiences and discuss.