What does it feel like when you realize society expects you to financially support a family?

33 comments

  1. To clarify, what thoughts went through your head when you realized that you were “supposed” to be a provider? How old were you and how did you handle the pressure?

  3. I’m an odd case in that I realized the financial responsibility of being a caregiver and how that’s baked into society a long while after I decided that I was not going to have a family, so it’s more consternation at the system that is currently making meaningful employment extremely hard to achieve. Although at least in my head I assume a default of both parents having to get an income to make things work nowadays, which may factor into your question.

  6. Just accepted my fate/role, because if i won’t no one will and that’s not something i can allow.

  7. I must be missing something because i’m 40 and i have never felt there was any expectation for a man to be the sole breadwinner. That kind of thinking is what you’d see from media decades ago. My parents both worked, so do all my relatives and their spouses. Virtually every family I know is dual income. I personally know under a handful of couples where the wife stays at home.

  9. My thoughts growing up were that it was inevitable that I’d get a “good” job and that wouldn’t be an issue. My thoughts once I grew up were that I was a late bloomer, mainly due to alcoholism, but that once I sobered up I would be there. Now I’m sober making $60k a year and the most reasonable monthly payment for rent for me has me in a pretty mid tier 1br apartment. I simply could not support a non-working partner and child as well. I mean if I *had* to I would try to make it work, but it definitely wouldn’t be the type of upbringing I imagined I would be able to provide at 30yo.

  15. I never thought anyone but me and my wife were responsible for supporting our family. Who else should do it? I’ve never felt any pressure from society, whatever that is, for anything.

  16. I’ve always felt an expectation to have a family. Since childhood and even to today (age 27) I’m regularly asked by relatives if I’m dating someone or going to have kids. It’s always been there and initially I expected that of me too and it’s caused a lot of pressure. “When will I find someone?” “When do I start having that life?”

    When I let go of those expectations, I found myself to be happier. I now have no intention of supporting a family. I have me and my dog and he’s my baby. If I find a partner great, but hey my job pays the bills and that’s all I need right now.

  17. Similar to when I realized that society expects me to believe in God and sacrifice myself for others; it’s a good thing that I try to learn what’s true and good for myself to live from reason, not society.

    And if I do have kids, if me and the wife need her to take some time off it will be because it makes sense. But maybe it will make sense for me to take time off as well.

  18. That was just the norm when I was growing up. Dad works full time, mum might get a part time job once the kids are in school.

  19. Thankful that as a gay guy… I’ll never have to deal with it.

    Things tend to be much more equal in that respect.

  21. That’s the whole point of being a man manly man, despite all the feminist rhetoric.

  22. Not having kids, and strong likelihood a relationship I’m in will be only dudes. So society can deal lol. Don’t buy into things just cause it’s expected

  23. Not much different to knowing that society expects you to pay pensions, health care, government staff, government debt and politicians through taxes.

    It’s a performance burden.

  24. Considering society can tell my gf to dump me on the streets out of the apt I bought and signed for because I’m the guy, it can eat a bag of dicks. I do what I want.

  25. Maybe everyone here has different opinions, but I dont even need to be expected from society, I already expect myself to do so regardless. Before I got married I was already taking care of my parents and siblings, they didn’t expect anything from me but I do it because I want to, because they are my family, I’ll do anything for family.

  26. It kinda sucks, I have a toddler and one more on the way, I liked my first job, I love my current job but if I’m to take care of my wife and kids it means I have to uproot and job-hop again to get a better salary even though I’m happy with my current job.

  27. I grew up poor and had a rough family life as a kid and at probably 16 years old I decided I didn’t want to have kids. I’m 23 now and I mostly ignore societal expectations.

  29. Looks like I got some dirt on my shoulder (brush that shit off) lol but in all serious yea… NO?

    Society better start appreciating men more if this is what they expect of the male gender especially in Media. I have never wanted a family and one of the big reasons was this. I am supposed to lead and provide for the family until the day I basically die or god forbid become too injured to do so but a long the way what do I get for it and how am I going to be treated for embracing discipline to this?

    I have seen too many families where the man is just going into work day in and day out and while he may not always be treated poorly hes rarely given any accolades or even the recognition of his efforts on their lives. I decided then and there its not for me. Yes I will miss out on a lot of experiences I could never have else wise… but what is life other then a series of choices and consequences?

  30. It’s maddening. I spent my life ignoring my own needs, can’t date. No personal life, carved a life out for myself and I’m doing alright. It took 10 years, the idea that someone might want me to throw away my future to support a family bothers me.

    I know these choices are often made with consent of both parties, but I make my stance clear when I try to date. No kids, never, will not happen. I want to live a happy life and enjoy what I never could have when I was a kid.

    Nobody ever listens, they think I’m going to change. Such a waste for everyone involved.

    Putting my penis in you won’t magically make me decide that a kid is fine. Get real.

  31. It’s not society that expects that.

    It’s a choice. A sacrifice made voluntarily. To choose to work for the sunrise we will never get to see.

  32. Who is this ‘Society’ at whose feet Redditors lay all their troubles? I’ve never met him and he’s certainly never told me he expects anything of me.

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