I’m 26F, didn’t really start being sexually active since July. I’ve had different partners since then (one night stands, flings)- I’ve since started dating someone, we’re at 2 months. My vaginal muslces/pelvic floor muscles clamp down only when someone else fingers me or attempts penetration making a PAINFUL experience and I just tell them to stop. It led to one guy dumping me, and I really hope my current boyfriend doesn’t end things because we haven’t had PIV sex yet.
I thought it was vaginismus but reading through the subreddit makes me realize I don’t have it- I bought a dilator kit and I’m already at the second to last dilator within a few weeks. But the practice I do is not translating to the bedroom.
Fwiw, I do have pretty severe anxiety and am starting therapy. I haven’t really incorporated mindfulness or yoga yet, but I tried some of those pelvic floor stretches on youtube. Also, I’m South Asian and a lot of what I’ve been thought is shame around sex, no sex before marriage, so I think my body might be subconsciously reacting to that.
Do I have performance anxiety? Why do my pelvic muscles clamp down every time he fingers me? And why is it so painful when he fingers me but when I use a small dildo or my own fingers it’s not? Is there any hope for me? Or is the universe telling me to be a virgin forever :(?