Long story short, I got in trouble over Thanksgiving weekend because I was supposed to be at my dad’s house, but I only stayed for a few hours and went out with friends at night. I lied to my mom about it, but she found out, and she hit me. I ran away after that to a friend’s house. Stayed there from Monday to Wednesday, but his mom kicked me out because we started hooking up and she caught us (just us sleeping in the same bed actually but yeah that was my fault I know… All of this is.)
Today, I am staying at another friend’s house as a “sleepover” but I know I can’t keep doing this. I don’t know if I really want to go back home to my mom’s place though. She has been texting and calling me, apologizing, and telling me she wants me back home. I don’t know. I have the option of staying at my dad’s house, but my dad and mom absolutely hate each other. If my dad asks why and what happened, he will absolutely lose his shit. Then my mom will hate me. And I’ll have to move to my dad’s house, which is in a different school district. All that.
Is it worth telling him the truth and causing all that drama? Or just suck it up and go back home to my mom? I don’t hate my mom either. I was just mad. I’m still kind of mad too I guess.
Tl;Dr: I got into a fight with my mom, ran away, stayed at a friend’s house, but now I know I need to either go back home or maybe tell my dad and stay there. But my parents hate each other and if my dad finds out what happened, he’ll demand I stay at his house which means I’ll have to change schools. I don’t know what I want all to happen. I forgive my mom and all, but I need to make a decision soon. Please help, any advice is appreciated, thank you.
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Hitting is not ok. It’s likely your mom regrets it. Go talk to your mom to talk all of this out and how you want to proceed. If you don’t like how the conversation with your mom goes then get your dad involved.
Your mom has a history of abuse and will continue to escalate if you continue to live at her house. I know it sucks that you’ll have to switch school districts, but it is 100% worth it. You have to run now while you can.
Well go back to mom, it isn’t safe for you to couch surf like this though, make sure that she understands that hitting you is no longer an option, it wouldn’t do good to straight up threaten her that if she hits you again you’ll tell your dad but rather allude to the possibility. Also just don’t lie to your parents about going out. It isn’t safe either, and if they complain play them against each other, just like with the threat to getting hit.
Honestly, it’s not worth staying with your mom. It sounds like she didn’t just give you a one-off smack, but rather beat you and was punching you while you’re on the ground, and you know it only takes one awkwardly-landed hit to blind you in one eye or you fall on something and get a brain injury or something. It’s just not worth it. Switching schools will be a pain, but high school will be over in a couple years anyway and you’ll be better off to have had a more stable living environment in the meantime.
Go live with your dad. Your mom is abusive. The trauma you’re experiencing now can make relationships difficult for you as you get older. BUT if you get to a safe home now and start seeing a counselor to help you process all this abuse, you can heal and have a happy life full of healthy loving relationships. Do you live in the US? Tell a teacher or your guidance counsellor about your situation. They can get you access to counseling, arrange for you to stay at your current school, and get you the extra love and support you deserve from your teachers. I taught high school for years and any time a kid told me about trouble at home, I made sure I was there for them and supported them. However, the teacher will have to report the abuse. That will mean child protective services will get involved. They will NOT tell your mom who reported the abuse and your teachers won’t either. I have called child protective services for abuse multiple times and the parents never knew it was me. I’ve seen how social workers help get families what they need to stop the abuse (counselling, etc) and/or make sure the kid has a safe home (your dad’s). They also prioritize keeping you in the same school.
Kids tend to downplay their trauma and assume it’s normal. They just try and deal with it all on their own. You don’t have to! Abuse is not normal.
Please let us know how things turn out. I’ll be hoping for the best for you. You deserve it!
I raised my 3 kids (2 daughters 1 son) single mom and let me tell you; I would never EVER hit my child much less hit them repeatedly for ANYTHING. What is she thinking-she’s in a hood fight or something? You’re her daughter ffs my youngest daughter is 24 now and when I think back to her being 16 the worst thing she ever did was maybe a little back talk but we do that joking all the time so…listen to some free advice from this mom here okay? You are a person not an object. The putting hands on you from your mom is not right. If you think your mom will actually listen to you if you talk to her about how it is then maybe try. I think if you tell your dad that might be something that can’t be mended later seeing how they don’t get along. BUT you are almost an adult but you’re not yet so remember actions have consequences.
There’s a reason why if you tell the truth you would be put in your dad’s custody- and it’s not because your parents hate eachother, or to punish your mom- it’s because your mom is a serious danger to your personal safety.
Re-read that. You are physically in danger living with you le mom.
You want to « protect » her from your dad hating her more, and you want to protect your relationship with her so she doesn’t hate you… but you are protecting the wrong things. You need to protect yourself and your physical safety. That needs to be your priority.
Is your dads a safe place for you? If so, that would be a good choice.
I second the McKinney Vento solution. Talk to your counselor at school. Tell them what happened, and you may be able to stay with your dad, go to the same school, AND your district will still have to bus you home.
How far is your dad’s house from your school? They may let you stay enrolled, if you can still commute there somehow.
Prioritize your safety and mental health. Move to your dad’s and get away from your mom’s abuse.
*If my dad asks why and what happened, he will absolutely lose his shit.*
Sounds like a good dad who actually cares. I strongly encourage you to tell him what happened, he needs to know the truth so he can protect you. If he doesn’t know, he can’t help.
*Then my mom will hate me.*
Please don’t worry about that. I know it’s hard and scary, and you love her, but your mom’s emotions should never be your burden. The only person she needs to hate is the person in the mirror.
Go live with your dad and let him deal with the rest.