really evaluating my life choices and checking myself into therapy and getting help already for this do not worry
So I 27 F had a guy over for a casual hook up. Talked online met up at a bar brought him home. Had great sex. I told him he could throw the condom over there in the trash can. He poins to the a used one lying next to my bed and says “and looks like you missed that one” i was so embarassed. For some context I had a guy earlier that same week who I was really into. Dude threw the condom just out didnt even tell me where he threw it (not a big deal since he didnt cum in it) I searched the whole area and didnt find it. Just my luck the next guy spotted it. And to top it off I was really upset over the first guy because he ghosted me the next day so I went on a bender and tried to pick up another guy to get over him. I explained all this to that guy he just laughed and said dont worry I am a really chill guy. But to makes matter worse I did not want to cuddle after sex and told him he couldnt sleep over because my bed was a single mattress because I just recently got a new bed. Also to be hundred percent honest post nut clarity I realized he was really not my type and this may have something to do with one night stand number one being a professional model and him being an average guy with a dad bod and not as well endowed as the previous guy. So on top of used condom I also threw him out after sex. And did not bother texting him the next day. I wont make excuses but I have just gotten out of a 6 month relationship 3 months ago and really loved my ex and I took that hard. So I turned trashy to cope. I realize I am not a person I would want to date right now, And I need to work on myself. Also this is grade A fuck boy behaviour I expect from a 21 year old tinder dude. So I am really having a midlife crisis here and gonna have a serious talk with my therapist and support system.
8 comments
It’s good that you’re going to therapy. I am all for casual sex in the right circumstances, but you are not having this sex because you really want to. You are trying to forget about your ex. What you did is not good for you. It is trashy behavior, IMO. I have had a lot of heartbreak myself but this is not the right way to get past it.
I can relate from when I was younger….face value reading this if you were like me, you have an intimacy issue and look for validation from others, yet won’t let it go any further once you’ve met your needs.
I was a one night stand guy when I was younger. I needed to feel wanted, yet completely rejected them once I got what I needed.
Not to be a therapist- but something tells me that you were damaged from something when you were younger. I was from my Mother and I didn’t trust women until I was in my 40’s.
Hopefully this is not taken with judgement or offence, I was the same when I was your age.
The second guy sounds like he could be a decent friend.
Hi how are you?
It’s good that your recognize this behaviour as a destructive coping mechanism and you’re going to therapy. The second guy sounds pretty cool tbh, but I know it doesn’t count for much if he hasn’t got a nice body a big dick. Still, I’m sure he was happy to be there and he treated you well considering. Could have been a lot worse.
The term trashy behavior implies that you are trash. You are not, sweetie. You are fine. There is nothing wrong with casual sex or rebounding. But you are not actually enjoying, which is also fine, not everyone enjoys casual, and there’s nothing wrong with that. So just learn from what’s already happened and moving forward, be more discerning. And stop thinking of yourself as trashy.
It depends on whether you set the right expectations from the start. If it was clear this was a casual hookup with no strings attached, then he knew what he was getting into and getting kicked out afterwards isn’t the worst thing in the world. If you implied this was a dating thing then, yeah, ghosting is kinda rude.
Trashy, narcissistic behavior at its best. Using someone, then insulting them.