So I (f26) have been with my bf (m37) for 2 years.

Over the past couple months I realised my bf doesnt kiss me during sex if ive just given him head (i dont think i noticed it before maybe because he used to avoid my face or something so i didnt think anything of it). It hit me when i went down on him and then we were having sex and he just moved his face away when i tried to kiss him or put my face near his. I was a bit confused and asked him afterwards why doesnt he want me to kiss him after head and he said ‘just because’ then i said why and is it because he thinks hes dirty down there cus thats the only reason you wouldnt, and he just sort of did an obnoxious laugh and was like ‘thats such a western thing to do, i dont need to be like that’ (we’re south asian) and then he changed the subject.

– would like to mention he doesnt cum in my mouth just before i go to kiss him, the blowjob is for foreplay only for before sex

I did have this happen once before but that was with a fling I briefly dated for a few weeks so i didnt care. It seems very strange to me when a man doesnt want to, and ive read that some men have said ‘its gay’ or whatever, like it isnt their own ? I love kissing after he gives me head so it doesnt make sense to me.
Plus its really weird for me to not kiss during sex, i find it so intimate and when we dont kiss its like im just with a stranger.

Also as a man who is hitting near 40, i wouldn’t expect that kind of mentality, as the guy i dated previously was like early 20s so i assumed he was just immature. I guess immaturity isnt an age thing.

But also, when we have sex or before, i feel like im having to teach him what to do. He noticed i was feeling down after sex and asked me and i told him he cant just put it in like that (with no foreplay), and i feel like ive had to continue repeating it. He uses his fingers too rough sometimes and i say go slow & then next time or the time after he’d forget and do it badly again, same with during missionary he’ll just slam it in like that would feel good at all, its just no stimulation at all.

Unfortunately I know that he thinks he is really good at it or knows everything, as he thinks that with most things we discuss (had a feeling its down to him thinking cus hes older he has more experience and therefore smarter, words he has said to me before).

I really have strong feelings for him, but it seems like sex and sexual acts are becoming an issue for him. I never thought id have to teach a grown ass man what to do (when hes had partners before). Dont think id want to end my relationship over this but it is difficult, as sex is important to me (when its for my pleasure too and not just his as I’ve mentioned before to him).

Any advice on how to bring it up or what to do, currently at a loss again.

TL;DR – my bf is near 40 yrs of age and wont kiss me during sex after i give him head and i have to teach him to not just jab it in me without foreplay (he is not inexperienced just perhaps deluded). Need advice on better sex because it’s frustrating.

13 comments

  1. He sounds severely immature. Even if you had advice on how to have better sex, it’s still a conversation to have with him…would he even be open to listening and learning?

  2. Does he cum in your mouth? That would by my hang up. But if not, then I don’t know. I have always made a point of kissing my wife after getting head.

  4. This is a sucky situation. He sounds a bit self-absorbed and completely unknowledgeable with regards to sexuality, even uncomfortable with his own body. Because he is so obnoxious I don’t think there’s anything you can do to change this, unfortunately. If I were you, and you’re not that invested, I would cut my losses and end it. I know that might sound crass, but I’m in a long-term marriage with a man who didn’t have any sexual experience before me so sex was technically similar to what you’re describing and I’m still paying the price of a bad sexual relationship 25 years later. Move on while you can.

  5. >as a man who is hitting near 40, i wouldn’t expect that kind of mentality

    I have bad news for you…

    No, seriously, when it comes to sex, people can get stuck in certain beliefs early on and over time, they can calcify. In your BF’s case, I assume it’s some latent homophobia, i.e. “I don’t want to touch lips that have touched a penis because that sounds gay.”

    > how to bring it up

    You say “I want to be able to kiss you after going down on you.”

    If he says “yeah, no thanks” then the question for you becomes “do I want to stay with someone who won’t kiss me after I blow them?”

    All you can do is express what you want. It’s up to them to decide what they’re willing to do and then it’s up to you to decide if it’s enough.

    But if he’s *really* against kissing you under these circumstances? That’s his right. And it’s your right to make decisions based on that knowledge.

    (FWIW: if he’s sticking to his guns on this one, I’d drop his ass)

  6. Everyone is different but this isn’t how most guys are. Personally I expect a kiss after I’ve given a blowjob, whether he came in my mouth, on my face, or if it was just foreplay.

  7. I don’t like receiving kisses after he’s done oral, he says he likes the taste but I don’t like it so it’s a no from me. I try not to kiss him when I’ve done head, unless he goes in for the kiss.

  11. It’s just a hang up, I kiss my wife after she gives me head as a “thank you ” but she doesn’t like kissing me when I eat her pussy 🤷‍♂️

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