TLDR: boyfriend keeps tabs on me and tells me who I can and can’t be friends with.
My (F22) and my boyfriend (M27) have been dating for a little over a year. We met online while he was in the military but he’s originally from a town an hour from me. Last January his contract was up so he moved back. In the beginning it was great, we went on dates and outings together and tried to spend as much time as we could together. He met some of my friends (I’ve never met his) and “didn’t like them” and I sort of distanced myself from them. He also goes through my phone, from texts with my mom to my photos, everything. But he denies it and if I go through his phone he becomes upset.
A couple months ago I quit my job. Since I’m home all day, he constantly calls me to see what I’m doing and gets offended if I’m busy or if I say I’m driving and can’t talk. (We also have each other’s locations)
About a month ago I decided to take up streaming on Twitch and he was supportive in the beginning, even helped me get a proper set up. Not even a week into it, he was already upset over some of the people I had become friends with through Twitch & Twitter. I blocked them after a lengthy argument where he asked if I “even wanted to be with him anymore” and he accused me of “seeking attention from other guys”.
Even when I’m with family (and he knows this) he’s constantly calling me, asking where I am, what I’m doing. Saying that he “knows” I’m on my phone so I should respond instantly. Everything was fine until this past weekend, he was over at my house. I was sitting at my desk trying to go through clips and he made a comment about how Twitch is more important than him and he’ll just go home. I instantly got off the computer and asked him what he wanted to do (he complains about not doing anything during the weekends). He continued accusing of me of caring more about streaming than him so I left my own house and went for a drive, leaving my phone behind. When I came back I told him I didn’t appreciate how he speaks to me and that streaming isn’t more important than him. I include him in everything I do on Twitch, play games with him, sit in a discord with him while we play different games. But god forbid I want to play with my friends and they ask me to join their discord. Its an exhausting back and forth with him and I try to do everything I can to reassure him, including telling him he’s right and apologizing for arguments that I never started. Not only does he call me 24/7 & have my location, he’s told me he has people watch what I’m doing online and they “tell him” what I’m doing, who’s stream I’m watching. He goes through my Twitter replies and asks who everyone is and my discord, but if I go through his things I “don’t trust him” and am being “disrespectful”. I’m starting a new job soon and I don’t know what to do or say to him anymore for him to stop doing the things he’s doing. What do I tell him? What do I do?
14 comments
Hell yes he is controlling!! My gosh! You are 22. Leave his ass!!!
I seriously worry for your safety. Your location should never be tracked in a healthy relationship. You are allowed to have friend outside of the relationship and in no way is having people “watch” you okay. Fast forward 8 years to when you are thirty. Will you still want to be tracked like a child?
Fuck this guy and dump his ass.
He is controlling.
You stop worrying about his feelings, and you start worrying about your safety.
You cut off his access to all your devices and personal information.
You break up with him.
You tell him to not contact you.
You get the cops involved if he doesn’t respect that.
Yup he’s controlling
Full stop, this is extremely controlling and isolating behavior. Get out now.
I dont even have to read it. If you are questioning it, then yes he is. If your feelings are that he is being controlling, then yes he is.
“Here is a list of crazy controlling things that no reasonable person would do. Is it controlling?”
Obviously yes. The people on this sub sometimes, jesus.
Abusively controlling with very obvious double standards. Run! Nothing to save, here.
Your TLDR: boyfriend keeps tabs on me and tells me who I can and can’t be friends with.
My tl/dr: Leave his ass now. Get help to do it.
Get out and find someone closer in age
The fact he requires a phone tracker is bad enough. I actually am firmly againest looking through phones or social media accounts. It a breach of trust and somethings you don’t need to share. Others confided in you with a secret means it remains a secret. I also find snooping is a instant red flag of someone not trusting you. If there no trust there no future. The behavior is common with a abuser he trying to isolate you so he can mold your behavior to his liking. If you got no one it easy to keep you trapped.
Yes. This is controlling. And it’s also dangerous.
Do you want him to keep isolating you from other people?
Do you want to live with a man who makes you feel the way you feel right now?
I’m surprised you feel safe coming on here tbh.
You need to start developing a plan to break up with this man safely. He is controlling and emotionally abusive. He will not react well when you break up with him. Do not let him find evidence that you are planning to break up with him. He will likely escalate his behavior after the break up. Keep documentation of everything he does, just in case you need to get a restraining order. This is very, very, very bad. Get out ASAP.
Get out, but get out with help. This man is controlling & scary.
Yes, controlling and immature. He is making everything about him – if you are online, it’s about HIM and you’re choosing something over HIM. Next time you should tell him that you’re choosing yourself and your autonomy and freedom over him.