Okay let’s start with a little background information. I’m 25, single, physically fit, dress nicely, and am relatively confident but very introverted.
I thoroughly enjoy going to the strip club in my city because the most difficult part for me at bars is the initiation of conversation with girls I find attractive. At strip clubs, im able to skip that step.
This particular club im referring to i have been to 3 times, I think I’ve been to strip clubs in general about 5 times in my life.
I have had great experiences so far but this time was different, I usually will sit down on main floor and find a girl I think is attractive and my type. This particular night the girl seeked me out very quickly, it was a wednesday so it wasn’t too busy. I immediately thought she was gorgeous when she came up. We had the usual conversation, small talk, where are you from what do you do etc.
She sat on my lap and chatted for about 45 minutes without asking for any money at all. Our conversation was flowing beautifully and we started to enjoy each others company.
I offered to get a private room because I was enjoying myself and wanted to explore this more. Once we got to the back room, things got hot and heavy of course, but very quickly we went back to engaged conversation. She and I talked about almost everything. She told me all about her family, her siblings, where she grew up, what lead her to her current path, spirituality, what she looks for in men, and basically anything else you can think of.
Now I understand this whole time she was making money speaking to me, but this experience felt different, she kissed me for a long time, she kept making intense eye contact and telling me how much she “actually” liked me.
At first I brushed it off, obviously I was getting played and she was grooming me. Then she started talking about manifestation.
Let me begin by saying this girl was my perfect type, her values, personality, energy, spirituality, physical appearance, just about everything right down to the way she laughed was just so beautiful.
She said that she sat in her car today before her shift and prayed or “manifested” a man to walk into her life that she could form a real connection with. She wanted someone who clicked with her, someone who’s energy truly matched hers that she felt comfortable and happy in their presence. She asked for a man that was not just superficial, or shallow, she asked for a true connection. Then when she was sitting on my lap fully straddled told me you walked in here for a reason, I was here for a reason and I saw you and immediately acted. I knew there was something about you and im so glad we met.
It made me genuinely feel so good. What I felt was deep, it was more about our communication and synergism than physical. Of course she is incredibly attractive, but that was just a plus. That was a rare experience for me.
She told me where she lived, about her friend group and what her plans were this weekend. Honestly i don’t think I’ve talked to any person let alone a stripper for that long and enjoyed every second of the conversation.
Eventually the club had to close so we needed to part ways, she told me to take my phone out and I *needed* get her number. She said “tomorrow im not working im doing etc etc. with friends, join me”
I left the club and she texted me soon after, she asked if I wanted to hang for a specified price and I said no let’s just hang non work related, she said she really wanted to but had a commitment early in the morning so would see me the next day.
I really don’t know how to feel about this. As mentioned, I haven’t genuinely connected with a stripper before, sure we had fun and she made good money, but this actually felt different instinctually. I didn’t get a grooming vibe or money hungry feeling from her, and she often was the first to verbalize how different I was and how much she truly liked me throughout our conversation. She also wanted me to break a numerous amount of rules including various oral acts from me, which she later told me has never happened.
I would love to hear thoughts from the community on this because I think I’m just crazy and honestly I’m just glad I had fun. I am thinking about her after the fact and she definitely had an impact on me, pretty much non physical. We were sharing close space, she was straddled on me the entire time, nude, and maintaining deep eye contact. My love language is physical touch so it helped me truly feel great.
Let me know what you think, thanks!!
TL;DR
Had a lot of interactions with strippers, this time felt very different, I think it was a genuine connection, she gave me her number and wants to hang out. Should I pursue?
44 comments
Oh honey no. She is just very good at her job. The give away was the text asking for money to hang out. Next time you’re unsure, re read that text. If you want genuine human connection you need to stop going to strip clubs.
Next time you hang out, tell her that you feel a genuine connection but you’re concerned that it might be transactional or inauthentic. Make sure that any interaction with her going forward is in a context where there’s no monetary transaction going on. That’s the only way you can have an authentic connection with her which you’re both presumably interested in.
The top line is that we’re all just people and we have regular people needs and desires, and sometimes you meet someone you can act with under weird circumstances. Now are there reasons to maybe be skeptical? Sure, but in this case, you can protect yourself by having normal, reasonable boundaries.
Sure you might get hurt, but you could say that about any relationship. Yeah, she might be trying to pull a fast one but you can take your time and feel things out, don’t get ahead of yourself.
If you’re truly the answer to her prayers, her perfect man manifested before her through some divine intervention then why the fuck would she want money to see you again. I don’t mean to be rude but please have some self awareness. Not gonna lie to you she probably saw you alone on a Wednesday and pinned you as an easy target. I wouldn’t be surprised at all if this is how she pulls in more money on the side. Please don’t let loneliness cloud your judgment and think critically. It’s fine to go to strip clubs if you like but your not skipping the step of introducing yourself to women because at the bar those women are at least talking to you because of genuine interest not because it’s there literal job.
A few hard realities:
You have not had many interactions with strippers. You’ve been like five times. You’re a naïve child.
You go to strip clubs because you have difficulty interacting with women. In other words, because you can’t pick up on their messages. You’re an inexperienced young adult.
She’s a sex worker. She propositioned you to hire her for sex. You will not be the first person or the last. She 100% has bent or broke the rules at the club before. This is how she makes her money. You’re a John. You’re a mark.
If you want to pay her for sex, you can do that, but know these two things are completely true: One, this woman has broken the club rules before with others and has had sex for money before. Two, she is only selling you sex and fantasy. She has not offered you anything else but a fantasy that you can buy.
No, this is not love. She has seduced you and she is attracted to your wallet. If the feeling was mutual, she would not be charging you to see her.
Sigh.
This is nothing against sex workers or their humanity and capacity to form genuine human connections. But buddy, strippers are *not* cruising for boyfriends while they’re on the clock. They are there to make money, and on a slow night, some might choose to give a customer the “girlfriend experience” if they think it’ll result in a big tip. She saw a lonely looking young guy come in and she knew *exactly* what lonely young guys want to hear. She knows you want to feel different from the rest of the drooling masses. Special, unique, maybe even a savior for a tragic waif who leads you to believe that she’ll run away with you if you ask. You think you’re the first guy she’s seen who desperately wants to think that the girl who’s flirting with him is in *love*? I absolutely guarantee that you’re not. She sees a dozen a week, at least.
She wants to hang out outside the club for a reason. The club takes a cut of her tips every shift, and she is looking for under-the-table work so she can keep more of her earnings. This is…let’s just say *frowned upon* by clubs (and often other strippers). It sets dangerous expectations for other dancers and can result in stalking and harassment at the club if things go sour. She could well lose her contract if they find out she’s seeing clients off-site, and then guess who she’ll turn to for financial assistance? You will be in over your head so fast.
Do not. Don’t. You sit your ass at home and brainstorm other activities that could provide that human contact you’re missing. Leave this woman alone.
My man.
At 52 years old, I have never in my life had a “date” ask for money to hang out.
You are being played/grifted/whatever.
She’s very good at her job, and apparently very good at preying on dudes like you.
Advice: move on
But in all seriousness: don’t go to strip clubs to look for dates – go to them to look at naked women. They are nice to you because they are being **paid**, that’s it.
You say you go to them to date because it lets you skip over the part about initially talking to a girl you find attractive. But you are incorrectly assuming they everything else about that situation is the same. It’s not. A girl in a bar is there because she might actually be looking to meet someone. A dancer in a strip club is there because she works there, and her job is to get money out of dudes just like you.
Put it this way: if your grocery store had a lot of cute cashiers, would you go there to try and get a date? I hope that you wouldn’t, because that’s super weird and creepy. “bUt ThEy ArE nIcE tO mE!” – yep – that’s the *job*.
Stop mistaking a naked girl on your lap in a strip club for *actual intimacy*. Her performing the job for which she is paid is not a shortcut to intimacy, physical or otherwise. You say your love language is physical touch. You don’t think that’s just confusing you further here? You spent an evening with a hot, naked girl on your lap engaging in your love language, in a situation where a whole lot of intimacy gates are being skipped over.
You didn’t “feel a connection” here – you got played and manipulated, and “we can hang out for $x” is the first indicator.
So first: get thee into therapy, so you can figure out why you have trouble talking to women in a more traditional setting. I get the allure of strip clubs, but it’s not a place to go meet women, my man.
And second: before you get grifted out of your life savings, let this one go, and stop going to strip clubs to find dates.
Good luck.
>I didn’t get a grooming vibe or money hungry feeling from her
>
>she asked if I wanted to hang for a specified price and I said no let’s just hang non work related, she said she really wanted to but had a commitment early in the morning so would see me the next day.
Buddy, I want you to take a good long look at these two statements you made and see how you can reconcile them.
>she asked if I wanted to hang for a specified price
I’m sorry, man, but yeah, she’s just grooming you for money.
I was actually considering that she might genuinely be into you until this bit. Strippers are still human beings capable of feeling a real human connection, of course. But a stripper who genuinely felt a sincere connection to you wouldn’t ask you to pay to hang out with her in a non-stripping capacity. She’s looking for something like a sugar daddy.
So, you texted her and she asked for more money? Yeah, that’s her performing a job. She’s not actually into you. If she was, she wouldn’t have asked you for more money just to hang out with her. That’s an escort situation. She probably made out with several guys that day. Also, you’re not “in love” with her after spending about an hour with her. She “manifested” a mark, not a mate.
Let me be clear; nothing wrong with loving someone who is a sex worker. But you didn’t meet a dancer at Walmart and fall for her, you fell for her while she was on the clock doing her job. And it sounds like she’s awesome at it, she’s giving the girlfriend experience. Props to her, but please don’t be naive — you went to a place that provides this as a service.
“Falling in love” with an exotic dancer after ONE meeting is hyperbole at best and heartbreaking at worst. This isn’t love, you don’t know this woman. It’s infatuation.
For argument’s sake — let’s say this connection ends up genuine and you were to date this woman, I’m not so convinced that you wouldn’t be jealous. After all, this woman performed her job convincingly and you admitted that you’re in love after a few hours. She must be charismatic. If she’s capable of making men feel this way, how are you going to cope with her making connections like this every shift? You need to be realistic about this.
She is cultivating you as a customer, she wanted to spend time with you based on an agreed upon price.
Oof.. she mentioned $ to hang.. and then declined hanging out w/o.. there is your answer unfortunately :/
Maybe to feel less heartbroken, you can imagine her saying this shpiel to other guys before you (and probably after you).
I started reading this and thinking “oh no”.
Eventually, I was thinking, “well, okay, that’s cool, just don’t give her money”.
But then she asked to hang out for a specified price.
Buddy you’ve gotta know that that isn’t how genuine relationships work. Women are expensive, but, in the real world, they don’t take direct payment.
I’m sorry, but the fact that you use the word “grooming” in this way is just atrocious. That’s what happens when an adult prays on a child to sexually abuse them. It is NOT similar to you going to a strip club and paying a likely desperate woman for company.
There’s a lot of issues with buying sex, but I’m not even going to touch that. The stupidity here is mind-numbing.
I would say don’t fall in love, but you can pursue just a physical relationship if you don’t mind paying.
> she asked if I wanted to hang for a specified price and I said no let’s just hang non work related, she said she really wanted to but
The “but” tells you everything you need to know.
>would see me the next day
Where? At the club?
OP – you met her at her job. She sounds like she’s a combination of very good at her job and maybe a little loose with club rules, depending.
Either way, she doesn’t have (or is required to have) any interest in you outside of the working relationship you have.
You, on the other hand, do not love her. You don’t know her. You don’t love someone after a nice conversation in which you paid them to be there.
You love someone after months, often years, of time willingly spent together outside of a working context (sex work, barista work, corporate work – it’s all work).
Wow, I think this is the first time I’ve seen this particular scenario on this sub. Kinda surprising, actually.
OP, I might say you’re not that confident at all if you feel like you have to go to strip bars to get women to talk to you. It’s literally part of their job. There’s not anything inherently wrong with a lack of confidence. Lots of people have that. I was one of them. But you have to be aware of your limitations and work to overcome them, not completely short-circuit them as you’re doing here.
This?
>I thoroughly enjoy going to the strip club in my city because the most difficult part for me at bars is the initiation of conversation with girls I find attractive. At strip clubs, im able to skip that step.
Means you should never go to strip club. Not healthy.
>I offered to get a private room because I was enjoying myself and wanted to explore this more.
Buddy, she’s a stripper. Strip clubs aren’t for dating. You don’t get a private room to “explore this more” you get a private room to get a lap dance.
>I left the club and she texted me soon after, she asked if I wanted to hang for a specified price and I said no let’s just hang non work related, she said she really wanted to but had a commitment early in the morning so would see me the next day.
Come on man. Read between the lines.
> I haven’t genuinely connected with a stripper before
You still haven’t.
Oh you poor naïve fool. She is going to milk your wallet dry.
* I left the club and she texted me soon after, she asked if I wanted to hang for a specified price and I said no let’s just hang non work related, she said she really wanted to but had a commitment early in the morning so would see me the next day.
Brother, she did not give you her number as a prospective partner, she gave you her number as a client. Its to make more money, if she wanted to hang out with you as a person, she wouldn’t have asked for money to hang out.
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Its nothing against her, she is there to do her job which is to make money, and that’s what she is doing.
So she asked you to pay her to hang out that night but when you said sure, but I don’t want to pay she suddenly had something to do early and couldn’t hang out? 😐 Sir.
She is going to rob you blind.
You’re not in love with a person. You’re in love with a product.
**she asked if I wanted to hang for a specified price**
OP: please don’t tell me you are ignoring this red flag.
She doesn’t see you as a friend, she sees you as a client. This is not romance, this is profession. You pay a comedian to make you laugh, you pay a stripper/escort to make you feel wanted & desired. She’s providing that specific service **for money.**
She gave you her phone number and wants to hang out for a price. Does that sound like she wants a relationship? You’re being naive.
Homie, she probably gives that same song and dance to dozen guys a week. If you’re 25, fit, dress nicely, etc you don’t have to pursue women who sell their body for money. Also, do yourself a favor and never tell anyone about this especially women.
She wanted money to hangout and when you said no she suddenly was busy. She’s selling you the “girlfriend experience”. She’s prostituting herself.
Dude, she’s moonlighting, not trying to be friends or more with you.
She’s also not “grooming” you, she’s cultivating a client in an explicit client/service provider environment. And she’s clearly good at her job.
You need to put real effort in the real world if you want to genuinely meet a woman. Strippers will come to you because you’re a customer…
I might be reading too much into this, but I’m kind of grossed out by the fact that men might feel more confident in a setting where women are naked/semi-naked and need to make money. Is the perceived power imbalance that gives men the confidence they lack when interacting with women outside of these settings?
The biggest red flag that flew right over your head was when she asked you to hangout for a specific price. If she wanted to pursue a relationship it would’ve been just a hangout or a date. Sorry to tell you but everyone is right she is just really good at her job. Never go looking for love in a place like this lol.
The entire time reading this, I was thinking…well, maybe this is different…..it *could* happen. Until she said you’d have to pay to hang out with her. Sure, pal, she manifested you and really *wants* to spend time with you, as long as you pay her for it? Hahahahaha nope, what she tried to ‘manifest’ is a regular client to pay her bills.
I don’t see it genuine. I’m not a stripper but her asking for money to hang out and then declining it after you said no, seems like it’s just part of her job to lure in men. My best bet is to not go in that club for a while.
I love and admire strippers because of their ability to capitalize on men’s little feelings.
Bro, even if she’s for real, this would not be a healthy relationship. She could have had her guard down for you because she was drunk or on drugs. No emotionally mature woman would right of the bat say everything she said to you upon a first meeting. No emotionally mature man would try to find love in a strip club. My guy, get out there, learn to converse with women (you may struggle with this, but it takes practice and you’ll be fine one day and with the right person) and learn to take things slow. This would not work out if you want something for real for real. Dude she asked you for fcking money just to hang out with you. Dude…
My dude. You might be developing feelings for this woman, but she isn’t developing them for you. She’s just good at her job, which is to make you feel special and important and to give her more money. She’s not “grooming” you for money though. She’s providing a service for which you are paying.
It’s clear from this post that you want an actual relationship with a real human connection. You’re not going to find that in a strip club. Yes, strippers date, but they very rarely if ever date clients or former clients. Most sex workers have a very low opinion of their clients, tbh, even if they don’t show it. She almost certainly thinks you’re pathetic and gross.
If you want to date, work on the things that are holding you back. Maybe try online dating. That removes the pressure from approaching women, since the first interactions happen behind a screen. Or try things like meetups/hobbies/clubs where you can get used to interacting with women without the goal of dating.
And for fucks sake get off the train to banging a stripper. Most women are going to be extremely turned off if they find out you’ve done that. So many sex workers including strippers are trafficked/so desperate for money they’re not fully consenting. And as a client, you’re not going to know which worker is the rare one who truly enjoys her work vs the one who is only there because she can’t afford to feed her children vs the one who is literally being forced into that work by her pimp. Most women I know would never date a man who’d had sex with a sex worker.
Dude she asked you to pay to hang out with her.
In my 20’s I had a chance to date a stripper but didn’t because I wasn’t mature enough to say from a relationship prospective your job bothers me and I’m not sure how to navigate that. In my 30’s I had FWB situation with a woman who stripped. In both cases money never changed hands. There was never the discussion of money, I never actually saw the FWB work. The first girl would get dressed and take her breaks when I came in, and we met outside of her work. Again no money exchanged. If she’s asking for a paid date the connection wasn’t strong enough to get past the work time hurdle.
>I haven’t genuinely connected with a stripper before
Yeah you still haven’t.
How much did this experience cost you? A sex worker is selling you aspects of an actual girlfriend experience.
* She’s overlooking any lack of physical attraction
* She’s overlooking any lack in grooming or hygiene
* She’s overlooking any lack of social skills like listening, over talking, poor eye focus, nervousness, etc
* She’s laughing at jokes that aren’t funny.
She has learned to focus her positive sexual cues that she gives customers basically whenever she wants. In other words, she’s excellent at what she does and is manipulating you.
You aren’t developing the social skills and improvements needed to advance to this stage with a real woman. This “relationship” only exists to the extent you are willing to pay for it, which is why I ask how much this cost?
A tale as old as time
As a stripper myself not many of us get involved with guys that come into the club. Some may have a motive that involves money. I wouldn’t get my hopes up.
She manifested the perfect sucker. We got your back OP. The red flag was asking for money to hang out, that’s all see she’s you as. You can try who knows, maybe we’re all wrong. Just keep this in the back of your head and don’t give this woman a dime not even a nickel or a penny.
Stop thinking. Immediately.