My boyfriend (33M) of about 1 year + mentions flirtatious interactions that he has with his colleagues as part of regular conversation when we’re on a date. For context, our relationship dynamic has been healthy and he hasn’t shown any major red flags. He’s trustworthy, honest, understanding, and good to me.
However, I am finding these comments to be strange. We would talk about our days at work and he would mention a “smoking hot” young colleague, or how he’s been spending more time with this one new girl at work, or how he told a coworker that he would go for her if he wasn’t in a relationship. I’ve never said anything when he makes these comments. He mentioned that it’s all in “good humor” and that it’s just his way of being funny at work. And to him, the fact that he mentions these comments to me should make make more secure because he’s being honest and up front.
The comments have been making me uncomfortable but I don’t know how to raise it without falling into the trap of being the “jealous” girlfriend. I understand office dynamics/friendships (I work full time at a different office and can be close to my colleagues) but I think I would stay away from a guy who behaves like this at work.
I feel silly even writing this – but is this behavior a red flag? And how can I deal with it in a healthy way, without coming off as an insecure/jealous girlfriend trope myself?
TLDR: Boyfriend (33M) of 1 year+ talks to me about flirtatious interactions that he has with his coworkers as part of regular conversation when we’re on a date. He says it’s in good humor and he’s being honest with me. It makes me feel uncomfortable but I don’t know how to address it.
9 comments
Tell him that you really don’t need to hear about his constant flirting with all these “hot” women and that it’s not funny & not making you feel more secure. What would make you feel more secure is him not making other women a regular part of your dates. That’s just rude.
If you can’t communicate with him when he’s doing something totally unnecessary that is hurting you, there’s not much great about the relationship.
Enjoy the sexual harassment lawsuit your totally a good guy boyfriend is going to get slapped with in the future.
Red flag and run.
**he told a coworker that he would go for her if he wasn’t in a relationship**
And you’re just being glad he’s honest to you? **Girl wake up and break up with him.**
It’s called having some self respect by telling him you don’t want a guy who flirts with women while in a relationship
My mouth dropped wide open at the idea of hearing even one of those comments escape my partners mouth without an immediate break up or a glass of wine to the face.
You sound like a lovely woman who has been well trained. So was I. May I please recommend that you IMMEDIATELY read the book “Why Men Love Bitches” because respectfully, you need a wake up call to your status as a goddess.
There is no planet in which I would accept any of those comments from a potential partner. They are HUGE screaming waving neon red flags, and I implore you to see them as that and much worse.
He has been testing your waters, as men do for your boundaries, often it sounds like, and has been getting away with bloody murder. Imagine being out with your best friend and hearing her husband say those things?! Or your own daughters boyfriend saying them at dinner?
Run, don’t walk. And read the book. Girl you’re welcome. 😘
When you end it, don’t bother explaining why. He’s likely a Class A manipulator that can talk his way (and your feelings) out of anything – so go in with a game plan to keep it vague. “I think it’s time for us to end things. I’m not exactly sure what happened – my feelings just sort of drifted away. I thought we had something, but over time I’ve noticed it fading and it’s not fair to keep you if the chemistry just isn’t there. Sorry if I led you on, I was trying to find the right time to tell you – but we’re done now. Have a good one.”
I dont understand why even in 2022 we haven’t taught women that communicating your boundaries is not being a jealous girlfriend. It’s just being a normal human being.
>but I think I would stay away from a guy who behaves like this at work
So you realize that the problem is infact *his* behavior and not your position as a gf, and yet you think telling him that he’s being a creep by flirting with coworkers and telling you about them is gonna make you look jealous and insecure.
Btw the other side of a jealous gf is a cool girlfriend aka the doormat
I’d dump him because how’s he gonna be 33 years old and be the office “creep” flirting with several women & even telling you how “smoking hot” one of them is & how he’d “totally get with another woman if he wasn’t already taken” WHO THE FUCK TALKS LIKE THIS TO THE PERSON THEY CLAIM TO LOVE????? He’s either one dense motherfucker; or just a big ass tool….or both.
How do you deal with it? You start calling him your ex-boyfriend!
But this isn’t really office appropriate behaviour! Flirting with a colleague is very different then joking around with a colleague.
You should definitely discuss this with him, however try approaching it from the angle of this behaviour not being work appropriate. By “flirting” at work he is opening the door for 1 – someone getting the wrong idea from their exchanges and thinking he is available, or, 2 – find these exchanges as uncomfortable and complain to HR.
Also, how does he think it’s ok to tell you he flirts with other people, innocent intentions or not?!?!
Go home and tell him about the smoking hot new guy at your workplace 😂😂 tell him how you flirted over coffee and see how he likes that.