I kind of wanted to post this to understand and see if I was being immature or jealous in this situation and how I read it.
My girlfriend (we’ve been dating for 2.5 years) really enjoys Christmas and spreading that enjoyment to others during this season.
One of the things she does is buy Advent Calendars for her family members.
She included me in this tradition of hers and started buying me an Advent Calendar as well.
One of my friends is a personal trainer and has been training myself and my girlfriend for around 10 months now. He is a great guy, and myself as well as my girlfriend get along great with him and his girlfriend.
This year, my girlfriend bought Advent Calendars for her family members, her newest BIL, myself and our trainer.
It kind of rubbed me the wrong way and I brought it up with her. My thought process was that this was a really nice tradition and her including me in it was very sweet and it felt like a way to kind of include myself or bridge the gap between myself and her family. Her buying the advent calendar for my friend felt like it kind of took away from that inclusivity and made it feel less special.
Her position is that we see our trainer twice a week and he is a friend so she wanted to get him one as well. It was a way for her to spread her joy of the season.
I told her it felt less special for me this year as it felt less “exclusive” and like a special thing since she included him in it. She didn’t take that well and told me it hurt that I said it felt less special.
I can see where she is coming from and I told her I was sorry about how I was feeling but her gifting me the advent calendar was still very sweet and very special, I just didn’t know how to feel about her gifting it to our friend as well. We kind of dropped it at that point but it’s still been bothering me.
Am I thinking about this too much? I don’t know if I am being unreasonable or not and I thought reaching out here might give me some more perspective on it.
Tldr; my girlfriend bought an advent calendar for my friend when usually she just gifts them to her family and myself. I still feel bothered by this.
8 comments
please tell me you are joking. YTA everyone buys advent calendars for everyone , i bet she’s bought advent calendars for other friends in the past
I see both sides of this, maybe she can do something else to make u feel special but u can’t just ask her to do that or it would be weird
Would you be this bothered if the friend was a woman?
It makes her happy to share something she enjoys with people that she cares about. You said yourself that this is a friend of yours. It’s a cardboard box with some little treats in it. Your reaction is completely over the top.
She may need to see things from another side. Ask her how she would feel if you gave her a gift for her birthday (use a specific example if you can), and then gave the exact same gift to a female co-worker on her birthday.
You see this person all the time too, and are friendly. They’re kind, etc – all other details are the same. It’s not that you would have done anything wrong, it’s only that by doing the same thing, the meaning is dampened just a tad.
She clearly didn’t mean for this to happen, and is clearly a loving person overall, so try to make it clear that you know and appreciate this about her. But your feelings and response is totally reasonable and normal.
Sometimes two things can be true at the same time. Your girlfriend did nothing wrong, but it’s also ok to want special things between you two not shared with others. Ideally you can share this with her and offer up a new tradition of your own – get creative!
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So… do you have any other concerns about the two of them or something? Because otherwise, this feels like it’s hitting you pretty hard without a lot of reason, IMHO.
I… kind of get what you mean? But when you haven’t mentioned anything else inappropriate, I don’t think it’s worth the escalation
Years ago my new in-laws gave me an Advent Calendar for Christmas and I had never heard of it. I don’t know if it was because my family was Southern Baptist, but we never had one. Although it obviously meant something to them and I appreciated the gesture, it didn’t mean anything to me. Does she know if your trainer even wants one? It is presumptions to give religious gifts if a person is not that denomination. You are not wrong to see it as a special present for family only, but she should have asked him if he wanted it. Not exactly the same, but I met a woman in line at the grocery store who said the hospital where she worked gave out free hams at Christmas and the Jewish doctors gave theirs to her. Know your audience.