I’m a woman in my late 20’s and I’ve noticed that 90% of friends I’ve tried making have been mostly been due to me being the one that has to initiative, and I am so tired of doing this. A lot of the friends I’ve made are from a friend app. I just feel like women don’t reach out to me or put in any effort, and I am always the one reaching out, putting effort and setting up the meet ups.
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on top of that, I keep coming across people who say they are looking for friends, but then i see that they have a lot of friends and are already in a friend group. These types of women I never hear from them unless I reach out to check in and link up.
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I don’t think my personality is anti-social or anything. I’m an ambivert. I have hobbies (i.e. i’m a runner, active in the gym, play tennis, love movies/shows, art, etc.)..so I’m just confused. I know it sounds bad to say but I how do I get people to gravitate towards me like i do to them?
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Have you recognized anybody trying to put in effort but maybe you brushed it aside?
What do you want friends for?
How are you mostly trying to make friends? I’m actually really impressed that you’ve succeeded at making friends over a friends app, I find people are extra flaky and distracted there. And most of the time I am one of those people too so I can’t complain too much.
Join interest based-communities! Social activities, with no expiry date (like a class would have).
It sounds like you are doing great and just need to find the right context.
People subconsciously attach you to the value you bring. What are people going to get out of being friends with you ? What kind of value can you add to people’s lives and how do you stand out from their existing friend group ? Have you tried connecting with people interested in the same things as you ?
My therapist talked to me about this, in terms of having friends who don’t reach out.
He told me that most people’s natural state is status quo, as in they will literally sit and vibe out. This doesn’t mean they don’t like you or are ignoring you, just that we won’t react unless provided some stimulus.
Some people, like you, may be different.
I feel if people are ur real frie ds they would keep in touch with u here and there,with each other.i had friends too like that but they never reach out.but with other people they did,i feel people that are maybe like that try to make it about them mostly unless theres something to gain for them but that shouldnt be a reason,is kinda like being friends with the rock just cus hes famous but if he wasnt famous they wouldnt hang out with him,i think is better with someone closer like a cousin,is better than a friend,
My theory is that like 10-20% of all people are initiators, and everyone else is… not. So you’re part of the 10/20%. So you could either hunt down the 10/20% — you will know them because they throw parties and such — or you could be content to befriend the other 80%.
I’ve felt this too . Check r/askwomenadvice
I was listening to a podcast and they said get used to taking initiative and following up, especially post 20/
I wish there was a subreddit for those of us that want to make friends and the subreddit is somehow also organized by state/cities. Or did I just basically describe MeetUp? I made a friend off that app when we were the only two people that showed up for a meetup and we kept hanging out. But then she moved out of state. OP, do you live in TX? I’d hang out with you
same here. just replace friendships with relationships. to this day i do not know if i should text him or not. it has been a month since we talked………………….
Man here, and honestly same.
Sounds like being a dude