My husband and I have been married for 3 years, during this time we have spoken a lot about about me not feeling like a priority over his friend the wife. I used to feel like I had to tip toe around my house when they would talk. My husband talks to the couple constantly, when I finish work they are on the phone up until bedtime sometimes. Honestly I thought when the friend and wife would have a child things would change but their child is 1 now and nothing ever changed but I have learnt to not notice the calls as much, and overall I don’t crave the attention from my husband now. But an issue arose, his best friend and wife and child want to move into our house. And take up 2 bedrooms technically 1 and a half bedrooms. I don’t know what to feel about this but from the sounds of it is something that they are all excited about and I was the last to know. Something in my gut tells me that it won’t end well. What do you guys think ?
25 comments
Trust. Your. Gut.
Having ANYONE move into your house is a 2 yes, 1 no situation – and the only voices that matter in the decision making are you and your husband. I’m VERY concerned that he is inviting people to live with you guys and just expects you to go along with it.
Say no. Put your foot down. You and your husband are the main characters in your marriage. You are not a tertiary character to him and his BFF as leading men.
Just throwing this out there but are he and his BFF romantically involved or is he looking into a nonomonogomous situation because I find it VERY odd that he places his best friend and his best friend’s wife above you and your feelings. That is NOT normal. In a heirarchy or a very wide normal range in a relationship, there is nothing at all normal about your husband’s relationship with his friend and his friend’s wife.
Truly, trust your gut and put your foot down. I don’t care how excited they are about this – it will be invasive to you and you will be pushed out of the relationship with your husband very very quickly. He’s already shown you where you stand in line priority wise. Believe what he is telling and showing you here.
You will be ignored even more for sure now. No need for phone calls when they’ll be right there in the same house/room.
I see you being a maid & cook while they all socialize.
Then there’s something that makes me feel like as if they have a much closer relationship than friends.
I may get flack for this but it’s just my opinion.
I’ve only ever read things like this when there’s a 3 sum couple so they just move in w each other to be closer & easier access. Then the excitement over the kid moving in also makes me think if they were engaging in sexual activity the child may be your husbands so if they move in he’ll have access to the child although the friend raises it as his own.
They all ignore you and they’re too close by phone already and if they move in it’ll be much easier to access.
Hell they all agreed they’d move in w o even asking your opinion and it’s your house.
This is a massive red flag. I would be pissed and refuse to allow them to move in my house. You should be angry w your husband and you should not ignore it all.
This is very suspicious behavior on all of them.
Don’t do it! Trust your gut!!
I’m thinking your husband and his best friend are more connected than he is to you, I would leave so he could pursue his true passion. He literally chose him over you, and moving him in? Nah, I would be done.
Yeah no, that won’t end well.
It’s your house too, tell him no ! When he says then you can leave tell him so can you. Find out why they are moving in. Sounds sus to me!
Next thing your husband is going to be building an art room for his BFF
It sounds as if you were not asked, you were informed about what’s going to happen in your own home? How did you get to be as insignificant as a dust bunny in your own home?
You need to find the exit ramp on this trip.
Is this other couple into swinging??
Tell him this is not acceptable.
If he disagrees, let him be with them, and gracefully exit this shitshow.
He’s married to you & he prioritizes his friend over you. They moving in & you’ll probably be ignored even more. Could you imagine them asking you to babysit their child so them & your husband can go out together. Bruh
You seem to have no say in this,it’ll be 3 against one with a 1 year old thrown into [it.it](https://it.it)’s not just them either,it’s their friend’s,family coming over.they probably have dog’s too,hell no.i’d be talking to a lawyer,divorce [time.](https://time.like)you’ll be the servant for all of them,in your house.
How are you not consulted? This is a big enough issue that you should have been asked first
You can tell him no. It’s your house, too. Honestly though, I’d just pack my bags and leave. You are so far down his list of priorities that he spends every spare moment talking to them. You’re an outsider in your own marriage. I wouldn’t stay and play second fiddle.
How old are you guys? It’s bizarre to have roommates once you’re married, especially another married couple with a kid.
I think you should have started the divorce process already, he’s married to them, not you. Leave.
Yikes. Honestly it sounds like you should just end the relationship now, if you’ve gotten to the point where you “don’t crave the attention of your husband now” and he makes more of an effort for his friends than for you it sounds like it’s already over.
STAND YOUR GROUND!
This is your and your husband marriage YOU never be in the backseat of your relationship.
You said one key word that you don’t try to get his attention. I think that sentence already said that your over not a priority in your own marriage.
Your husband needs to understand that this isn’t OK. I don’t know any man who stats on the phone talking for hours – that isn’t in a relationship with that person.
1) ask your husband if he is IN love with you or with his friend and wife. There definitely some boundaries that are being crossed.
2) you guys definitely need marriage counseling cause your husband doesn’t prioritize you or your marriage.
3) if he doesn’t divorce seems like the only answer. Sale the house and he can live with them.
4) my thoughts are he wants to be poly with them.
I definitely think it’s time to play two card monte.
1 card is for marriage counseling. The other is for divorce lawyer.
Unless that couple can buy you out of the house, it will most likely be sold in the divorce. You’ll have money to start new then that throuple can go on their merry way.
Don’t do it. Any time someone moves into your home it changes the atmosphere in the home. I have had an adult sister move in, and later an adult child moved back in, both times were miserable and I loved my sister and child. It will be exponentially worse with people you have not lived with before and don’t love.
From how you clean your home and have constant access to your washer and dryer. Sitting in your living room to watch your favorite shows when they are watching something else. Someone using the last of the (insert item here) that you were planning to use to make dinner with. Having to dress differently in the home before bed because there are others there.
There are so many little things that makes it uncomfortable. You may find yourself hiding in your bedroom to get away from all the interaction. It can also cause resentment, and ruin friendships.
ETA Husband should have run it by you when it was first brought up. At this point they will know it was you who said no. They are all in agreement, just waiting for your agreement. He set you up here.
You are a beard for your husband. Are you sure he isn’t a sperm donor to their child?
Divorce lawyer here. Do not, I repeat do not allow them to move in. I can’t tell you how many divorces I’ve been involved with that are result of people moving in with couples and wreaking havoc on their lives
Tell him to move into their house and you keep the house you’re staying in to yourself
I would leave this loser so fast. Get your finances etc sorted and get out