Where does this “girls only like bad boys” stereotype come from? Why do so many men believe it?

34 comments

  2. It’s been in movies for a while. A girl will have this guy best friend who’ll do anything for her as has liked her for years but was too scared to cross that line and she’s too distracted by the leather coat or varsity jacket wearing guy to notice how much he cares for her.

    That, and the idea that there are many guys who think of themselves as nice guys (back when it wasn’t a giant red flag) and watch all of the women around them ignore them and go for men the guys know won’t treat them right. That’s probably more of a perspective thing but so long as it’s true to them then it’s reality.

  3. Because I’ve been seeing for almost 40 years that a woman will marry a nice guy but when they cheat it’s with a younger a-hole with a sports car or motorcycle. Clearly that’s not every woman but it’s a cliche for a reason, a common enough one that I got an M class licence at 24 for exactly that reason.

  4. From the simple fact that an awful lot of women seem to complain about their boyfriends, then stay with them nonetheless and if they finally happen to be single again you got a 90% chance they’ll go for someone who is just as bad as the last one again. Rinse and repeat. It’s not even coming from being rejected usually, mostly it’s simple observation your friend group.

  5. Rather than “girls only like bad boys” I might say “many girls are sexually attracted to bad boys”

  7. Because it’s true, especially for younger (18-30) women. A lot of girls don’t want to fuck guys that are too “easy” to get.

  8. There is strong evidence this is true.

    Concepts like the friend zone (bad boys are rarely there), nice guys come last, etc. support it.

    Even empirical evidence, do you ever see a bad guy complaining of bad luck with ladies? How about good guys?

  9. There’s this point in a lot of young men’s life where they listen to a girl complain about her boyfriend, but then the girl will either not break up with the “jerk”, break up with him and get back together (while still complaining) or finding someone who (to the boy observing) looks like a different make of the same model. It’s not even always about “why won’t she go out with *me*?”.

    (Though, yes, that too. People in general come up with some amazing theories about why the people they want to date them aren’t dating them. A favorite is “they can’t handle me”, for instance.)

  10. It’s simple — “bad boys” are more exciting. There’s usually more intensity and more of a rush, even if those feelings are coupled with the anxiety and other bad feelings a crappy guy also brings into a relationship/situationship.

  11. A lot of women (and men) have a poor upbringing that leads them to choosing certain partners who are familiar to them. Also media portraying men and women as desirable if they’re “bad”. For instance, Harley Quinn and/or the joker. While I think anyone who’s mature enough will recognize this kind of relationship is awful and abusive, tons of people idolize that “aesthetic”.

  12. Years of observación, I’ve lost count of the times I’ve seen the cliché of women marries financially/emotionally secure guy whos crazy for her and respects her, said women cheats with an guy who doesn’t respect her at all and uses her as a warm sock, said guy happens to be disrespectful, unapologetic, very up front and sexual, sweet talkers, and way More rough in bed than the husband/bf for what I’ve Heard, basically assholes who often are or have psychopath/narc tendecies. The ammount of times I’ve seen that scenario play in real life Is just absurd, I’ve lost count, thats why most guys roll their eyes everytime a woman says she wants a good guy, respectful, loving blabla basically guy 1, when the closer a guy acts to guy 2 the better results he gets

  13. i can’t even believe what im gonna say is seen as controversial, but men….go by observations and experience. Its what we see everyday. Lets round up all the software developers and all the bikers/construction workers and see which group has more wives/girlfriends/women. I already know which group im betting on.

  14. Some women love drama, and bad boys bring plenty of that. They often leave “nice” relationships because they get bored of how well things are going, it’s just not exciting to them. Obviously this doesn’t count for every woman, but enough of them for the stereotype to be a thing.

  15. Because they keep being attracted ny the guy sho manipulates them, ignores them, flirts with them, then ignores them, then flirts again, then ignores them, and they jist have to find out what is it abt him, and then they’ll go as far as dating him just to have the satisfaction/validation that he is attracted to her. And so when it goes to shit, it’s all men’s fault. And so the next man who is interested, however decent he is, will get the treatment that should have went to the other guy, where she starts testing him and is extremely careful because she is afraid of making the same dumbass mistake. But in the end, she will change her mind and go eith that guy who just…doesnt seem as interested, but he shows signs, but doesnt seem interested, and the cycle continues.

    That dumbtricks like this work on such intelligent women is beyond my understanding.

  16. I think “bad boys” are seen as cool and sexy. The thing is bad boy doesn’t necessarily mean asshole. Of course you’ll have women that lean towards assholes, but you can absolutely have a “bad boy” type who wears leather jackets, rings, has tattoos, etc. and he’s still a super chill dude. A lot of my friends are like that

  17. Media and celebrities perpetuate it, Ie Whitney Houston dating Bobby Brown, or Pamela Anderson dating Tommy Lee among many many more examples.

    We also see it on a personal basis, your random scummy pos always seemingly has some new eye candy wrapped around his waist at the local bar.

    Even in the normal women we date, if we by chance open up and even slightly show that we may lack confidence, or have a personal issue, sharing it with someone we’re dating can often change her view of us for the worse.

    So why do we believe it? Because there are so many obvious examples of it. Is it a universal truth? No of course not, not every woman finds ‘assholes’ attractive, but there are enough that its enough to question your own abilities and perception of yourself.

  19. Well, all I know about it are two things from life experience.

    1. I’ve watched some of the worst men I have known (and I’ve known more than a few “bad boys” in my life) run through women effortlessly. The women throw themselves at some of them.
    2. I’ve been married 46 years (I’m 68) to a pretty, smart, bookish, shy and absolutely lovely lady. Once I was kidding with her about how she picked me (she approached me first, at age 16), if it was my intelligence, my animal magnetism, my dashing good looks, my charm, or something else that attracted her. “You were a bad boy” she replied. And I was. And she was serious.

    Stereotypes usually have some validity.

    ​

    More evidence: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rf3s6sglg6s

  21. Because there are an uncanny amount of good women who date guys with no job, have a criminal record, who borrow her car while she’s at work, live rent free in her apartment, use her debit card to buy weed and fast food, then spends his time gaming and cheating on her! Then has the audacity to get mad at her!

    And she will defend her “man” till her dying breath.. it just doesn’t make any sense.

    And when she gets pregnant he takes off.

    Extra points if he hits her and puts holes in the drywall. Some Girls seem to eat that shish up!

  22. It’s not a stereotype, it’s a statistic. A very well studied one, and a truthful one

  23. We believe it because many have seen and experienced it.

    I have seen many woman throw themselves at guys in my crew who were known assholes. Had multiple kids with different woman. On and on. But the key with most of these guys…they were good looking guys. So all the negatives were overlooked.

    I know one of the guys in my crew has slept with at least 3 woman that each know each other and all know about it. He is not a good guy at all.

  25. Because in the end of the day I heard a lot woman complaining about some type of guy with toxic behavior, saying this guys are not good boyfriend and yet this same type of guy always had a really beautiful girlfriend.

    Or girls complaining about her abusive ex, and going back to him after a month or two…so yeah, some girls love bad boys.

  27. I wasn’t a “nice” guy, but often was seen as a safe choice and had a lot of women as friends growing up. Even now most of my close friends are women.

    The amount of not Chad choices, but “this dude literally does meth and is out on bail” choices in my friend group was enough for me to take pause and permanently friend zone all of them.

    I did date a girl recommended by my friends. She “met a musician” while her and I were boyfriend and girlfriend, was already pregnant with his baby and my friend’s guilt tripped her into not making me think I was the father. The musician wasn’t really a musician, just a dude who got in heated confrontations regularly.

    Many years ago a friend was in town visiting and asked if I’d go out with her friend. I joked about the ex who ran off with the serial abuser she recommended previously. She was still in contact with her and filled me in.

    The first guy basically lit her lights up to the point she was hospitalized. Then some sort of drama happened, she lives in a trailer park, has multiple kids from multiple guys and is a walking punching bag.

    We had an awkward laugh, “she sure is a firecracker!” And I did not go out with her friend.

  28. Because a lot of men have the experience of being the kind of guy girls say they want while also getting rejected in favor of the kind of guys they were complaining about in the first place.

  30. Ive talked to women who have actually left their husbands because they’re too nice, won’t argue with them, etc. these are older mature women, not teens. Obviously it’s a small number but tells me a lot.

  31. Because the popular guys in High School are rarely the kind, giving types. They also seem to attract the most attractive girls too. This builds their confidence, which is a universally agreed trait that people like. Obviously sometimes girls realize that it isnt just confidence, but some uglier version if arrogance, but by then the damage is often already done.

  32. This is a question that a city boy could easily answer my theory is ….. a lot of guys don’t just become ass holes they weren’t born to be the bad guy toward woman but bumps and all types of rejection with women changes the mindset, especially when a guy sees that less draws more attention. By less draws more attention I mean imagine getting curved by a girl being the good guy or even dating a girl just to be ran over and thrown away meanwhile those same girls tend to pay a little more attention to the person that gives less …..…. Then boom a fuck boy is created. Hurt people hurt people and men tend to follow the trend because more less then not you get more love when you give less. Ps in my experience/ this does not fit all situations……. Wait also I have one more. Men also have associates and friends that tell them things or they hear things so if you keep getting played but you see your friend jimmy the savage getting all the chicks and he’s a asshole eventually you turn to the dark side 😈 and acknowledge you don’t love these …. 🤷🏽‍♂️

  33. The main reason I know it’s true is I’ve worked in a lot of female dominant work places and made a lot of cool female friends, they almost always chat about life and their troubles and I’m a good listener and I’ve been with my partner for 14 years now so often they asked for advice.

    So the majority are with guys who cheat on them, are either violent or possessive and no matter what these bad boys did to them they’d go running back to them.

    And these were intelligent attractive and interesting women but it’s hard wired that guys who treat them badly are exciting, guys who are nice they find dull which is their choice but I’d often say you know he’s like that so either accept it and deal or change what sort of guys you roll with that’s it.

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