Hey guys (me f23, bf m 26)
So my bf/ now ex where together 3.5 years. He has been my greatest love. We just get eachothers . I call him my Michael Scott to my holly. We lived together in an apartment , planned a future together and absolutely adore eachother.
We decided to mutually break up after a bad fight. I did try to leave the relationship prior because I realized how bad the fighting was, but he insisted that we keep trying and that’s I’m his future wife. We tried really hard on both ends, but we are both going through major life changes and dealing with depression ( we both started therapy recently ) and the relationship was becoming too much stress for both of us. We tried giving eachother space but that only lasted like 3 days because it was too painful but we ended up arguing again. This time we decided to break up. Distance is also an issue since he does sometimes go on contracts and I’m in grad school
It’s 2 weeks since we broke up and I am absolutely miserable. I can’t even eat a full meal, can barely sleep, my chest hurts so bad. I thought after 2 weeks things would feel better but it’s only gotten worse . I’ve never felt this way with any of my exes. Once I left them or things ended I was sad at first but super relieved after. I feel like I’m never going to recover and I miss him terribly .
He reached out to me a few times but we ended up seeing eachother briefly yesterday because he is going on contract. He said to not lose hope on us and that he still wants a future with me and still sees me as his wife. He said he will be back during Christmas to visit and hopefully by then has enough money for us to get a house and possibly start fresh. He said this month he will be working non stop and working on himself as well.
I trust him, not once have I ever caught him in some BS. He is genuinely the greatest person I’ve ever met, but if we are broken up I don’t want to wait around. We are both single, and anything could happen, and I don’t think I could get back together if he hooked up with someone during this time.
I absolutely love him and don’t want this to be the end. I want him back so bad, but I also want to see if I can heal and realize I can be content alone. I’m really unsure what to do, but I just want this pain to stop.
Tl:dr bf and I broke up but still see a future with eachother ??
2 comments
This sounds to me like pretty typical grief, babe. 2 weeks is barely anything in grief time. A relationship ending is HARD. But it sounds like you’re fighting way more than a healthy couple, and that you’re not in a place to put any more effort into the relationship to try to repair it as you’re far apart and busy.
Buying a house won’t be a “fresh start”. The problems you have will still exist even when you’re in the same house instead of just in the same apartment. There are no good relationships where fighting until you break up is a recurring situation, IMO.
I dont think you have ANY hope of grieving this properly and moving on if the possibility of him is just lingering on the horizon. Maybe the reason you’re having trouble getting over the relationship is because he keeps stringing you along.
It’s always better to first be content within yourself. Establish solid female friendships, find hobbies to pursue, join some volunteer organization to find passion in using your gifts to help others. You’ll bring more joy in the relationship and You’ll become more confident in how you set boundaries, so fights don’t escalate. The pain is hard fix ….everyone just has to endure it. Finding distractions does help bring you out of your indwelling thoughts. My heart goes out to you…. I understand the situation your in leaves you so empty.