I’ll keep this brief and lacking details. I’ve been seeing someone who has a child and is divorced. Since we’re adults, we talk about the future. Marriage came up and I was thrown for a loop that I never thought about. My SO wants to keep their last name (their exs last name) as they want to share it with their child.
I’m not sure if I’m being unreasonable, but that doesn’t sit well with me, if we were to be married. I really wouldn’t want to take on their exs name either. Has anyone had something like this happen before? Am I being weird about it?
7 comments
What would you want to have happen if you got married?
Why is that important to you?
Even in Modern Family, Gloria keeps her exes last name….that worked out fine
Why would you have to take on their ex’s name? Why couldn’t you keep your own?
There’s a lot of logic in that decision – saves a lot of trouble with passports
41 M. I’m in a “situationship” with a single Mom. Long story and very complicated. Luckily in my case however she HATES her last name. So if marriage ever happened (and it’s been discussed) this wouldn’t happen.
My view on this is that if a woman wants to take my name, that’s fine. If she wants to keep hers, that’s also fine. Makes no difference to me. However I also know that some people are now co-mingling names or in some cases the man is actually taking his wife’s name. That’s NOT HAPPENING here, regardless of anything else. I’m incredibly proud of my first and last name, as I was named for my grandfather.
I guess it’s just something you’d have to figure out within your situation. I’ve actually seen a thread on here awhile back where a single Mom was getting married and she wanted her child to keep his last name, and it was important to her that she AND her husband have the same name as the child. She said it was something she wasn’t willing to negotiate on, but wanted to know if she was being unreasonable. From my standpoint, yes. You’re mandating that a man take ANOTHER MAN’S last name? Totally unreasonable. That’s why I just say the woman’s free to do whatever she wants. Because if I marry the woman in my situation, you’d better bet that I’m not changing my name regardless of what her kids’ names are.
My boyfriend has his dad’s last name and his mom kept the same last name (his parents were married but divorced a few months after his birth). Her reasoning was she wanted her son to feel like he wasn’t alone. His dad wasn’t around (over 12 years with no contact) and boyfriend doesn’t have family with the same last name as him besides his mom so she decided to never change it so he wouldn’t feel alone. She still has her ex’s last name and she’s been in a relationship for almost 8 years now and still doesn’t want to ever change it. If she’s asking you to change that’s one thing, but it might also be an identity for her now. So much money in changing documents to a different name and depending on her work it’s easier to have the same last name she’s had building her career. Maybe she would hi-fen if you both got married. Is it more important that you have a paper saying you’re married or a shared last name?
My mum divorced my dad and kept his surname, she didn’t see the point in changing it. My kids don’t have my surname which can be a pain. And if I had married their dad, I would have his name, and we’ve broken up, but I would have kept my surname the same so it’s the same as my kids. It doesn’t mean she has any feelings for him at all, it’s just a lot easier when kids are involved