Hey everyone, so first of all: I’m 21 years old and have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for 5 years, so since we were 16. She was my first kiss, my first time sex, etc.. I basically don’t know anything romantically and sexually except her.
Our relationship was very good until last year. Since last year quite some things have changed. I’m kinda sexually frustrated, I want sex 3-4 times/week, and she often only 1 time. I have the feeling however that it’s getting less and less, sometimes we go 10 days without it. I have often tried to talk to her about our lack of sex, but she always hits me with the “it’s not that important for me”. I understand that, everyone has preferences but it seems like she doesn’t realize it bothers me”.
Other things that bother me are the fact that she started to shower only every 2 days, she often sleeps in the same clothes as she wears during the day, she often doesn’t shave her legs (for clarity: I obviously don’t say she HAS to, but she always did in the past) and she often farts on me (this is not a troll/joke), I have often told her I think it’s disgusting that she farts on me while her bum touches me, but she keeps on doing it, always with the excuse “it’s natural”.
All these things make me less attracted to her. The thing is, we’ve been together since 16, I genuinely don’t know if these things are normal.
* Is my sex drive after of 3-4x/week excpetionally high and will most women think that’s too much? (after 5y relationship)-
* Do most women treat themselves worse when you’re longer together (skipping showers, not shaving, etc)
* Farting on your SO while I clearly told her I don’t like it.
I want advice on if these things happen during long term relationships. It’s making me less attracted to my girlfriend, but maybe I should look at myself.
6 comments
Showering every 2 days is fine. Some people, myself included, don’t wash their hair every day because it straps your hair of it’s natural oils and makes it greasier.
She clearly doesn’t want to have as much sex as you and if that’s a deal breaker, just end the relationship.
IMO shes become very comfortable in the relationship and has let certain standards slip. On the one hand, her attitude that your feelings don’t matter is pretty selfish, but on the other hand, it’s unrealistic that you will have a freshly shaved, non farting version of a girlfriend for eternity.
The reality is, you’re very young. If you’re not happy and the cons are outweighing the pros, then it may be time to consider breaking it off and discovering what’s really important to you in a relationship.
The lack of personal hygiene and lower sex drive could be a sign of depression. Although showering every two days isn’t bad but if it’s unusual for her then maybe talk to her about seeing a professional. My son showers twice a day and has since he was 11 years old, he’s 22 now. If he stopped all of a sudden I’d be concerned. If she’s not having some mental health issues then reevaluate the relationship and see if the cons are more then the pros. Also farting is fine, farting on someone who ask you not to is gross
You are allowed to have boundaries and preferences. She needs to respect your boundaries. Preferences can be negotiated but it’s up to her. She should respect your boundary of not farting on you. She does not have to shower more then two days unless her hygiene is bad and unhealthy. She does not have to shave if she doesn’t want to.
Yes sex can slow down, but again talk to her about your needs. She doesn’t have to meet them, you can talk about other methods or negotiate (e.g masturbate). You need to work on the romantic side, both of you. It’s the small things that matter.
Long term relationships make people comfortable, that does not mean either party should not put effort in.
Showering every 2 days isn’t bad unless the person does sports, stress, strenuous activity, or working in a place that imparts smell on you. Maybe she is interested in conserving water by showering less.
The person you met at 16 is growing up and becoming her own person.
If the sex is a deal breaker, end it. If you’re posting on reddit about it, it probably is.