So I (M23) started dating my best friend and classmate (M22) of 3 months about three weeks ago.
Our relationship has been great so far, but things have changed in regards to our social dynamic in school. About the same time we both confessed our feelings for each other, we both entered a new friend group in our class. They’re all great and we have a lot of fun together, except one thing. There’s this guy in the group, let’s call him Sander, and he’s clicking really well with my bf. They share a lot of interests that we don’t share and seemingly has more to talk about during the day. While I don’t want to limit my partners autonomy, it’s making me green with jealousy.
I don’t think that he’d cheat on me with Sander, but It’s upsets me that he seeks out Sander over me in social situations. We used to be so tight all the time and now it feels like I’ve lost a best friend; like I’m a second choice now that he’s found someone better. I usually try to butt in on their conversations, but it feels like I can’t compete and am naturally pushed to the side.
I have communicated my anxious attachment issues to him (of which he has been really supportive) but I haven’t communicated this specifically to him. Even if I did, I don’t know what he’d be able to do about it. I don’t know what’s fair of me to demand, nor do I know how to change the social dynamics of our group. I feel like such an asshole for wanting him to stop bonding with Sander, but I can’t help it. I want him to have friends of his own, but it’s so difficult not to get jealous when our social life’s are twisted up like this. I know that I try to make my bf feel included whenever I’m talking with someone else, but it feels like he doesn’t do the same for me.
What should I do about this? What’s fair to demand in a relationship?
TLDR: My bf of 3 weeks (who previously was my best friend for 3 months) is bonding with another guy in our class, and it feels like he chooses him over me in social situations. It makes me jealous and it feels like I’ve lost s best friend. What should I do about it?
1 comment
It is not fair to demand anything in a relationship, you can only ask.
You can tell him how this makes you worry.
But I think you should consider that this is a different type of relationship. You can have different types of best friends. I personally don’t believe in best friends because there are so many different types of friendships
Sure they have a lot in common but he may not be able to be vulnerable and open up like he can with you.