Why does being a quiet, genuine nice person, seem to be an attraction or novelty to people? (rant)

I’ve been called soft spoken, nice, sweet, and a good/kind guy. Usually with the tone as if it’s surprising to them, especially women do this mostly. I don’t have any qualms with being called these things, I kind of enjoy it and enjoy making people happy – sometimes they can be a little too open about private things, but I don’t mind it at all. Seriously, I don’t feel emasculated by being known as the nice quiet guy. People come to find out that I hate gossiping as well, so they know they can trust me. I like being there for people, and it’s rare to meet someone who can hold secrets and you can trust. It’s developed into a principle for me or a value I don’t abstain from at all. I’m still a social idiot though, so I’m not sure how much I help… Also, my social anxiety is through the roof so I’m not always clear on opening up myself.

Then there are those fucking assholes and bitches that seem to be disgusted by it and want to make my life more difficult or hard. Some want to grift me, others just like to bully me to see how I would react. It shocks them how I never get angry or seem to show it, and how their insecure bullshit doesn’t get to me. I just let it slide, and usually those who do like me stick up for me or just let things be. I’ve gotten good at moving past this treatment, and focus on the good things…

Sorry, that probably gave some of you whiplash. This is my problem, I am a nice guy but because I don’t talk much or censor myself, it becomes too much of a shock to the people who think I’m a kind person that I can say such things. It’s sometimes even worse when they start to assume I’m hiding a dark side or have anger issues or something. I really don’t, and how I am is who I am.

Why is it so surprising to people that someone can be so seemingly unfazed to abuse, diplomatic, and genuinely trusting and kind? So much so that if he falters and shows any sign of irritability or issue with something, curses, or that he doesn’t like every single person, do they get even more scared or paranoid?It really sucks with the opposite sex especially. Can’t tell you how much it hurts when a great woman gets sketched out easily just because I show some sense of normalcy or human behavior, and that I’m not Jesus. It sucks even more, when a great woman who doesn’t have a great self-esteem, decides to not go out with me because I’m either too good for her or she sees herself as too much of a bitch for me. I can handle someone being mean to me or “bitchy” without being a pushover or mean back, especially someone I care about. Usually I can tell they are good people with issues that I’d like to help with, but it doesn’t usually work out. By the way I apologize if I’m sounding oblivious and thinking I’m better than everyone else, or know better than others, I know I’m not and still have a lot to learn.

In my life I’m just getting tired of extremes, trying to find my middle ground, because I really enjoy Horror movies, stoner comedies, Whitest Kids You Know, and Violent Video Games. I like crass jokes and edgy humor, I make fun of death and dying and put a morbid twist of opinion on the realities of life. Gallows and dark humor I actually enjoy. I don’t like to smoke pot, or drink that much, but I don’t mind those who do – it’s an issue being seen as a soft guy, most people assume I’m against certain things like drugs and drinking, when I don’t have a personal issue with it – I just don’t like to smoke weed or drink. I’m not judgemental about things others would assume I’m judgemental about.

How does a genuinely nice person wade through this social world, without feeling the need to censor himself in fear of being misunderstood lol? I always seem to start out well being seen as the kind guy, but it also limits my potential connection with those people who do or are interested in things others see as outcast. I’m stuck in a middle ground that’s lonely, because I’m not completely open.

My social life is filled with irony and misunderstanding. How do I stay with who I am, without causing so much confusion? Can’t tell you the disasters I’ve been through because of my interests not matching to my character with others.

Edit: Also, this issue with “nice guy” and being a nice guy has made things really fucking confusing and difficult for a person like me. I’m not nice because I want something, I’m nice because I enjoy being nice. It’s been a discussion I’ve had with a few people.