What’s the first thing you do when you wake up?

42 comments

1. Stretch. Grumble. Need the loo

2. Go on reddit and tell people what I do when I wake up.

3. Wordle, worldle and heardle. Got in that habit as I was seeing spoilers on twitter. Then have a pee.

4. Read for half an hour. Then a bit of internet/news etc and then the whole getting up thing.

   At one point I would put the alarm on for as later as possible and get up immediately, but I realised that I preferred to set it for earlier and have a more relaxed start instead.

5. I put my trousers on, have a cup of tea and I think about leaving the house.

6. I need a piss. What time is it.

7. Wake up – check my phone – drink – morning shit – get out of bed – breakfast – wipe – shower – get dressed – go to work.

8. Pour the water I didn’t drink (but take to bed every night) down the sink, pee, weigh myself, shower

9. Used to be coffee, phone, shower. Now days it’s check on Zelenskyy, coffee, doom scroll, shower, doom scroll.

10. Fall out of bed. Drag a comb across my head.

    Find my way downstairs and drink a cup and, looking up, I notice I am late.

    Find my coat, grab my hat and make the bus in seconds flat.

    Find my way upstairs and I have a smoke.

    Somebody speaks and I go into a dream.

11. Feed my cat or face certain death 🤣

12. Sniff a line of cocaine and head to work

13. I’m a weirdo with atrocious sleep. I wake up and just carry on straight as I did before I fell asleep.

14. Quick check of phone before my dog realises I am awake and starts demanding his dentastix. Give him his stick then make myself a coffee and sometimes a small pastry for breakfast. Say bye to partner before he leaves for work, then catch up online for a bit before I go into the studio and start working.

15. Put my alarm on snooze every 5 minutes for between 20 mins and an hour. Eventually drag myself out of bed. Feel sorry for myself until I have a shower. Go to work.

16. 1. Existential dread
    2. Shit
    3. Get out of bed

17. Couple of fags, glass of Jamesons then back to sleep until lunchtime and then repeat the process all over again.

18. Wank and go back to sleep

19. Put my glasses on, check phone for 30 minutes while I defrost then get out of bed to put kettle on.

20. Feed the cats.

21. Roll over, look at phone until I can keep my eyes open for longer than 5 seconds, then get in the shower.

    Will usually be a zombie and sit in the shower for about 10 mins until I’m fully awake.

    Then gym.

22. Go downstairs and give the cat her breakfast and then let her come in the bedroom for a cuddle – I am a slave

23. When hubby is home I hit snooze for as long as I can get away with it, then crawl out of bed and procrastinate for as long as I can get away with it.

    When he isn’t home (he sometimes works nights) I get straight up when my 2 year old starts screaming my name and get her ready, make myself a cup of tea and completely forget to drink it as I’m so busy making sure she doesn’t completely trash the place.

    It’s all fun over at mine in the morning lol

24. Pour myself a nice fresh glass of white lightning, make myself a fag, hit the high street, shout at some pigeons, fall asleep on a bench until lunch time, then repeat.

25. Tell my kitten to get her arse out of my face.

26. Wee then Tea. Always.

27. Turn the shower on and while that gets to temperature I brush my teeth.

    What a dull sentence…

28. Red bull, cigarette and mess about on my phone.

29. Rearrange my morning wood.

    Get out of bed.

    Put on dressing gown.

30. Grab a brush and put on a little make up (I wanted to)

31. Swear

    I always say “for fucks sake” or “fucking hell”

32. Take tablets, make tea, watch news. I’m old.

33. Your mother

34. I brush my teeth whilst simultaneously checking the news to see what horror awaits the world today. I then get dressed and immediately leave for work.

    I must mention that I’m one of those people that gets up 10/15 minutes before they have to leave the house. My wife, on the other hand, is one of those people that gets up 2/2.5 hours before they leave the house. She likes to shower, potter about and have breakfast, as well as her morning “mindfulness” app time before she goes to work.

35. I get out of bed at 07:58, stumble to the desk on the other side of my room, turn my laptop on and clock in to work at 08:00.

36. Get up at 5:30, say good morning to Figaro the conure, open the cage door, let him step onto my finger then carry him majestically to the bathroom so he can do his first huge poop of the day into the toilet. Then I have a piss, wash my hands, put on joggers and a T shirt, go into the other room and put the kettle on, change Figaro’s water on his table stand, make coffee from cold brew, make eggs with something, share it with my parrot, then screw around on my phone and do the Wordle and cuddle with him while I wait for the coffee to kick in and my breakfast go down. Then I start getting ready for the day at about 6:30.

37. Open my eyes

38. Contemplate my terrible life choices then have a coffee

39. Tell the kids it’s half past bloody 5 and can they please go back to bed, then I grumble for a solid 15 minutes before accepting my fate and making a coffee whilst fumbling for the remote to turn on CBeebies so I might be able to drink said coffee in peace 🤣

40. Obsessively check my Fitbit to make sure I got enough sleep. Ascertain I did not, in fact, get enough sleep. Try going back to sleep but it’s too late now, I’ve looked at the phone.

41. Open my eyes is probably the main one

42. Stumble to the kitchen,

    Pour myself a cup of ambition,

    Yawn and stretch and try to come to life.